Sometimes, family members refuse to accept simple boundaries.
This can be a big issue with siblings.
Some siblings won’t knock on a door before entering, or they’ll take stuff without permission.
This can lead to a lot of family drama.
Redditor lalaokoklalaokok wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for trying to set a boundary with my little sister after she opened my birthday present?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“23 F[emale], little sister is 13 F.”
“I live back and forth between my mum’s and my dad’s house.”
“All of my siblings are half-siblings on my dad’s side.”
“I love my little sister, but lately I’ve been getting annoyed about certain boundaries she crosses.”
“She’s obsessed with face cream, hand cream, body spray, perfume, any hair products that smell good, lip gloss/balm – she has a very big collection of all these things.”
“I once sat and counted how much lip stuff she has accumulated over the years, and I counted 37.”
“Despite having TONS of her own, she always asks to borrow mine and often ends up using up the entire thing (one of my perfumes was almost completely used up because she would spray it at least 20 times every time she used it).”
“She gets upset if I don’t share my stuff with her.”
“For example, I got a body mist from Bath & Body Works recently because I loved the smell.”
“I decided to leave it at my mum’s house.”
“My sister saw it in the background during a FaceTime and said, ‘Oh, that looks like it smells good, can you bring it the next time you come here?!’”
“And I jokingly said something along the lines of ‘I think we’ve got more than enough perfumes at Dad’s,’ and she was visibly upset.”
“I’m quite a patient person, so I brush all of this off because she’s my little sister and that’s just what siblings do, right?”
“But this recent situation has really upset me, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not.”
“So…”
“It was my birthday on Tuesday.”
“I went to my dad’s to celebrate after work. “
“When I sat down to open presents, I noticed that all of them were intact except one, of which the packaging had been ripped open and the contents removed.”
“Hm, weird, so I asked my little sister what happened and she told me that it was one of my brother’s gifts to me (a set that included hand cream, a nail file, a nail/cuticle oil, and a little nail clipper) and she ‘really wanted to try it’ and couldn’t wait for me to open it so she decided to go ahead and open it herself and try everything out.”
“Half the hand cream had been squeezed out of the tube, the nail file was used because it had those telltale scratches on it, and the small nail/cuticle oil bottle wasn’t closed properly, so it was also opened.”
“I understand that, in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t a big deal, but it made me sad that she had just gone and opened my gift like that without even thinking to consult me first.”
“I said to her, verbatim, ‘You need to stop thinking all of my things are automatically yours too.’”
“Her mum taught her that everything that belongs to your siblings also belongs to you.”
“Her philosophy: siblings share everything.”
“So, setting a boundary is very difficult.”
“My sister got mad because I ‘never share’ my things with her anymore and am ‘purposely’ leaving some of my stuff at my mum’s place to avoid her using them.”
“Her mum called me ‘quite selfish’ for belittling my own sister for wanting to be ‘closer to me’ by borrowing my things.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA? WIBTA if I continued to be harsh about these boundaries?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Where is your dad in all of this?”
“Why isn’t he parenting her?”
“Get a lock for your door.”
“She has lost all privileges in your room, lost access to any of your stuff, and she should be grounded.”
“Her allowance should be going to you until she’s paid for the birthday present she stole and ruined.”
“This behavior is completely unacceptable.”
“Your dad and his wife are doing her a massive disservice by not setting clear and enforced rules of behavior.”
“They are also treating you horribly.”
“This was your present.”
“Not hers.”
“She stole it.”
“None of her behavior is ok.” ~ Ok_Expression7723
“An actual teenager opened someone else’s birthday present and took it to use for herself.”
“Why is she not grounded?’
“Why is her allowance not confiscated until she has paid to purchase new items?”
“Everyone, including OP, is underreacting here and allowing this teenager to become a giant spoiled brat.”
“Her mother is a lousy parent, and acts like a spoiled child herself, apparently trying to raise a child exactly like her.”
“It’s on the father and the rest of the family to put in the work to counterbalance the mother’s influence and help this girl turn out as a decent person.”
“She needs to have rules and boundaries, to be told no, and to have consequences when she behaves in ways that aren’t acceptable.”
