Friendships cross lines all the time.
Eating each other's food.
Checking each other's text messages.
Swiping on dating apps for one another.
The list goes on.
Redditor f*cksocietyfml (censored) recently crossed the line with her friend, and now she's confused.
The Original Poster (OP) turned to subReddit "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) for feedback.
She asked,
"AITA for opening my friend's Amazon package?"
She went on to explain.
"I [24-year-old Female] have known my friend for five years. We are very close."
"We work at the same place. We met as colleagues."
"Very recently, a package came for her as she was in the bathroom, and me and some other friends opened it."
"It was simply a T-shirt, but she got very upset and said we had no right to open her package."
"We were simply messing around because we were curious. I'm also very close with her and thought she had nothing to hide from me."
"AITA, or did she overreact?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
"YTA"
"Can't believe you even have to ask. Don't mess with peoples' sh*t. It's not yours. You're not seven years old." - 7965tyujhbmn
"Even my 7-year-old doesn't open Mail that has someone else's name on it. Even if she knows it's for her, she still waits for someone else to open it for her."
"Op, YTA" - Samiautumn
"YTA"
"Curiosity (nosiness) is no excuse to violate someone's privacy."
"And in some countries taking / opening others' mail is a criminal offence." - YouSayWotNow
"YTA. Literally a crime to open other peoples post without permission" - UnNecessaryMountain
"Yeah YTA, what if there was something personal in there?"
"What if a bunch of your coworkers opened your package? It's not about 'she has nothing to hide,' it's about personal space and boundaries which are required for relationships to last" - DuhChikun
"YTA the fact you even needed to ask is mind blowing." - CommunicationOdd9406
"I would say I'm pretty close to my SO and we don't even open each others mail without consent. And it's not about hiding, it's not your stuff, Jesus! And btw, it's also illegal you dimwit."
"You and your friends, massive YTA!" - QoAce
"YTA because you NEVER open someone else's packages unless they give you permission, which you didn't have."
"Not only is it rude, but it is also illegal."
"You knowing her well or not isn't an excuse either. Just like messing around with your friends by doing it isn't."
"You were wrong & violated her privacy by opening something that didn't belong to you. She has every right to be upset. You owe her an apology."
"Learn to keep your hands off things that don't belong to you & only open packages that have your name on it or the owner gives you permission to open. You have some audacity." - DearOP_
"YTA don't open other people's mail unless they say you can, it's illegal and also rude." - author124
"YTA"
"Don't open other people's mail. Also, this is a crime called "obstruction of correspondence." Just don't do this it is rude, illegal, and makes you an AH." - smokin-bear
"YTA- don't open other people's mail or packages ever- it's f*cking rude and also illegal."
"What if it had been something sensitive like medication or a sex toy? Don't pretend you don't know this is incredibly rude." - preppy-sweater
"YTA and this is not only a violation of privacy but in some places also against the law." - United-Loss4914
"YTA : She could have had something private she did not want seen." - Useful-Board-1125
"YTA don't touch other people's stuff without permission. We learned this in kindergarten." - TurtleToast2
"... You and your friends do realize that, besides being f*cking rude and an invasion of privacy, opening someone else's mail is illegal, right?"
"YTA" - JukeBoxHero1997
"YTA"
"Mind your own business" - goofballrmjk
"Intentionally opening someone else's mail is illegal in my country with 2-5 years jail time attached to it, so I'm gonna go with YTA" - anxiousjellybean
"YTA - of course you are, it wasn't yours and there was no point or humor involved in opening it." - jrm1102
"'and said we had no right to open her package'"
"YTA We don't open other peoples things, basic manners 101 and you failed" - soysauceslapper
"YTA. I've been married for 42 years, and to this day, neither one of us will open mail or other deliveries addressed to the other person."
"On the rare times we've opened something by mistake, we always apologize for the error, and if something comes in that looks official or important, we'll call so that the addressee can decide if we can open it or not."
"It's just common courtesy to keep your hands off someone else's mail (aside from being none of your business and illegal to boot), regardless of what or how long the relationship is." - mariwil74
"Yep, came here to say the same thing; OP, YTA. My partner and I only open eachother's mail when asked. Go and apologise, you tool" - Unlikely_Winter4165
"YTA. You literally broke the law." - Ok-Glove-3561
"YTA You and your friends are massive a**holes!"
"I thought this might have been a case of mistaken identity like you have the same initials or something. But you knew it was for her."
"It's a crime in some places to open someone else's packages! Doesn't matter how curious you are, you wait for the person to share with you. You have absolutely no right!" - CbeareChewie
"YTA. You never do this. Ever. Also, this is illegal in some countries." - JessBx05
"YTA and so was everyone who was involved. She isn't mad because "she has something to hide" it's because you can't follow common decency"
"Not only is it rude and violation of privacy, in many places, it is illegal. You owe your friend an apology." - BoyoDee
"Your "curiosity" and "simple messing around" is actually against the law in many countries."
'"Next time you order something - pharmaceuticals, hygiene items, what have you - ask yourself if you would enjoy having it publicly displayed and discussed. Very much YTA." - cinekat
"YTA. Of course. You have no right to open someone else's package. How do you not already know this?" - newfriend836639
"YTA. Who the hell do you think you are? You don't get to open other people's packages."
"YTA again because that's just how wrong you were." - Katana1369
"YTA - it did not have your name on it. Thus not yours to open" - Legendofvader
"'I thought she had nothing to hide from me.' So you opened her package WITH A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE."
"So she gets no privacy from you whatsoever?"
"Do not open her mail. Do not go through her bag. Leave her stuff alone."
"YTA." - Zealousideal_Bag2493
"YTA. What was in the package was none of your business. How entitled can you be?" - myatoz
"YTA"
"You weren't curious. Nosy? Yes. Invasive? Definitely. Rude? Oh yes."
"Keep your nose out of your friend's packages!" - BaffledMum
"YTA 100%"
"Her mail, not yours, there was no reason to open her mail other than being nosey, and if she is as close as you say then she would have showed you anyways."
"What if it was a present for you or a co-worker?"
"How can you look at this and think you are anything else other than AH?" - always-indifferent
"YTA you had no right whatsoever to do this (and as many have commented in many places this is highly illegal and she would even be well within her rights to press charges) and have abused her trust."
"Just no." - strawberryoverkill
"YTA and you know it; this just feels like an attempt to justify yourself on the internet and use one example to show your friend that they were 'overreacting'."
"They weren't overreacting, you're acting like a child at another child's birthday party who wants to open all the birthday child's presents." - AstrixRK
"Yta don't mess with other people's items." - zombieqatz
"YTA. I can't believe you need to ask." - SlideItIn100
"YTA. I don't care how close you guys are. There are still boundaries in friendships."
"This has nothing to do with her 'hiding' stuff from you. This has to do with you violating her privacy, crossing a basic boundary, and taking away the excitement of opening a package."
"Also, the package could have been for something that was really personal or embarrassing. And it wasn't just you, it was opened in front of a group. Y definitely T A." - BennyBear180
"An easy YTA and a huge one at that. I don't know what country you are from, but in the UK that is a criminal offense to open mail addressed to another person without their consent."
"It is their property, not yours. What they buy is up to them and if you are that curious, guess what, you wait and ask them when they are about." - SirGuestWho
"YTA. You knowingly opened something that wasn't yours - in front of others no less - because what?"
"You were nosy? Bored? What if she'd ordered some ointment for some sort of embarrassing medical condition she was trying to treat OTC? Or had ordered something private for herself?" - Imaginary-Future-627
Looks like the OP has an apology in her future.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.