Woman Refuses To Lend Grocery Money To Neighbor Who Borrows Stuff Without Returning It

Benjamin Franklin, under his Poor Richard pseudonym, advised "neither a borrower nor a lender be." But sometimes it's inevitable—we all need a little help from time to time.

However borrowers need to make sure they respect the people they borrow from. Bad borrowing etiquette can destroy relationships with friends, family, and significant others.

A woman fed up with her neighbor's habits when it comes to borrowing turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Wildthings501 asked:

"AITA for not covering my neighbor's grocery bill after they repeatedly borrowed my stuff without returning it?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I (24, female) live in an apartment building and have a neighbor, Kyah (27, female), who's friendly,  but a bit careless.

"Over the past six months, Kyah's borrowed several things from me: tools, a ladder, even my Wi-Fi password when her internet was down. I didn't mind at first, but she's terrible about returning stuff."

"My screwdriver set is still missing, she kept my ladder for weeks until I asked for it back, and she used my Wi-Fi for a month without offering to chip in for the bill.

"Each time, I've been polite and let it slide, thinking she'd get better about it."

"Last weekend, I ran into Kyah at the grocery store. She was at the checkout with a cart full of stuff, but realized she'd forgotten her wallet."

"She asked if I could cover her $85 bill, promising to pay me back that evening. I hesitated because of her track record with my stuff and because I'm on a tight budget myself."

"I told her I could spot her $20 for essentials, but couldn't cover the whole bill, especially since it included things like expensive snacks and beer. She got frustrated, saying I was unneighborly and that she'd have done the same for me."

"She ended up leaving most of her items behind and only buying what she could with the cash she found in her pocket. Since then, Kyah's been giving me the cold shoulder, and another neighbor said Kyah called me stingy."

"I feel bad because I know forgetting a wallet is stressful, and maybe I could've helped more since we're neighbors. But I also feel like her pattern of borrowing without reciprocating made me wary."

"AITA for not covering her full grocery bill?"

The OP summed up their situation.

"I believe I might be the a**hole for not covering my neighbor Kyah's full $85 grocery bill when she forgot her wallet, offering only $20 for essentials."

"Kyah was visibly upset, and her calling me 'unneighborly' made me think I might have been too strict, as forgetting a wallet is a common mistake."

"I could've been more helpful, especially since neighbors often support each other, even if her past borrowing habits made me hesitant."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"NTA. She's giving you the cold shoulder? You say that like it's a bad thing." ~ Brilliant_Bus7419

"NTA: she could have asked the store to put her cart aside while she ran home to retrieve her wallet. They can suspend her receipt and don't even have to re-ring everything. But I suspect that she hadn't actually forgotten her wallet and was hoping to rely on the kindness of strangers for her bill. It's not your responsibility to take care of her bills. Change your WiFi password and stop loaning out your belongings." ~ alsoaprettybigdeal

"I've had to do this before, and employees were very understanding and cool about it. OP, it's all in the attitude. I tell people flat out, no bullsh*t, I want my things back. If I've got to hunt them down, it will probably get ugly. The fact is, I'm 5'2, 55 years, have heart/health problems, and would probably hurt myself way more then them. But I'm feisty. It's all in the attitude...." ~ Additional_Dish_6058

"She forgot the wallet the minute she saw you. Don't feel bad. It's better to have that kind of neighbors ignoring you." ~ ThatBFjax

"NTA. Your neighbor is a user and she'll keep walking all over you if you let her. Get all your stuff back and change your wi-fi password. Then stop 'helping' her. She's just going to drain you." ~ Condensed_Sarcasm

"NTA. Unfortunately I've seen similar things happen to my friends before. She has found a 'mark' with you and will keep on asking because you've said yes."

"I say this with love: sometimes people pleasing is just falling for a scam."

"Now you're not an easy mark, she'll hopefully leave you alone." ~ stophittingthyself

"I knew someone like her. Generosity only flows in one direction and all of her relationships were transactional in her favor."

"I suggest you cheerfully accept the role of Stingy Neighbor and welcome the cold shoulder because it means she's not going to ask you for help if she knows it won't get her anything."

"If another neighbor comments, you can respond with, 'I have no problem with being called stingy if being stingy means I refuse to lend things to people who don't return them'. That says everything they need to know. NTA." ~ CPSue

"Of course she's been friendly. You've been giving her stuff. Time for polite, firm 'no' any time she asks for anything in the future."

"Bet Kyah is hitting up the other neighbor now, and calling you stingy as a 'reason' that person should help out. Not your circus, not your monkeys, and the other neighbor will figure out soon enough not to lend her anything."

Or feel free to tell other neighbor, 'She asked me for 85 bucks at the grocery store! Who does that?' NTA." ~ that_was_way_harsh

"NTA. Even if she truly did forget her wallet. You still were nice enough to offer a compromise. Which she refused. A surprise $80 bill far exceeds any expectations of neighborliness. Add in the past 'leechings' and I fully agree with others that you should just buy yourself a new screw driver set and move on. Don't forget to change your wifi password. Ohh, and try to go and borrow something easy to lose from the neighbor who called you stingy." ~ HousingOk6362

"It is time to stop thinking about Kyah. She is a selfish, irresponsible person who will always imagine that anyone who doesn't give her unearned help is the bad guy. So what? Don't talk with your neighbors about her and don't give her another thought."

"Get a new screwdriver set and lose her number." ~ EmceeSuzy

"NTA. You know that Kyah has been unreliable in the past and fear she'd not pay you back as agreed, and you have every reason to think that based upon your past experiences with her. No need to feel guilty for not allowing her to continue to take advantage of you and then criticize you when you refused to comply."

"Kyah's obviously not a good friend or a good neighbor to complain about you to others like she did. She could have left her groceries, gone home, gotten her wallet, and returned to pay for her things -- but she didn't. She'd rather use your money. Well, she's not entitled to your money just because she asks for it."

"You can't trust her; it's as simple as that. Please stop feeling guilty for setting reasonable boundaries going forward." ~ Realistic_Head4279

"I recently forgot my wallet (thought it was stolen, but no - just forgot it). I called my dad, who lives right near the store."

"He paid for me. Before we both left the store, he had the money back in his account. 'Cause that's how you do it when it's really a mistake. You just pay the money over the internet - which most of us have on our phones."

"So, I would have asked her to send me the money, so I could pay her stuff with her money - just using my card."

"NTA, but you probably could have helped. And if she wouldn't have been able to transfer the money - she didn't forget, she banked on you." ~ Nsr444

"NTA. She is grifting you. But if you let people walk all over you, they will walk all over you. sounds like you are finally coming to your senses. Forget about her and stop talking to her. And when others try and call you out, just laugh and tell them that they should be the one to start giving her stuff and giving her money." ~ gloryhokinetic

"NTA. My neighbor was the same way. Forever asking for things (money, pain meds, cold/flu meds, food) but whenever I asked for something in return it was met with disdain or refusal..."

"I cut contact with her for several months after my husband died because I needed a break from her while I needed (and still need to) heal while also taking care of my bedridden mother and neurodovergent kids and having a bulged disk mid-spine on top of all that..."

"Anyways. Rant aside. You did the right thing." ~ GlitterbugRayRay

The OP is under no obligation to help her neighbor.

Especially if she's uncomfortable with the idea or can't afford to do it.