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Parent Forces Teen To Repay Them For $1k Bridesmaid Dress After Dropping Out Of Sister’s Wedding

A line of bridesmaids standing in a row, wearing pink dresses and holding bouquets.
grigphoto/Getty Images

If there are two things children hate hearing from their parents more than anything else, it might be “actions have consequences” or “you can’t always get want you want”.

Possibly the two most important things for anyone to learn, and the earlier the better.

After all, children need to learn that they can’t always get their way, nor can bad behavior be rewarded.

Indeed, more often than not, bad behavior might be met with severe reprimands, far worse than “go to your room” and “no T.V.”

The elder daughter of Redditor Aromatic_Agency_8653 was soon to be married, and their younger daughter wanted to be a bridesmaid.

A position she was not initially given, but was finally awarded after pestering her older sister somewhat aggressively.

However, after being less than pleased about one of the conditions of being a bridesmaid, the original poster (OP)’s younger daughter had an abrupt change of heart.

Feeling the need to teach their daughter that this was less than acceptable behavior, the original poster (OP) felt there was only one suitable punishment.

Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for making my daughter pay back a $1000 dress she was supposed to wear in a wedding?”

The OP explained why they felt it was necessary to demand their teenage daughter pay up:

“I have a daughter, Emma (16 F[emale]), who was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her older sister’s wedding.”

“My oldest wasn’t planning to have Emma in the wedding party.”

“It was Emma who really wanted to be a bridesmaid because she was excited and wanted to be involved.”

“My oldest agreed to include her, even though it meant extra costs and adjustments.”

“The bridesmaid dresses, shoes and fitting were around $1000 each, which we agreed to pay for since Emma did not have that cash.”

“The wedding is in a month Emma suddenly changed her mind.”

“She refusing to wear the dress since she thinks it is ugly, saying it is unflattering on her.”

“It is but didn’t speak up at any part.”

“She said she felt uncomfortable, wasn’t close to the other bridesmaids, and didn’t want to participate anymore.’

“I reminded her that she had been the one pushing to be a part of the wedding, but she was firm and backed out.”

“Now, we’re stuck with a $1000 dress that can’t be returned.”

“I told Emma that since she was the one who wanted to be in the wedding and then backed out, she would need to pay us back for the dress—either by working part-time or payment plan using her gift money.”

“Emma is upset and says it’s unfair, claiming we’re punishing her for not wanting to do something she wasn’t comfortable with anymore.”

“Multiple family members think I am too harsh.”

“I didn’t go to my oldest and pressure her to make Emma a bridesmaid.”

“My oldest gave in after Emma pestered her about it.”

“Emma has a phone.”

“I don’t even learn about the pestering until after she was added.”

“AITA?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for making Emma pay for her bridesmaid’s dress.

Everyone agreed that even if $1000 was a lot for a teenager to pay, Emma needed to learn that she couldn’t always back out of something she agreed to do, just because of one thing she didn’t like, and standing and supporting her sister on her big day should have been a priority over whether or not she liked the dress.

“NTA.”

“A lot of people are in the comments making assumptions or straight up making things up that are the opposite of what OP has stated.”

“The dress is the same for all the bridesmaids and Emma has only ever met the other bridesmaids while supervised so there hasn’t been any bullying.”

“The bride didn’t even want Emma as a bridesmaid, this is something that Emma pushed for.”

“The fact is she’s 16 and bulldozed her way into a position as a bridesmaid and now that she’s realized the style of dress isn’t ideal she’s throwing a tantrum.”

“Frankly how she feels about the dress doesn’t matter.”

“The wedding is about the bride and the bride picked the same dress for all the bridesmaids and didn’t even want Emma there.”

“Emma pushed for this so she should either suck it up and wear the dress or she should take responsibility for her decisions and pay back the cost of the dress.”

“Again this is a 16yr old that bullied her way into being a bridesmaid despite being warned of the cost and now she’s wanting to drop out because the dress isn’t ideal.”

“She was perfectly fine spending her parents money but now that there’s real consequences she’s upset.”

