Woman Suspects Dad's Partner Is 'Functionally Illiterate' After She Didn't Fill Out Vital Paperwork

Dealing with health issues is never easy. Even when insurance is covering everything and it's not a crisis, there is still so much stress involved.

A lot of the stress has to do with losing money.

And it can cost time at work to make money.

So sometimes people have harsh reactions to it all.

Redditor AnybodyDazzling9703 to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"AITAH for calling my Dad's wife illiterate because I suspect that she is?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"My (26 F[emale]) Dad (50 M[ale]) has been with his partner Ann (55 F) for about 15 years."

"She had a really sad and rough upbringing (drug addict parents, foster care, didn't graduate H[igh] S[chool]) and we've never really gotten along."

"My dad recently had a back injury and told me that he was on paid medical leave for a month."

"But I learned from my grandma that he actually only took 2 weeks off using his remaining sick days and P[aid] T[ime] O[ff]."

"He went back to work once that time ran out despite the fact that he was still having severe back pain."

"I went to visit him right after my grandma told me and confronted him about lying to which he said he didn't tell us because Ann was handling it/working on his F[amily] M[edical] L[eave] A[ct] paperwork."

"As we were talking, she came out and told me to leave it alone and said something like 'You're not the only one who knows how to do this stuff, I promise I've been filling out forms since before you were born.'"

"It's a known suspicion on my dad's side of the family that she's functionally illiterate, but no one ever talks about it when he's around."

"Her F[ace]B[ook] posts and texts never make sense and read like they're being spelled out by someone who is learning how to sound out letters."

"For instance, 'our' is always spelled 'are,' 'great' is 'grat,' etc."

"I've seen that she pretty much exclusively uses the voice typing feature, and has Siri read all her texts."

"When he was a teenager, my brother got in huge trouble with our grandma because one year on Ann's birthday our dad got her a card and my brother asked her to read it out loud so she understandably called him an a**hole."

"We're not close so I obviously don't know whether she's actually illiterate."

"I checked in with them yesterday, two weeks after Ann told me to leave it alone, and asked how the FMLA paperwork was going."

"He said that he's feeling better so he's just going to keep working."

"But he was walking fully hunched over the last time I saw him."

"I asked my dad to put Ann on the phone so that she could tell me what was going on."

"Ann said that this wasn't my business, but if we were really concerned, we would just give him money to support them so he can stay home."

"I honestly blew up after that and said 'It should not take you a month to fill out a few forms. You know you're f**king illiterate so let me just do the paperwork.'"

"They hung up after that and my dad hasn't talked to me since."

"I feel bad for using her struggles as an insult because I know that it's probably a huge insecurity, but the fact that she's not taking this seriously is blood boiling."

"I feel like the bluntness was warranted but I still feel bad."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITAH?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

"YTA. I don't see why your dad can't fill out his own forms tbh, or why the two of you seem to believe it's Ann's responsibility to do this for him."

"If he'd rather work than sit down and fill out a form, that's his choice to make."

"If you suspect Ann needs help, you can easily offer help without insulting her." ~ happybanana134

"YTA. it sounds like you and your brother have always been trying to catch Ann out."

"It is possible that she can't read well, it's also possible that she has undiagnosed dyslexia."

"Regardless, you and your brother seem to have never handled this well and with kindness, or else she may have opened up to you by now."

"You should have just spoken privately with your father and asked if he'd like you to fill out the paperwork."

"If he declined you should have just left it at that."

'Your dad isn't a little kid and he's capable of asking for help."

"You overreacted." ~ blueswan6

"YTA. That was a pretty nasty insult and also you're absolving your father while blaming his wife... for not doing the forms he should be doing himself???"

"Do better." ~matchamagpie

"Your dad can work, but he can't fill out his own forms?"

"Is he illiterate too?"

"Or- he could, but he just hasn't bothered."

"If he's the one in pain, they're his forms, regarding his job, for his employer, he's the one who should be taking it the most seriously."

"it's not Ann's fault that he isn't, and she's right that it's none of your business."

"YTA for insulting her." ~ EmilyAnne1170

"My cousin was extremely dyslexic."

"Like, could barely read and write."

"She used the early Speech to Text."

"My M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] is also very dyslexic and does the same."

"YTA. It's because of shame and you guys talking shiz about her that she doesn't ask for help."

"Like, for fucks sake dude, she is trying."

"Your dad should step up and be a man and do his own paperwork."

"He's the one you should be mad at." ~ Pocket_Pixie3

"YTA. This is your dad's issue NOT Ann's."

"He should fill out his own forms or suffer the consequences."

"Sounds like he's chosen to suffer the consequences so let him."

"He's a grown-a** man who can take care of himself or not." ~ Kessed

"There is another possibility that you might not have considered."

"Your examples of how she spells things remind me of my husband, he is dyslexic."

"He is also a bit younger than your dad and his partner."

