Facing the impending death of a loved one is a traumatic experience.
There are tons and tons of things to say and do.
And there will never be enough time left.
Some of the more difficult parts are the business aspects.
Who is getting what in the will and why?
The answers to that question can stir up quite a bit of controversy.
Redditor Slight-Book5066 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA For telling my half-sister she doesn’t deserve my mom’s necklace?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hello everyone, I’m coming on Reddit to seek advice because I think I’m in the wrong.”
“I am 21 F[emale] and have two full siblings: Michael, 23 M[ale], and Damien, 25 M. We have a half-sister, Elsie, 18 F, who is the result of an affair.
“Our mother 50 M is unfortunately terminally ill, the doctors have told us she doesn’t have much time left.”
“She called us all in to talk about her will and what we would each be getting.”
“My mother was a banker and amassed quite the portfolio.”
“Shortly after Elise was born, her mother wasn’t very active in her life, leaving her to move in with us and live with us.”
“I could always tell Mom held some sort of resentment toward her.”
“My mom wasn’t strong enough to leave after the affair, and she regrets it every day.”
“Mom raised Elsie like her own for so long, but all Elsie could do was be snarky towards her and always say ‘But you’re not my real Mom.'”
“Of course, she’d only say that when mom was trying to discipline her.”
“But as soon as she needed something expensive, she’d be as sweet as sugar towards mom.”
“I avoided Elsie growing up because I always felt like she ruined our picture-perfect family.”
“Back to the day this happened, Mom was reading out her will on her bed, and my Mother owns a beautiful emerald necklace; a family heirloom.”
“She looks directly at Elsie and tells her she can keep it.”
“I started crying immediately, it doesn’t even make sense she’s not entirely part of our family, she and Mom share NO blood.”
“I began to scream and yell at Elsie, I told her I wished she never walked into our lives, and that she should just leave because no one wanted her here.”
“Damien tried to calm me down and reminded me that we were in a hospital.”
“Michael left the room with Elsie to avoid escalation.”
“I saw Mom crying and it kind of hurt but she hurt me worse.”
“I grabbed my bag and left.”
“It’s been 3 days and I’ve gotten non-stop messages from extended family saying I hurt my Mom and she didn’t mean any harm.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“Yes, YTA, massively.”
“Whether or not she gets that necklace isn’t your decision to make.”
“Back off.” ~ raznov1
“Very reluctantly saying YTA because honestly, how else were you supposed to react????”
“I mean, what in the world is your mother thinking leaving a FAMILY heirloom to her husband’s oops baby???”
“I’d be mad as hell too.”
“Even if she raised her as ‘her own’ at best Elise should get a small monetary amount compared to you and your brothers.”
“I’m sorry that this is the decision your mother has come to and that you now have to deal with this (and probably alone at that).”
“I don’t know if it’s possible for her to change her mind or even have the time to change her will at this point.”
“Seems like even trying to have that conversation with your mom would just cause more stress on her and she’s already ill.”
“This is a mess all around.” ~ Electronic_Sun4582
“It’s your mom’s stuff.”
“It doesn’t matter where it came from.”
“She can do with it what she wants.”
“Your unreasonable response to your mom explaining her will can be understood because of the circumstances, but your irrational response at the moment tells us YTA.”
“Throw your next tantrum outside the presence of your dying mom.”
“It makes her sad that she didn’t do a better job helping you become a good adult.” ~ agogKiwi
“How else was she supposed to react?”
“I don’t know, like a sane adult instead of an overgrown toddler having a tantrum at a dying woman about jewelry?”
“OP can be angry and sad without blowing up next to her mother’s deathbed. YTA.”
“Also, it’s incredibly shi**y of OP to blame her sister, when it’s her mother’s decision to leave the necklace and an inheritance to Elsie.”
“And I don’t buy the story of how her mother was perfect and the sister horrible, but the mother for some reason not only left her money, but also an heirloom.”
“More likely, the mother treated the affair child badly and now is trying to buy forgiveness.”
“Or, their relationship was difficult, but they bonded anyway.” ~ Infinite_Slide_5921
“Also blaming the oops baby for ruining the family, her dad ruined her family, go yell at his grave instead of traumatizing your sister further OP. YTA.” ~ cadrina
“I wouldn’t be reluctant to say YTA.”
“Yes, it’s a family heirloom, but her mother is dying.”
“What a terrible thing for her to do to her mother on her deathbed.”
“At 21 years old.”
“And I’m not saying OP can’t be upset by any means, but screaming in a hospital and acting like that was terrible.”
“OP, your mom is probably trying to make amends for being terrible to your half-sister (which you admit she didn’t treat her well).”
“Your sister didn’t ask to be born out of an affair.”
“Your dad ruined your picture-perfect family, not your sister.” ~ RoughCow854
“Mom is realizing that Elise won’t have anyone after she’s gone.”
“That child isn’t responsible for the affair.”
“She was treated like a leper for most of her life.”
“I see the necklace as a peace offering.”
“OP reacted poorly.”
“She’s old enough to understand that her half-sister isn’t responsible for the affair, yet still blames her anyway.”
“That’s not right.”
