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Dad Called Out For Refusing To Pay For Daughter’s Foreign University After Son Failed In College

Two graduates, one girl, one boy, look into the sky
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Higher education is not cheap.

Sometimes the price tag on college semesters is almost laughable.

So any penny from anywhere can help.

But what if the family isn’t willing to help because of a past issue?

Case in point…

Redditor aitadaughtercollege to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for not wanting to pay for my daughter’s education only under certain conditions?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I 52 (M[ale) have two kids, a son (26 M) and a daughter (19 F[emale).”

“When my son went to college, I thought college would open up opportunities, and he was supposed to major in computer science but failed a bunch of classes and changed his major to something less lucrative.”

“He went out of state, and I now realize that this was a poor investment.”

“I didn’t want to make the same mistakes with my daughter.”

“She also wants to do computer science and last year she got into a foreign university in the U[nited] K[kingdom], which she says is like Stanford over there (Cambridge).”

“I didn’t want the same thing to happen, so I told her I can’t help her pay for that and to go to a local state university or community college and then transfer.”

“She ended up not going and deferred her admission to see if this year she can get a loan (which I’m not for, but it is her life) or if she can get a scholarship for a better American college.”

“She seems a little annoyed at me since, effectively, her brother got more money, but that was before I knew better.”

“I can afford the same for her, but it would be tighter now, and I don’t want the same thing to happen, especially if it would be for a foreign degree.”

“I suspect the same could happen to her since her brother was typically the brighter one while she just pushed herself the last years of school.”

“So AITA here?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“YTA. Gee, my female kid wants to go to one of the top universities in the world, but she’s the dumb one, and since my male child couldn’t hack it, clearly she won’t either.”

“Good luck maintaining that relationship.”  ~ Some_Cauliflower_132

“Dad can kiss this one goodbye.”

“She certainly won’t be taking care of him in his old age.”

“My husband had a female employee who had a dad like this.”

“She got a scholarship to a very prestigious Midwestern (U[nited] S[chool]) school.”

“Got a job at a top semiconductor company and married an American.”

“Dad was furious.”

“Wanted to come to states and live with her and husband. Nope.”

“She told him to go live with a brother in Bangalore.” ~ LingonberryPrior6896

“I actually was disgusted when he called paying for his son’s tuition a poor investment.”

“Give them each the same amount and let them decide what works for him.”

“He said the field was less lucrative, but is he happy?”

“Computer science wasn’t for him, and that’s ok.” ~ Angel89411

“My eldest son dropped out of high school, got a GED, lived in low income housing, didn’t work at all much, dropped out of community college.”

“Had a wife and couple of kids. I had his eldest son.”

“He woke up one day, and decided to get a job. It was at a chicken plant, but hey, it’s a job.”

“He worked his butt off, fast forward; The boy is a computer engineer (without college) with a high income, and living very comfortably!”

“Guess what? He’s happy, and we are happy with him.”  ~ stepstothehouse

“It sounds like he’s using his kids as a retirement plan since the son chose to switch to something ‘less lucrative.'”

“Has OP realized that each of his kids is unique and has different skills?”

“He automatically thinks that because the son didn’t make it, his daughter wouldn’t make it.”

“Yet, there she is with an acceptance letter to one of the top schools in the world – which I find surprising that he has never heard of Cambridge.”

“He is also not a fan of her getting a loan but is here asking if is TA because he won’t help her.” ~ Squibit314

“Also, May I just add: Who cares if she can’t hack it in the end anyway?”

“She is SO young. She has so many opportunities to find more about her degree in her classes.”

“Like me, I started out Accounting, and now I am an Econometrician.”

“I much prefer economics/stats to finance/maths.”

“Seems like a subtle difference, but is a huge one when it comes down to it.”

“I have a friend with almost their entire IT degree at the moment, and they program the coolest stuff, but they had to move around before they found the correct type of IT degree for them.”

“No clue what it is since I am not IT, but f**k yeah, its handy having a friend who also programs cause my programming sucks.”

“Uni is a place where you’re supposed to have room to ‘not hack it.'”

“Yeah, that can be a financial pain and is an extreme privilege, but it seems OP has those privileges.”

“You want a child, a literal child, to know EXACTLY who they are for the next 4-8 years of study???”

“Come on.” ~ splithoofiewoofies

“The other thing that gets me is OP acknowledged that she pushed herself to do well.”

“To me that makes it seem like the older brother was used to not needing to push himself and when he finally had to he struggled.”

“Seems like she set herself up with the habits she would need to be successful when it comes to studying and getting the work done.”

“OP should have more faith that she would do well because she knows how to push herself.”

“Also it’s absolutely SO messed up that she is being punished for what happened with her older brother.”

“It’s not unusual for people to struggle when they go to college/university, but it’s not okay for her to be treated like there is no faith that she can succeed.”

“This is way too good of an opportunity to pass up, I feel for her.”  ~ mkat23

“YTA. A ‘foreign degree?'”

“Let’s talk about that because, incredibly, you seem not to know what Cambridge is.”

“Cambridge University, UK. WORLD RANKING? #2. Just after M[assachusetts] I[nstitute] of T[echnology].”

“You are punishing your daughter for what you view as your son’s mistakes when you should be over the moon that she got into Cambridge.”

“Give her at least as much as you gave your son.”

“And while you’re at it, maybe give her a cake saying ‘Congratulations.'”  ~ DoYouHaveAnyIdea16

“As long as you do even mediocre at a college like Cambridge or MIT/Harvard, your opportunities are so better because college name does hold a lot of weight/prestige.”

“It looks like OP can afford to pay, and it makes me so angry.”

“Not because I think he’s entitled to pay for her college, but a distressing number of students aren’t able to attend top schools (even if they get accepted) because it’s too expensive.”

“I mean, brilliant students will do well and succeed in any college, but they will still lose the well-deserved prestige and quality education from a top college, not to mention job opportunities.”  ~ solentropy

“You made her give up Cambridge when you could’ve given her the money as you did with her brother?!”

“And you’re even asking if YTA? YTA!!”

“And even saying your older kid was the brighter one and she doesn’t deserve the same amount of money because it’s sure she’s gonna fail.”

“OMG what an AH! ~ Eris-Ares

“YTA. Don’t you realise that Cambridge UK is one of the most prestigious universities in the world?”

“It is very hard to get in, so your daughter must be really talented.”

“And you can afford it but denied it to her because her brother was not a success?”

“A Cambridge degree is one of the best ‘investments’ there is.”

“And by the way, your kids are not ‘investments.'”

“Buy some stock or real estate if you want to invest.”

“Shame on you, OP!”

“I absolutely believe that there are Americans who never heard of Cambridge.”

“After all, according to research a significant part of them cannot even find the USA on a map of the world (and to be fair, some Dutch cannot either).”

“However, the daughter knows very well, and instead of being ‘annoyed’ she would have put a video presentation together within an hour for her dad.”

“‘Look at this you brainless oaf, you have no idea what you are talking about.'” ~ Imaginary-Fish4277

OP gave some extra details.

“Genuinely, thanks for calling me out and making me do more research on Cambridge. I think I understand better now.”

“I knew about it, but maybe I underestimated it for being foreign.”

“I’ll definitely reconsider, she still has managed to defer her admission, and I will see what I can do to help.”

“The visa application needs proof of funds I think.”

Well OP, Reddit was not really with you on this one.

But it sounds like you’re coming around.

Research always leads to power.

Good for you for making the effort.

And congratulations to your daughter. Her future sounds very bright.