“Opening someone else’s birthday present is something a child ten years younger would do, and it’s an entitled, selfish choice she made that she needs to be punished for.”
“OP, stop ‘sharing,’ and lock your door.”
“Sis needs to learn how to respect other people, and you are not helping her by allowing her free rein to abuse your generosity.” ~ Viola-Swamp
“Man, this hit a nerve.”
“I used to get so mad at my little sister for doing the exact same thing, but everyone brushed it off like I was being dramatic.”
“Locking my stuff away felt petty at first, but honestly, it’s the only thing that stopped the fights.”
“You’re not wrong for wanting some basic respect.” ~ aleksg123456
“NTA, 13 is far too old to be behaving this way.” ~ TarotFox
“Obviously NTA, but you should probably either stop living there or start keeping all your stuff at the other house 🤷🏻♀️ if the parent is encouraging her behavior, it doesn’t really matter what boundaries you set because I doubt she’ll listen.” ~ Resilient_Knee
“NTA. 13 is old enough to learn boundaries.”
“Wonder how she’d feel if you helped yourself to her supply, because siblings share everything apparently.” ~ lemon_charlie
“NTA. That poor little girl is going to have an awful awakening someday.”
“Hopefully, before college.”
“I had a college roommate like her, and it was hell.”
“Then it got loud.”
“As in we all put her in her place, loudly and right away.”
“It wasn’t pretty, and she shed a lot of tears.” ~ ThrowaMac1234
“This is the big thing.”
“Family is not there to ‘share everything.'”
“But family IS supposed to be there to teach you these important lessons with patience and kindness – because everyone else in the world won’t tolerate that bulls**t.”
“OP, if you love your lil sis, you need to give her a wake-up call.”
“Chances are, she looks up to you a lot.”
“You need to have a conversation with her about how this behavior does in the real world: poorly.”
“Her peers WILL evict her from friend groups for acting like this.”
“She should realize that NOW, from a conversation with you, rather than get into hot water after the spoiled habits have been fully solidified.” ~ KeyMonkeyslav
“NTA – You said, ‘in the grand scheme of things this isn’t a big deal,’ but it is.”
“It’s a huge deal.”
“Honestly, how would she feel if you opened and used her birthday presents before she got to them?”
“How would her mother feel?”
“This needs to be nipped in the bud.” ~ CPolland12
“She’s 13, not 3, old enough to know she needs to respect others’ belongings.”
“Her mother is doing her no favors by raising her daughter to be an entitled brat.”
“Does she have lots of friends, or does she have difficulty maintaining friendships?”
“You are NTA, and I would spend less time at their house.”
“She needs to learn that these actions have consequences, and it is clear that her mother is not going to be the one to teach her.” ~ __The_Kraken__
“NTA, of course.”
“This is not borrowed – it’s stolen and used without permission.”
“Moreover, this has ruined the gift to another person from another person.”
“Awful. You are too soft, not close to harsh.”
“That girl is a spoiled brat, and her mom is making her worse.” ~ Trespassingw
“I must be old, but when I was 13, if I had stolen someone else’s property, I would have been spanked and made to pay back/buy all new products for the birthday person.”
“Parents need to enforce clear boundaries and consequences for their children’s actions.”
“When the kids have bad actions, there should be bad consequences, and good consequences for good actions.” ~ Human_2468
“NTA. Little sister is in for a rough life if her mentality and behavior aren’t corrected soon.”
“And her mom is ground zero for enabling her.” ~ MoodyBlue78
“NTA, stop step mom can kick rock, she is raising a thief.”
“Sis is 13, that’s more than old enough to ask and certainly more than old enough to understand you don’t open other people’s wrapped presents.” ~ stary_sunset
“NTA. Be harder on her.”
“If she won’t respect your things, don’t give her access to any of your things.”
“It doesn’t matter what your step-mother says or how many tantrums she throws.”
“If she doesn’t start learning self-control now, she’ll be a terrible roommate and a terrible partner in the future, and struggle to keep friendships.” ~ Equivalent-Board206
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your room, your belongings, your rules.
Your sister stole your gift.
And her mother is making her behavior worse.
Get a lock for your room and stand your ground.
Good Luck.