Sometimes when you buy a home, you find some of the previous owners possessions tucked away somewhere, possibly forgotten or misplaced.
If they’re personal items, like photos, most home buyers will try to return them. But what if the person says they don’t want them?
Is there any obligation to store other people’s stuff?
A young woman whose family is dealing with their home’s former resident turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Ok-Abrocoma1831 asked:
“AITA for not letting the previous owner of my house come back in to see it again after she had moved out?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (25, female) have been living at this house with my parents since 2020. This house was built and owned by one family before us. The OG owners were a carpenter, his wife, and their daughter.”
“The owner and his friends moved out to the country and built houses all next door to each other in 1976 so them and their families were all super close. The owner’s wife passed away in 2014 and the daughter moved out in 2015.”
“The guy kept living here by himself until he passed away in 2020. After his passing, his daughter traveled back to the state and sold the house to us before leaving again.”
“My dad met her in early 2020 when they were signing the house paperwork and they exchanged phone numbers/emails just in case there were any problems that we had.”
“When we moved in we found a few boxes of old family pictures, expensive carpentry tools, and we found super expensive cooking supplies. There were some vintage Pyrex bowls, an old KitchenAid mixer, a Westinghouse Roaster-Oven, some Le Creuset items, and just a lot of old cookware from the 1950’s-1990’s.”
“We contacted the daughter of the owner so that we could return the items to her, but she didn’t answer. After she didn’t answer the phone calls for a while, my dad talked to the neighbor to clarify the phone number/email and it was the correct information.”
“Over the years, we continued to try and contact her through text messages, phone calls, emails, and we even tried to have the neighbor contact her. In 2022, she finally answered and screamed at my mom for continuously trying to talk to her.”
“My mom explained everything to her but the girl said that she didn’t want any of her parents’ things. Then she called my mom a few explicit words and hung up.”
“After that situation we stopped trying to contact her and we sold the carpentry tools, sold some of the cooking supplies, and we gave the family pictures to the neighbor that we knew was friends with the previous owner.”
“We thought that was the end.”
“However, last week I was in the backyard and my neighbor called me over to his fence. He had a younger woman with him who introduced herself as the girl who used to live in the house that I live in now.”
“She thanked me for giving the family pictures to the neighbor, and then she asked me about the carpentry and cooking supplies. When I told her that we sold them she LOST HER MIND.”
“She was angry that we would get rid of something that was so meaningful to her parents. When I explained that we had tried to give them back to her she called me a liar and a b*tch.”
“Then she asked to see the inside of the house for old times’ sake, but I didn’t like how she treated me, and I didn’t like what she said to my mom in 2022, so I told her no. This made her get even angrier, and it made the neighbor angry as well.”
“They both yelled at me while I hurried inside and locked the doors. About 10 minutes later, the girl was banging on the front door, saying that she wanted to come inside.”
“My parents told her, through the door, that she couldn’t come in. This made the neighbor pissed, so he joined her and nearly left a dent in the door.”
“We asked them to leave for over an hour before they finally left.”
“We didn’t call the cops because the neighbor’s son is the chief of police. We live in a super small rural country town with like five officers, including him. So we just let them knock until they got tired.”
“Now it’s been a week and ALL of the neighbors know about what happened. They keep giving us dirty looks and doing that classic old person thing of grunting whenever we try to talk to them.”
“They all adore that girl because she grew up hanging out with them and their kids so now we are the most hated people in our neighborhood.”
“AITA?”
The OP later added:
“When we first moved into the house in 2020 and found the items, my mom texted and called the woman every few days. But after a month, my mom stopped and we just put things out in the garage.”
“Then as time went on we needed more space, so my mom went back to texting, calling, and emailing the woman for a few months. She would call once a week, email once every few months, and would send her an occasional text every couple of weeks.”
“In early 2022, my dad got injured at work and it caused him to have a hard time walking. We cleaned out the garage so that we could park a car in there because we wanted to move the car closer to the door for when we needed to take my dad to the doctor.”
“However, we had boxes of cookware and carpentry tools that were taking up space. My mom was super overwhelmed and frustrated about the situation so she called the woman about 5 times in a row until she finally answered.”
“My mom explained to her that we needed the space in our garage because of my dad’s injury, and she told her about all the things that we still had from her parents. She was super angry and said that she didn’t care about her parents’ things and she yelled at my mom to leave her alone.”
“My mom didn’t ask for any compensation from the woman. She was even gonna pay for the shipping in order to get the stuff to her so that it could be out of our hair, but the woman didn’t care.”
“We also think that she had a rough relationship with them which is part of why I feel bad about the situation.”
“We have a few cameras around on the property because we have to watch out for coyotes at night, but now we’re adding in a few more just for extra security.”
“We aren’t super close with all of our neighbors, but we try to be friendly if we see them. They are the kind of people that give us their extra food from their gardens and they just randomly come by sometimes and talk with us if we happen to be outside.”
“We also understood that we moved into their friends’ house who had passed away, so we have always tried to maintain a decent relationship with all of the neighbors.”
We’re thinking of filing a police report, but the neighbor who was with the young woman knocking on the door, has the son who is the chief of police in our small town.”
“So we aren’t sure how it would go if we tried to file a police report. However, we’re still looking into it.”
“I was asking if I was the a**hole because it’s her dead parents’ house and her childhood home. I know that it’s okay for me to not let a hostile person into my house, but I didn’t know if I was the a**hole for denying a woman to see a house that is filled with memories of her family.”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I didn’t let a girl come back into her old house, and I believe that I may be the a**hole because it’s where she lived with her parents, who have now passed away.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Gather up those texts and emails, and if you care what the neighbors think, show them. It’s been 5 years, and you’re not running a storage company.”
“So, infinity is unreasonable on their part. Also, good move on not letting her in. It would have ended with fighting and damage to your property.” ~ Temporary-Star2619
“Petty people will gossip regardless, but show them the receipts, and they’ll at least know your side of the story.” ~ zenFieryrooster
“I mean, one of the neighbors joined the daughter in literally kicking the door. I don’t think this is a community of people who are likely to care about something so trifling as evidence.” ~ Fierywordess
“Part of what shocked me about the neighbour’s actions is that they KNOW OP tried to contact her, and was doing so for some time. OP says they asked the neighbour for help contacting her, and eventually gave them the photos.”
“I assume OP told them they finally got ahold of her and she didn’t want them?” ~ Putrid_Performer2509
“The only reason this woman knew about the photos, tools, etc… is because OP’s family told her and the neighbour about them and tried to return them. Had OP just moved in, found this stuff and kept or sold it, this woman and the neighbour would never have known.”
“Their own words confirm that OP did try to return them!” ~ TheZZ9
“If the previous owner’s family came to my house and asked to look around for old times’ sake, I’d say no. There’s several houses in my old neighborhood I’d love to see inside again. I’d never ask to take a tour. I’d expect to be told no.”
“We don’t owe people certain things. Just because someone has a connection/history with a home, doesn’t mean they have access to it in the present. You offered them their things previously; they could’ve asked about looking around then. They blew their chance. NTA.” ~ diescheide
The OP and their parents weren’t wrong to not open the door to a screaming, angry woman.
But if the neighbors want to support her actions and behavior, there’s not much OP can do about it.