A father who is very protective of his young daughter banned his 18-year-old son from inviting his male friends over to the house after an uncomfortable incident.
Redditor “Throwaway1979xx” is a father of two – the youngest being his 14-year-old daughter who had been getting the attention of “perverted men.”
Things went too far when one of his son’s friends began flirting with his sister, which prompted dad to go into protective mode with a new house rule.
The Original Poster (OP) wrote on the AITA (Am I the A**hole) subReddit:
“I have recently banned my son from having his male friends over, and he is pretty upset with his mom and I.”
“Probably sounds like a bad parent move but hear me out on why I did it.”
“I have a 14 year old daughter, and it’s been a hassle chasing the boys away.”
The OP noticed that his daughter’s blossoming appeal was worrisome.
“She’s a very beautiful girl (all thanks to her mom) and has been attracting a lot of attention from perverted men, our son’s friends being some of them.”
“It is disgusting to see how they act around her and treat her.”
An incident that happened yesterday epitomized his concerns and was the last straw.
“She was sitting on the couch and his friend came downstairs and sat by her because he thought she was the only one awake and started asking her if she was ‘really only 14.'”
“He asked several times and kept telling her she ‘didn’t look 14’ before I walked out of the kitchen and said ‘yes, she is 14. now leave her be.'”
“I called Brennan (my son) down and told him he needed to have his friend leave.”
Mom was roped into the discussion to make a final decision about guests.
“When he left, my wife and I discussed it and decided it’s best if he doesn’t bring his friends over anymore because this happens all the time.”
“His friends endlessly flirt with her and refuse to leave her alone. We had to get a lock on her door that couldn’t be tampered with from the outside because we were worried about what might happen.”
“He says it’s unfair, that it’s not his fault and we’re being harsh. Claims that he’s 18 and can do what he wants and is going to ‘move out’ because he’s ‘tired of this sh*t.'”
The OP asked if it was unfair for banning his son’s friends from visiting the house.
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked to decide if the parents were:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors believed the son’s friends lacked respect.
“NTA. He’s free to move out and have as many friends over as he’d like.”
“At very least, your son’s friends are extremely disrespectful and have no sense of boundaries. My older brother would have torn his friends to pieces if they were pulling this crap to me (Same age difference as your son and daughter).”
“It was an unwritten rule to look out for your buddies little sisters. Trying to flirt with a friend’s little sister was never ok.”
“ESPECIALLY if they are 14 and you’re 18. Your sons friends don’t respect her, your son, or you and your wife/home.” – Chimom315
The OP was advised to talk to his son about his friend’s unacceptable behavior.
“Yeah, while I agree that OP absolutely did the right thing banning the friends from their house, I think he needs to continue the process by talking to his son to figure out just how deep this behaviour runs and see what he can do about it.”
“Because otherwise there’s a risk of the kid just moving out with this internalized creepy mindset and “ugh my parents are so unfair” instead of actually understanding why it was wrong.” – charlottecunningham
“Absolutely!! This is deeper than just letting the son move out. This needs to be a moment of growth for him.”
“He needs to understand what’s going on and that he should stand up not only for his sister, but for any women if they see this behavior.” – Abberdale
“I’m 100% for this idea and hope OP sees the suggestion.”
“Sit down your son and make him justify in his own words why his friends hitting on his 14 year old sister in a predatory way is ok.”
“If he can make a reasonable case for why his buddy was trying to prey on his vulnerable underage sister tell him he can have his friends back.”
“Spoiler: He can’t.” – Cisco-NintendoSwitch
The son’s friendship choices in general were questioned.
“NTA but I wonder if it’s the brother sister dynamic or possibly the relationship with his ‘friends’ that are the issue.”
“My brother and I did not get along AT ALL at that age but I think even then he wouldn’t have been okay with this kind of situation.”
“I wonder if there’s some weird power dynamic sh*t going on in his friendships that make him feel unable to call out his ‘friends’ which is still not okay but maybe try talking to him again and say you don’t blame him or expect him to be able to ‘control’ his friends but ask if he really thinks this is okay?”
“He is at an age when friends mean everything, even if they aren’t the greatest people.” – silkandlinen
This Redditor thought that a more attentive older brother would act differently.
“NTA. Look, everyone has said ‘your house, your rules’ but let’s talk about the real issue here.”
“Grown(ish) boys are going after your 14 year old child and her brother only worries about himself.”
“That’s disgusting. I would absolutely ban them from the house and you did everything right.”
“I would also point out that if he’s 18 and likes to hang out with creeps, he can leave.” – BirbsAreForRealsies
This is a worst-case scenario.
“NTA. Lemme share something with you.”
“My parents used to send me and my sister to stay with our granny for one week each during the holidays. One year, my sister went first, and at the end she complained to our parents that the teen boy next door kept staring at her through the fence.”
“They ignored it, told her he was just being friendly. My turn came, and one night he broke into the house and into my bedroom.”
“Don’t ignore this sh*t, you’d be the a**hole if you did.”
“Your son needs his bubble of male privilege popped ASAP, he is sounding awful.” – StealthandCunning
Redditors agreed, mom and dad made the right call.