Choosing names for anything can be stressful.
People have anxiety about naming pets, plants, and even cars.
So imagine the pressure when naming a brand new baby.
Not every choice will be unanimous.
Case in point...
Redditor HusbandLife25 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for telling my wife that name she chose for our baby is bad?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Summary..."
"Wife of 4 years wants to name our daughter after a tiktok trend called Jiafei."
"I suggested shortened name and now won't speak to me."
"I (25 M[ale]) got married to Betty (27 F[emale]),4 years ago, and we have a baby (2 M)."
"Betty found out she was pregnant 6 months ago."
"Her friend (30 F) Angie recommended TikTok while she is pregnant."
"Betty downloaded it and is obsessed."
"Recently, she discovered a trend about these Chinese bot parody accounts, called Jiafei."
"Now, we knew the gender 3 months ago."
"First, we had the name Sadie picked out."
"Now, she wants to name our daughter Jiafei."
"I told her that it is a bad name and I don't like it."
"She said the name sounds beautiful."
"I suggested the name Jia instead."
"She refused and won't talk to me until we come up with an agreement."
"She told her mom that I was pressuring her to make the name Sadie."
"She called me and said I was an a**hole for 'pressuring her.'"
"So, AITA for refusing the name Jiafei?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"NTA. Why does she already hate her daughter?" ~ stacity
"I have a horrible name, please, please don't do that to your child... don't let that happen to your child."
"I have literally gotten passed by on job interviews because they couldn't pronounce my name."
"I have been called literally everything but my name by every child I grew up around and now every new adult I meet."
"I am so sick of explaining not only how to pronounce my name but it seems like every damn person needs to know where/why/how/etc."
"I don't want to explain it again."
"I freaking hate small talk and I'd rather talk about the weather."
"Don't, please don't."
"Read this like I'm little Jiafei in the future."
"This is my actual life and I wouldn't wish it on a single soul."
"Just sitting here thinking about this and hoping OP sees this."
"I could read before I could spell my own name because my name doesn't make sense phonetically."
"Definitely doesn't make sense with English pronunciations (not that my name is from another country, it's literally a made-up word)."
"The amount of disappointment I went through as a kid when we went to the zoo or the aquarium or wherever I couldn't get a little keychain with my name on it, not even a misspelled version!"
"But my sister, man, she always rubbed her keychain and her regular name in my face, it sounds stupid but I truly felt inferior."
"I'm almost 30 and I've got tears in my eyes about a damn keychain!" ~ sold-separately
"Dude, I have a relatively normal name, just mildly uncommon, and I get it mispronounced frequently and don't have a little keychain with my name on it."
"And my name isn't even that uncommon and the treatment I got was still garbage."
"There's like 3 characters from movies and shows with my name and that's it."
"I also struggled with spelling my name and had to make a song to remember it and when tired I'll still drop a letter.
"I get you."
"Names are so important."
"People decide who you are based on your name."
"Especially employers." ~ naobilynni
"I feel this post."
"Also have an unusual name, though it's an actual existing name just foreign to my home country and also in English."
"One of the letters has a different letter sounding than its spelling."
"It was extremely annoying growing up and I also have those poor memories about never finding my name in Keychain and other things."
"Man, that sucked."
"And I am in my mid-30s."
"I am now accepting of my name and no longer angry but dude."
"Every single time I meet a new person or go to a job interview I know one of the questions will be where my name is from, what it means, etc."
"They usually say it's beautiful but as I hated it for so much of my formative years I keep thinking they are just being polite and friendly and don't actually mean it."
"It sucks."
"I'm a big advocate for normal boring sounding names though yes I do recognize it based in my own experience." ~ ladylyrande
"NTA. Using names that aren't from your language or culture is a pretty risky move."
"Ultimately you are giving a name to a grown woman with a job."
"And a life 28 years down the road and having a name nobody knows how to pronounce or spell will be exhausting."
"So she will probably change it or go by a nickname anyway."
"And every time your wife explains where the name came from, people are going to mentally deduct 15 points from whatever IQ they assumed she has."
"Maybe you could name her Gia, middle name Faye." ~ ProjectedSpirit
"NTA. How TF does your wife expect to come to an agreement with you if she won't talk to you?"
"It is time to wipe the slate clean and start over."
"Throw out Sadie, Jiafei, and Jia."
"You could look to fictional characters for names, such as Leia or Juliet."
"You could use a famous woman's name, such as Mariah, Meryl, or Frida."
"There are so many possibilities that you and your wife should be able to find something you can agree on." ~ Sea-Confection-2627
"NTA. Both parents need to agree."
"I wouldn't use a parody name or a trendy name, but when I hear the name Sadie, I think of the song Sexy Sadie, lol."
"My stepdaughter was given a name that was very popular in her age group with about 5 different spellings."
"It sounds like you need a middle ground between nonboring and nontrendy. Good luck."
"As an aside, grandparents or anyone else don't get a vote on a name."
"They had their chance when they named their own children and need to back off." ~ tatersprout
"NTA."
"'Won't talk to you until you come up with an agreement' sounds like 'won't talk to you until you cave.'"
"This is a silly thing to be fighting over, to be honest, and your wife is probably just on edge right now."
"Go buy her some flowers and chocolates (she is pregnant, after all), and when you've made up calmly tell her this isn't about you not respecting her choice."
"It's about the fact that naming a baby after a trend is likely to cause them to be bullied/made fun of in the future and you don't want that for your kid." ~ Korike0017
"NTA. I saw another post recently about a kid who's named after a Harry Potter character because their parents are superfans."
"You and your wife really don't want to be those parents..."
"Your kid will grow up A) having to painfully explain their name's meaning and spelling to every person they meet at every icebreaker event and..."
"B) be a living homage to a social media trend."
"That'll humiliate them until they are 18 and can go legally change it."
"You're going to be one-half of the kid's parents, so you have the right to some creative control here."
"Try talking to your wife about a name of family or cultural significance as a starting point—she might be more likely to switch to liking that kind of name." ~ Major-Masterpiece921
"NTA. You should both agree on the name of your child as you're both its parents."
"Each of you gets to veto the other until you find a name that you can both agree on."
"That said, I don't know that there is anything wrong with the name Jiafei other than that you don't like it and that is entirely your right."
"If you didn't tell me what Jiafei was then I would assume it is an ethnic name and think nothing of it." ~ GlidingToLife
"NTA. Sorry, but the name is terrible and the child will resent her eventually when they ask why that name."
"Agree with her not to use Sadie as she obviously doesn't like it now."
"But also tell her you won't use the name she wants as you dislike it, so it has to be something you both agree on together." ~ minionoftheinternet
"NTA- Not speaking to you and refusing to compromise is very immature."
"Parents need to agree, even if you have to go through several names." ~ acintheheat
Reddit understands your distress, OP.
Naming a child is something parents do together.
Maybe let things calm down a bit and you can both revisit this with fresh perspectives.
Congrats and good luck...
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.