Winning the lottery is a great thing.
At least, it should be a great thing.
Case in point…
Redditor Old_Caterpillar_2719 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not giving my fiancés daughter money when I won the lottery?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“All names have been changed.”
“I 35 female and am engaged to my fiancé Brian 37 male.”
“We’ve been together 2 years.”
“He has a daughter Ashley, 14, from a previous relationship.”
“I am currently pregnant with our daughter.”
“I like to play the lottery sometimes.”
“Usually just scratch tickets.”
“This time I won 50,000.”
“Of course, I was very excited.”
“I decided to take the money and put it away for my future child’s future.”
“I told Brian about the money and that it was being put away for our baby’s future.”
“He said we should take some of the money for Ashley since she’s going to be graduating high school in a few years.”
“Brian and his ex do have a college fund set up for Ashley but not enough for all of it.”
“I let him know this money would be being used for our child since it was won by me and I’d be the one paying taxes on it since we’re not married yet.”
“I let him know once the baby was born it would go into a trust that no one had access to.”
“Brian and Ashley think I’m being ridiculous since the unborn baby would have more money than her set aside already and that it’s unfair.”
“I explained I understood how they felt but I think I’m doing the right thing.”
“Now my mother-in-law is also pressuring me because Ashley went to her house feeling upset saying the baby is getting preferred treatment already.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Get a prenup.” ~ iranisculpable
“Apparently, lottery winners have terrible luck after winning the lottery.”
“But there was this great story here recently about a woman who won a good amount in the lottery right before they got married.”
“She was more responsible with money than her fiance so she decided not to tell him about it and just parked it in a brokerage account.”
“After they have been married for many years he randomly sees a text message from the money manager on her phone congratulating her on reaching a million dollars.”
“He had to get over the feeling of betrayal, but then agreed that it was good she saved it, he would have spent it foolishly back then.” ~ Agreeable_Tale1305
“Most married couples have some degree of shared finances.”
“Not crazy to think that if my spouse had a few thousand when we married that it would be a shared asset afterward.”
“In his case, it eventually became over a million.”
“Great news but also a shock to know she’d hidden something like that.” ~ Puerhitea
“More: Rethink the relationship.”
“They just see the money.”
“Greed has taken over.”
“‘The child will have more saved up.'”
“Oh, they both can look in the future?”
“Then they can win their own money!”
“She already has a college fund.”
“It is not OP’s problem when they didn’t use the 14 years(!) to fill it up enough.”
“There are loans or scholarships.”
“But OP’s win is just hers.”
“And with a shared parent, OPs child will have it harder than Ashley who has a father 14 years financially alone.”
“NTA OP, he clearly shows you that his daughter is more important than his unborn child.”
“He really thinks of taking the financial future of your unborn child away for a more comfortable one for his daughter.” ~ EvilFinch
“Better not to marry this person at all.”
“Nothing in the way he has handled this makes him look like a decent person.”
“Why the hell is he involving his 14-year-old child in this conversation in the first place?”
“He’s using his daughter to try to manipulate OP, and in the process, he’s intentionally poisoning OP’s relationship with Ashley.”
“He has shown OP who he is.”
“I hope she believes him.” ~ Veteris71
“Run. Do not marry that man.” ~ Creative-East5363
“THIS! He is not entitled to one cent of that money and certainly, his daughter IS NOT.”
“She has two parents already who are putting up money for her but she, and others, are mad that another person, you, is not also contributing? EF that.” ~ pittsburgpam
“I COMPLETELY agree.”
“My father passed away when I was 21.”
“He was an amazing guy, my parents were together since middle school.”
“My mom is now remarried to a man who is very, very well off.”
“She has a great life.”
“She travels all over the world.”
“But I would absolutely never expect him to pay for anything for me.”
“I’m extremely grateful that my mother is taken care of, comfortable and happy.”
“I don’t need anything more than that.”
“Would I love my tens of thousands of dollars of college debt to be paid off, which he could do without a second thought?”
“Sure? But it’s MINE.”
“I’m not his child and he owes me absolutely nothing.”
“And I lose zero sleep over that.”
“He is insanely generous and I appreciate everything that he does for my family, myself, and my Mother, with whom he is in a relationship!”
“Daughter has two parents.”
“Just because somebody won the lottery doesn’t mean she’s entitled to bonus money.” ~ NurseSleepBot
“NTA. Ashley has two parents to pay for her, your fiancé and her mum.”
“Your baby has two parents to pay for it, you and your fiancé.”
“You are not married to your fiance, your money is not his money, his money is not your money.” ~ one_night_on_mars
“NTA. I actually think you’re doing something very smart and considerate for the future of your future child.”
“You have in your hands an opportunity that not everyone receives in their entire life and you are acting in a very mature way.”
“You are not spending it on vanities or anything else you can think of.”
“It’s going to sound cruel, but realistically she’s not your daughter, she has her mother and father who have had the opportunity to prepare for several years for their college fund, it’s not your responsibility.”
“Your responsibility is to think about the future of your child.”
“Just because he’s not born yet doesn’t mean you can’t save that money for him.”
“The best wishes for your pregnancy and for the future of your baby.” ~ Sav-M
“NTA. Your money, your decision.”
“50k is a large sum of money, but it’s hardly millions where you can do everything with cash to spare.”
“Your priority is your child.”
“He comes as a package deal, he has a child already.”
“That means you will be a big part of her life.”
“That doesn’t entitle her to your money, and your fiance is out of line for pressuring you into giving a large hunk of it to her, asking ok.”
“Pressuring, not so much.”
“Her mother is absolutely out of line for getting involved at all.” ~ Flashy_Ferret_1819
“This has to be one of the top 10 themes on this sub.”
“Stepdaughter has two parents who have saved for her college.”
“She is not entitled to YOUR funds, which you may save as you see fit.”
“NTA… but perhaps reconsider marrying this man as his opinion is concerning and this rift will likely only grow with time.” ~Brainjacker
OP came back with an update…
“I see a lot of people asking how Ashley knows about the money.”
“She walked into the house while we were talking about it and overheard our conversation.”
“We didn’t hear her come inside.”
“Ashley then thought this meant ‘we’ won the money as in her father and I since were engaged.”
“Brian and I talked about everything.”
“He explained to me it’s just hard to see how much of a head start our child will have compared to Ashley.”
“He also said after thinking about it he understands both girls will not have the same opportunities and that’s something he’ll have to work through.”
“We talked about it and he was just overwhelmed especially knowing Ashley overheard the conversation and was upset.”
“He agrees with putting the money away for the baby.”
“Brian also sat down with Ashley and explained to her that she and her sister will have different opportunities the same way her friends may have different opportunities.”
“He explained that they will have different starts in life because their mothers can provide different things.”
“Ashley asked why can’t Brian just give her more than the baby to make it even?”
“He then explained that wouldn’t be fair as he’s both their fathers.”
“He explained if he deposits $50 for her he’ll deposit $50 for the baby and vice versa.”
“Ashley said she understands but doesn’t think it’s fair.”
“And Brian reminded her that sometimes things aren’t fair but they’re right.”
“I’ve also contacted an attorney who will be setting up the money in a trust.”
“The only people who will have access to the money is myself and the baby when they turn 30.”
“If anything happened to me then my sister would have access.”
“Brian would not have access to the account in any way.”
Well, OP, Reddit understands your feelings.
Your money, your problems.
You set the boundaries.
Hopefully, everyone will get on the same page.
Sounds like personally, you’re off to a good start.