Plans change on a dime.
That is an inconvenient truth.
Not everyone is equipped to handle fast change.
A change of travel plans can throw someone into a tailspin.
But modifications must be met.
Redditor toucancameron wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for going on a day trip without my daughter?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"This past Thursday, my daughter (17 F[eamle]) and I had plans to go on a day trip to Boston, but our sewer line backed up."
"My husband (her father) had work, so I had to deal with the sewer issue."
"We had both been looking forward to Boston, so we were both quite disappointed."
"However, my daughter felt that her dad should have taken off work to take care of the sewer line so we could still go to Boston."
"I told her we would just go the next day, and she reluctantly agreed to it."
"Yesterday morning, when she woke up and came downstairs, I asked if she was excited for Boston today."
"She said she wasn't anymore and is making plans with her friends."
I was disappointed, but then I decided I would still go by myself because I had been looking forward to it."
"When I continued to get ready, she asked what I was doing."
"I told her I was still going to Boston."
"She got upset and said I shouldn't go without her."
"I told her she was still welcome to join me, but I was going to go whether she wanted to join me or not."
"I also offered to bring one of her friends with us if her parents were ok with it."
"She declined that offer and decided to stay in town and do something with her friends."
"She complained to her Gran (my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw]) and her aunties (my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw]s), and they think going without her was harsh."
"They said I could have done something else for myself instead of going to Boston without her."
"My Dad said I was right to stick to my plans, and that my offer to bring one of her friends with us was generous."
"My husband is on the fence."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Well, Reddit, AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. She's testing how much power she has over your decisions, and you're showing her that her attempt at a power play won't work."
"Great choice." ~ Own_Lynx_6230
"She sounds like a good kid, but it's a well-known aspect of child development that kids will push and push on boundaries to feel confident about how the world works."
"People talk about this a lot with young kids, but it doesn't stop in their teens."
"You're doing exactly what helps with this situation, showing her, 'When I say what I will do, I am telling the truth. You can rely on that.'" ~ Own_Lynx_6230
"It's normal for teens to push boundaries, but giving in where it's not warranted is a good way to teach them they can control others."
"It's good for her to see her parents having a life and not revolving 100% around kids." ~ EtchingsOfTheNight
"Your family should not be involved in this."
"I can see your husband stating his opinion because he lives there and is the other parent, but no one else should be sticking their nose in."
"You're NTA." ~ friendlily
"Going to other adults is part of the boundary pushing, too."
"The curse of being a teenager is that you've woken up to the fact that some of the rules are bullsh*t, but you lack the experience to accurately guess which are bullsh*t."
"She feels wronged, and she's trying to find ways to address it."
"It may take her a couple of tries to learn that grandma's rules are much more permissive than yours, but once that happens, she'll stop roping in others." ~ helloimbeverly
"NTA. You offered to take your daughter, AND a friend."
"She declined."
"There is no reason for anyone to be upset about this."
"She has no right to be complaining; she made her choice not to go." ~ Katana_cant_thrust
"NTA. I probably would’ve had a similar reaction at 17 because when you’re 17, the world still revolves around you."
"She will forget it with time :) just let her teenagerness ride through."
"You got this, girl... lol." ~ yodelersanonymous
"As a teen girl, I 100% would have had this response because I was really looking for someone to pay attention to and really, really want to be around me so much that they would throw their whole day away because going without me would be just that tragic."
"And then I would be miffed that nobody read my mind and everyone took me at my word that I didn’t want to go."
"Being a teenager is weird, lmao."
"I’m happy to have more developed frontal lobes now."
"NTA at all, this is just what being a teenager is like sometimes." ~ foundinwonderland
"NTA- Princess just learned that she is not the sun of your universe, and it is a very good and important lesson to learn."
"Is her expectation that when she leaves the house, you all sit and wait for her to come home?"
"She is learning that you are a whole human being and not just her mother."
"Yes, it’s hard, but you are giving her a great example."
"She will learn that life goes on when she is not there, and no one will wait for you." ~ Sweetjules1209
"NTA, why are people so oddly selfish?"
“'I don’t want to go, so you can’t go either?'"
" That is just a very teenage response, understandable since she’s a teenager, but the MIL and SILs chiming in is so weird."
"Mind ya bizness and let people live their lives!" ~ Katcar2007
"NTA. So you shouldn’t go just because she said so?"
"I don’t understand the logic."
"Is Boston going away, and you and she will never be able to go together?"
"Were you supposed to light a candle in the window and stare forlornly until she returned?"
"I would be really upset that she tattled to her nan and aunts, and I’d be really angry at my husband for being 'on the fence.'”
"Grow a spine, dude."
"It seems like you and your dad are the only ones willing to say no to her." ~ IHaveBoxerDogs
"Why should you change your plan because she's acting like a spoiled brat?"
"Go and enjoy yourself, your daughter will just have to learn that not everything is about her or will always go in her favor. NTA." ~ New_Cantaloupe9162
"NTA, it’s an important lesson to learn."
"The world doesn’t stop for others just because we don’t participate with them."
"She has the right to be disappointed that plans changed, and even to cancel plans when she no longer wants to do something."
"But she doesn’t have the right to dictate what others do or don’t do by themselves." ~ fabulousautie
"NTA - sometimes life gets in the way of things."
"You couldn't make your trip but planned on going the next day instead, and your daughter agreed, but went ahead and made a conflicting plan with her friends."
"That's on her; she consciously made alternative plans and bailed on you."
"Oh dear, sucks to be her." ~ brit953
"Your dad is correct."
"Besides, that’s probably not the only time you’re ever going to drive to Boston."
"If it’s a day trip, you’re close enough to go again."
"Your husband's 'fence straddling' is cowardly."
"You asked your daughter to wait one day… and she agreed."
"Your husband won’t back you up on that???"
"If he cared so much, he could have stayed home, right?"
"Anyway, your daughter chose."
"She agreed to wait a day and then changed her mind."
"She probably already had a plan with her friends if she was planning on Boston the day before."
"It is what it is."
"She turned down your generous offer to take a friend."
"She decided that wasn’t as good as the plans with her friends."
"She’s 17, and still a kid."
"She doesn’t comprehend what goes into taking care of a household, and that plans will change if something happens to your house."
"Your in-laws' comments don’t matter."
"If their septic system started backing up, they wouldn’t have the free time to judge your parenting."
"You were taking care of literal shit while they indulged the narrative of an annoyed 17-year-old."
"NTA." ~ Potential_Shoe1068
"NTA. I have a 17-year-old daughter, and although she has many excellent qualities, she does sometimes seem to expect our plans to revolve around her."
"I realized this when she was 16, and have been trying to course correct since then."
"You did nothing wrong."
"She had the option to go to Boston (and even bring a friend), and she declined."
"If she already had firm plans for the rescheduled day you went to Boston, I would say you could have picked another day that worked with her schedule."
"She woke up, didn't feel like going to Boston, and made last-minute plans with friends."
"That's okay, but your plans don't need to revolve around her last-minute whims."
"I wouldn't usually call her TA, but complaining about it to your MIL and SILs was unnecessary." ~ ColdFIREBaker
"NTA. You mentioned going the next day, she agreed, changed her mind, and decided to go with friends, and expected you to just stay at home because she decided to do something different?"
"I think she was enthusiastic about Boston, but since she had to wait a day, she wasn't into going."
"That's okay."
"But to expect you not to is selfish."
"She also needs to learn not to go crying to grandma and her aunts." ~ Ordinary-Audience363
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your daughter doesn't own Boston.
She had options.
You deserved a nice day.
Enjoy your travels.