“OP, YTA! These are your mom’s dying wishes.”
“Put on your big girl pants and deal with it.”
“Go apologize to both your mom and your Elise.” ~ Turbulent_Cow2355
“YTA. It’s your mother’s decision.”
“Did she ever SAY that she resented Elsie, or is that just your perception? – as clearly your mother does see Elsie as part of the family.”
“Elsie probably sees your mother as her own too under the circumstances, the ‘you’re not my mom’ kickbacks will be a natural teenager response to being told ‘No’ – if you think about it, you probably said rotten things as a teenager too.”
“I’m sorry for your impending loss, unfortunately, you are being the cause of conflict/drama here and I strongly recommend you make peace with your family and apologize to your mother before it’s too late.” ~ TeenySod
“YTA. Sympathy for this awful time losing your mum.”
“I am sorry to be harsh your mother is dying.”
“Please try to be kind to her until then?”
“It is very hard to keep things together when losing a loved one, so even though YTA for not seeing her she sounds understanding.”
“Things will get better.”
“Maybe getting some counseling about how this is blown up in your mind to her dying would hurt her less than you seeing kindness towards your sister.”
“Have you blamed the affair for your mum’s reserve, thinking you could detect resentment, then discovered your mum did not resent her?”
“This really sounds like you are hurting.”
“It is not your sister’s fault she was born, but her whole life she has had to face things like you being upset with her for something neither of you had any say in.”
“You are both in a position you did not choose.”
“Ordinary rebellion is ordinary- she had a variation on my wishing out loud I was adopted (but only when my parents were strict).”
“Maybe try to understand the picture-perfect family is the one that does not judge people for things they cannot help.” ~ SoIFeltDizzy
“YTA… you didn’t even try and understand the situation you just immediately blew up.”
“You’re half-sibling is young and teens say anything they can to hurt someone when they’re being hurt I used to say you’re not even really my aunt to one of my family members because she wasn’t technically married into the family, but I never really meant it.”
“If you avoided her there could be things you didn’t see and she could care more than you think.” ~ REDDIT
“YTA… it’s your mother’s choice to give it to whoever she wants.”
“If the necklace is so important, did you ask your mother why she gave it to Elsie?”
“She has reasons for choices and it’s not right for you to have a temper tantrum over it.” ~ Extension_Accident47
“YTA. I’m sorry about your mom, but you’re acting like a spoiled brat over a necklace.”
“Elsie didn’t ruin anything.”
“Your father is the one that screwed up.”
“Stop taking it out in Elsie.” ~ Similar_Pineapple418
“YTA. If this is your version of the story, I really don’t want to learn how much of an a**hole you would seem like if we read her version.” ~ heafanheafanheafanhm
OP came back with a few Updates…
“Hi all, I have received some very well-worded and thought-out comments/direct messages.”
“Just to answer some questions, the heirloom comes from my Mom’s side, not Dad’s.”
“My father passed 2 years ago.”
“Elsie’s mom is a deadbeat to put it nicely.”
“My brothers rarely speak to Elsie, mainly due to them living 3 states away.”
“I will be talking to my Mom asap, she wants to talk and I want to as well because at the end of the day, I love her and would never change that.”
Second Update…
“I visited Mom and we had a really long talk about my life and growing up.”
“I apologized to her and she accepted with a smile, she told me she’d always forgive me no matter what.”
“That’s why I love my Mom she’s a kind soul.”
“I expressed to her that I felt I should have the necklace because we are blood and my grandma had it before her and then my great grandma the x4.”
“My Mom started to tear up and explained that she thought I didn’t want it and may as well pass it on to Elsie.”
“She said she knows Elsie isn’t her real daughter, but over the years, her resentment turned to pity ’cause she really didn’t have anyone, especially after I moved out to live with my boyfriend.”
“Mom said we could call Elsie and come to an agreement.”
“Mom called Elsie, and she actually came over to the hospital instead.”
“She sat with us and I asked her what her plans were with the necklace.”
“She told me she was gonna take really good care of it and wear it.”
“I asked her if I could give her a portion of my current inheritance money as a way to buy it off her.”
“We both get $300,000 but I give her 25k, then she gets $325,0000 and I get $275,000 and the necklace.”
“She said that was a good idea because I clearly have a connection to this necklace and she would benefit from liquid anyway.”
“Mom reassured her she would get other pieces of jewelry. My mom really loved bling.”
“I feel happier knowing I could come to some sort of an agreement, but what’s most important to me is that my Mom and I are good and we are.”
“I cried, told her I loved her and gave her a really big hug before I left.”
“I said goodbye to Elsie and was on my way.”
“I called Damien and Michael when I got home to explain what had happened. They said they were proud of me for reaching an agreement everyone was happy with.”
“We talked a little more over the course of 2 hours, and we agreed that whilst we don’t want Elsie actively in our lives, we were gonna make sure she was set, and Michael said we should check in on her when we can.”
It’s great to hear that you and your Mom came to peace, OP.
Though Reddit is very concerned for Elsie.
Hopefully, over time, your four siblings will find more common ground.
Sorry about your Mom’s condition.
Good luck to all of you.