Something we don’t talk about enough regarding cheating is that cheating doesn’t just lead to a breakup.
The lucky ones will only lose their romantic partner, whereas others will lose whole families and friend groups, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Unfortunately for Redditor EngineNo9031, he wasn’t the one who cheated, but he was the one who was left behind.
When his parents sided with his cheating ex, the Original Poster (OP) cut ties with his family, even when they wanted to get in touch again when he started a new family of his own.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my parents that they would not be a part of my life and that they should keep up their relationship with my ex and kids from that marriage?”
The OP’s life was pulled out from under him when he found out his wife was cheating.
“When I got divorced, my parents tried to get me not to go through with it. My ex, Sarah, is the daughter of their best friends. We had two kids whom my parents adore.”
“My parents tried everything to make me stay in that marriage. Sarah fought me on everything.”
“I finally managed to escape and got what I consider to be a fair deal. No spousal support or child support. She kept the house, and we split our other assets.”
“My parents said I was evil. They actually called me evil for walking away from a cheater and two kids that weren’t biologically mine.”
The OP started a new life for himself.
“I moved cities for my mental health. I started over. It sucked that I did this without support from my family.”
“My parents pretty much poisoned my extended family against me.”
“I have a job that I can do from anywhere, so I didn’t even have to switch employers.”
“My parents insisted on sending me pictures of the kids, so eventually I completely cut them off. I wasn’t interested. I am still not interested now.”
“Obviously, they chose to stay in their lives, so I needed them out of mine. It took months of blocking every attempt for them to catch a clue.”
“I remarried two years after my divorce. My wife and I just had our first child.”
The OP’s parents tried to demand he let them into his life again.
“I don’t know how, but my parents found out. They contacted me through a new phone number.”
“They said that they wanted to meet their grandson.”
“I said they already had two grandchildren and to leave my son out of their lives.”
“They said they deserved to be in his life.”
“I said no and that if I had to get a lawyer involved, I would.”
The OP had the support of his wife and new family.
“I have no idea what is going on with Sarah and the kids. I don’t care. I do know that for at least six months after the divorce, my parents were still heavily involved with her and the kids.”
“My wife has my back, and her family understands my past. I never lied to them about why I am out of contact with my family and my ex.”
“Am I wrong for keeping them away from their first biological grandchild after they chose two non-biological children over me?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to maintain his boundaries after his parents chose his ex over him.
“‘Remember when you chose my cheating and lying ex over me? Now I’m choosing to live my life without you. Don’t call me again.’ NTA.” – elems
“The parents have no right to the OP’s new child after calling him evil and after trying to force him to stay with the woman who cheated for years and lied about the paternity of TWO children.” – Beth21286
“NTA. Enjoy your new life away from the trauma your ex brought and the parents want. F**k cheaters and cheater enablers.” – 6beerkdawgs
“They chose her, a cheater and a liar, over you, and calling you evil would have been the last straw for me as well.” – Fragrant_Loan811
“NTA. The message to them should be simple:”
“‘You both purchased a daughter and two fake grandkids for the sticker price of your actual blood relative, plus any future blood relatives by association. Your buyer’s remorse is neither my fault nor my problem. All sales are final.'” – Pruddi_Skirita
“I can understand why your parents wanted to stay in contact with the kids they had believed were their grandchildren, but calling you evil for divorcing your cheating ex and leaving HER children was ridiculous.”
“I would not want them in my life; the stress and bad memories aren’t worth it. They made the choice, they get to live with it.” – Truebeliever-14
“I’m so sorry about your parents/family and how they treated you. I cannot imagine finding out about not being your kids’ father and then your parents vilifying you for leaving (sane decision, in my opinion).”
“So, what was your ex trying to accomplish? Was the biological father someone you knew? How did your parents justify their decision to support your ex?”
“Were they seriously expecting you to accept being cheated on, lied to, and humiliated by her, all so you can stay in a marriage to a lying cheater? Like, for real, what was the thought process?”
“You made a good decision, and keeping them out of your life is an even better decision. Also, congratulations on your baby! NTA.” – AlannaAdvice
Others urged the OP to keep as much distance from them as possible.
“Don’t open the door to them. As of now, they can’t do anything about grandparents’ rights because you have no contact with them. Do not give them any wiggle room. NTA.” – Chaoticgood790
“It’s not just that you don’t have contact with them, but once your child starts to have contact with your parents, they have more standing to claim that it’s in their grandchild’s ‘best interests’ to continue that contact, and you will have some burden of proof to prove that it is not.”
“If they have never had any contact with your child, that bar would be extremely high, unreachable as long as you are alive and well.” – JohannasGarden
“His parents poisoned their relatives against him. I’d imagine they will do the same to his family now. They’d likely try to convince the OP’s child that they’re siblings with the other two, but the lesser of the three, because of course they would say something like that.”
“Besides, they haven’t given him any reason to trust them after what happened. OP should keep his family and himself safe.” – IceSeeker
“Don’t let them back in, OP, and don’t let them know where you live. If they somehow figure THAT out, move again (I wish I were kidding), and change all of your contact info again. Otherwise… be prepared for the parents to show up everywhere.” – 1Legate
“If I were OP, I’d be making it clear that further attempts to contact OP and OP’s ACTUAL new family will be met with legal action, and make sure the receipts are ready to go.” – justtheretosnark24
“NTA. Do not trust them. It will only be a matter of time before they are whispering in your kid’s ear about getting to meet his siblings. They wanted something and didn’t give a f*ck how it impacted you. They will forever have to justify that decision to themselves. Huge chance they try to do that by trying to get the kids together.”
“They’re narcissists, and you were a character in their life movie. They are bound to try and manipulate things to make themselves the protagonists again.”
“I can guarantee they have said at some point since they found out what a shame it is that they won’t get to grow up knowing their (non)sibling. Getting the kids together and having a happy relationship would make them the good guys again in their heads.”
“Without thorough proof that they have completely ended all relationships with your former in-laws, I would never allow them around my kid.”
“Writing in as a father of four who had a long journey from low to no contact with narcissistic parents. Narcissists’ lives are a movie, and they have an insatiable desire to manipulate themselves into the role of hero.” – enutts777
“NTAH 100%.”
“So wait, your ex cheated on you, passed both of her children as yours, kept the affair partner in the children’s lives, and your parents called YOU evil?!”
“Unless your extended family are religious, there’s no way any sane person would go after you if they knew that you were not only cheated on but also had paternity fraud committed against you. Your parents most likely twisted the story and probably added an extra lie or two.”
“But document everything since they now know your new number and your son’s existence, they could also harass your wife and her family as well to pressure you. They might even sic your extended family on to you as well.” – Puppet007
Redditors were shocked by how the OP’s life had unraveled, only for his parents to make it worse by shaming him for wanting something better.
The OP is clearly better off with the new life he has built with his old one firmly in the rear-view mirror. If his parents were having second thoughts, that was their burden to carry.