"Early on in school he landed in trouble multiple times, was called stupid, and was abused/bullied before they found out the problem."

"His grandfather paid for private school for a few years when he was expelled from public school and it was part of how they found out his learning disability, also diagnosed A[ttention] D[eficit] D[isorder]."

"So he had many difficulties in school and while he is capable of reading, his spelling is still different. I swear I have to decipher his texts and often I'm still at a loss on what he was trying to say."

"I'm going with a soft YTA because I understand where you're coming from."

"You are concerned for your father and his health and well-being, if help was needed with filling out forms then his partner should have reached out to someone for assistance."

"Your approach is very much lacking." ~ Oddly-Appeased

"Do you all understand that FMLA may allow you time off from work to deal with health issues, but does not guarantee that the time off will be paid?"

"It could be that the father has no paid time left and returned to work to cover the bills."

"People are confusing FMLA with a disability or workman's comp."

"OP's father may not qualify for that or have that option depending on where they live and how large his employer is."

"However, those things may require paperwork, and they can be confusing."

"YTA OP, you shot yourself in the foot by mouthing off. If you had just asked to see the paperwork saying you've heard it can be confusing, they might have let you look it over, or they could just be covering for the lack of coverage."

"Anyway, for now, they will never let you help them in the future no matter how much they need it." ~ Some_Range_9037

"Totally agree that OP is YTA."

"Instead of keeping it cool and couching it as a benefit 'I know someone who did this and helped them with the paperwork, mind if I take a look? Should only be five minutes!' and letting the person she admits has an incredibly rough life have an out to not be embarrassed, she humiliated her."

"There's a time and place and type of person who takes humiliation as a motivator and challenge."

"Ridiculing someone for a lifelong struggle isn't the right way at all." ~ smalllizardfriend

"I took it twice in over 20 years of working and both times."

"I requested the FMLA paperwork."

"H[uman] R[esources] simply just sent me a packet for my doctor to fill out."

"He asked a couple of questions and had me sign and send it back to HR."

"There was nothing for me to fill out in reality."

"This sounds like a bunch of made-up crap to justify vile treatment to a woman who has zero responsibility in his paperwork."

"She says she took it up on her own."

"What's to say her husband is the one refusing to do it, or it was done but denied, and she's being blamed for it?" ~ Status_Breadfruit233

"I know how simple it is which is why I'm upset that they won't just do it."

"She shouldn't be responsible for it at all but she's the one who's taking responsibility for it whenever I ask."

"As I mentioned in my post, I was originally asking him for updates about it until she came in and let me know that she was handling it."

"It'd obviously be much easier if he'd just handle his own s**t." ~ REDDIT

"YTA. You make it pretty clear that you don't like Ann, and never have, this was just your golden opportunity to insult her by calling her illiterate."

"Your attitude reeks of ableism and privilege and you should check it now before you lose your relationship with your father."

"There's nothing stopping him from filling out his own FMLA paperwork, but instead he chose the hard road."

"Which is frustrating, but he's an adult, that's his choice." ~ hayleybeth7

"YTA. I understand that you are worried."

"Both your dad is really the one at fault for them forms not being completed."

"They're his responsibility."

"Also, I hope you realize that FMLA is unpaid leave."

"FMLA is just essentially just job protection."

"He will have to use his available leave to actually be paid while he's recovering, unless his employer has a short-term disability coverage or they provide specific leave for FMLA-related absences."

"But the law does not require this." ~ enidkeaner

"YTA, but your dad can do it if she's struggling."

"But it needs to be done since he's obviously not well."

"Go over, apologize through your teeth, couch it as 'I'm anxious because you're still in pain and was rude, I'm sorry,' and ask them if they need help with the forms." ~ Cali-GirlSB

"YTA. First of all, there are disorders like dyslexia that can make it harder for people to read and write."

"It doesn't mean somebody is illiterate."

"It means that reading is hard because that person's brain doesn't do well with reading."

"They may even do things like speech-to-text and have Siri read out texts because it's easier."

"Secondly, if she's handling the paperwork let her handle the paperwork."

"It's not your problem." ~ Penguins_in_new_york

"Wow! YTA!"

"I graduated with an engineering degree and I still can't spell."

"It's embarrassing."

"Back in the day we didn't have email with spell check, we had a dictionary."

"Talk about time-consuming, try using a dictionary when you can't spell. lol!" ~ bluesnowflake01

"YTA. That was just nasty."

"Why can't your dad fill out the forms?"

"It seems like you're pushing something he isn't really fussed about." ~ Waste-Edge446

"YTA. If you want to blame someone blame your dad."

"He is dealing with his habit of not handling things."

"Stop blaming his wife for his foolishness." ~ momofklcg

Reddit has some serious issues with your behavior, OP.

Your feelings about your dad's health are fair. Of course, you want him to be taken care of, but there is no need to talk that way to another human being.

You may want to consider apologizing.

Then maybe you can all sit down and discuss this calmly.

Good luck.