“They made it clear they did not pressure the bride, there was no bullying, and that Emma made it clear she dropped out because she didn’t like the dress after getting it back from alterations after the fitting.”- Silaquix

“NTA.”

“She’s not being punished, she is just having to face the real world consequences of changing her mind.”

“Making her pay back the money is the right course of action for a 16 y/o to learn from.”- ReviewOk929

“Make her pay or be a bridesmaid.”

“This probably messes up the whole bridal party because the number of groomsmen will be off.”

“Emma is too young and immature to grasp that.”

“I’d have a heart to heart and see if you can help her through her insecurities.”

“But also explain the ripple effect of her choices and that she will be made to feel it.”

“Her behavior is on par with her stage of development, but this is where she really needs to start experiencing the impact of her choices.”

“Saying you are ‘uncomfortable’ doesn’t change the fact that she pushed her way into the bridal party and is now backing out and that a dress was purchased for her for $1,000.”

“She can decide if it’s more uncomfortable to wear a bridesmaid’s dress or to pay you back.”

“NTA.”- sleddingdeer

“While I personally feel that you should not have humored this at all, NTA.”

“This is what happens when you back out last minute when everyone paid for you.”- applebum8807

“NTA.”

“This is a valuable lesson to learn.”

“1000 seems like a lot for a teenager, but she’ll be a lot more careful with her future commitments.”-
cndnsportsfan

‘NTA.”

“Emma pushed to be in the wedding.”

“If she changed her mind because she hated the dress, she should’ve said that when she first tried it on and definitely prior to it being paid for since it’s non-refundable.”

“You can try to sell it to make some of the money back and have Emma pay the difference but I don’t think you’re being extremely harsh or cruel.”

“The loss of $1,000 is a result of a series of choices Emma made, there are consequences for people’s actions and choices, Emma is not a toddler she’s 16.”- Zealousideal-Divide6

“NTA.”

“Emma is old enough to deal with the consequences of her actions.”- AgnarCrackenhammer

“NTA.”

“A sixteen year old is old enough to understand consequences.”

“I get being a teenage girl wanting so desperately to be a part of something only to shut down and be embarrassed when things aren’t the way they hoped.”

“Perhaps she’s also realizing she overstepped in the first place and is juggling all the emotions and confusion that comes with that.”

“I made similar (although less expensive) choices as a teenager.”

“It took a long time to realize I was misreading some common social norms and expectations when it came to relationships.”

“There’s many reasons this can happen.”

“Your daughter needs compassion here because there’s definitely other things going on.”

“At the same time, you can be a compassionate parent while holding her accountable.”

“Support her emotionally and don’t be too harsh about the money, but I do support your choice to have her get a job to pay the money back.”

“NTA.”- EmpressJainaSolo

“NTA.”

“Pushing to be a member of the wedding party, no matter your relation to the bride, will almost always come off a bit tacky.”

“And Emma needs to learn now that weddings aren’t about making everyone Instragram-perfect.”

“And that bridesmaid dresses almost always look a little bit sh*t… but that it doesn’t matter because it’s not your day.”

“She’s allowed to be upset about not being asked, but making a stink until she was included was frankly, just rude.”

“The fact that she’s 16 means that now, every bridal party activity has to be ‘minor-friendly’, she isn’t close to the others and they have whole different life experiences (which may be a reason that her sister excluded her in the first place).”

“16 is a perfectly fine age to learn that if you demand people change their plans and spend their money to include you, you don’t get to then back out without consequences.”

“$1000 is a lot of money, and not something most people have just lying around.”

“16 is definitely old enough to learn the value of money, and doing that by having her repay it over time (so she really experiences how much work goes into having $1000 to spend) is a great thing.”

“Maybe next time, she’ll think a little harder about what she really wants.”- yalldointoomuch

Based on her behavior, one gets the sense that Emma wanted to be a bridesmaid for the glory of it all, and would likely be the center of attention

Ignoring the fact that the wedding is her sister’s big day, not hers.

If Emma was reminded of those two, aforementioned life lessons with a vengeance for her behavior, she also learned the hard way that people often pay the price for selfish or immature behavior.

Even if Emma is in a bit of an unusual situation of paying a literal price.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.