It's important to not take the little things in life for granted, because nothing about life is certain.
Accidents happen. Tragedy strikes.
And some people cheat while their partners travel for work, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit, and then they think they can trick their partner into helping raise the baby.
Redditor GlitteringBarber3352 was looking forward to coming home after already being away for more than seven months for work when he received an unexpected call from a friend, claiming his girlfriend back home was newly pregnant.
When she not only confessed to cheating but expected them to raise the baby together, with his parents already supporting the idea, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for going no contact with my family after they expected me to get back with my ex and help her raise her affair baby?"
The OP was spiraling from recent changes in his life.
"I am 30 (Male). I am not sure how to word this because I'm crushed and don't know what to do."
"I have been with my high school sweetheart, Cassie, since we were 17. My parents love her and so did I."
"Our parents were always asking when we would get married and give them grandchildren and me and Cassie would say when we are financially stable."
"We are both doing good in our careers. My job however required me sometimes to leave the country. I left seven months ago."
There was unfortunate news waiting for the OP back home.
"I am due to go back this week, except a friend of mine called me to tell me that Cassie is three months pregnant. Obviously, I am not the father."
"I didn't believe my friend and rang up Cassie, and after pushing her, she finally broke down crying and admitted that she was pregnant and it was a drunken mistake."
"She said she didn't know who the father was because it was a random guy. She said she wanted to keep the baby and we could raise the baby."
"I was in shock and ended the call."
"I texted her and said we were done."
"She tried to ring back but I switched my phone off. I was on autopilot for a couple of days and just worked."
The OP was then shocked by his parents' support, though not of him.
"Then my boss told me he had a family emergency call from my Dad on the line, so I took the call. My parents said that Cassie confessed to cheating, but it was a mistake, and the baby needs a father."
"I saw red and told him if he was so worried about the baby, then he can step up and be there."
"We got into a heated argument, and I ended the call and blocked him."
"My mother, father, and ex-girlfriend have been texting on different numbers and telling me to step up, and mistakes have happened."
"I got so frustrated that I rang them up and said that I was going no contact with them all, and I would be looking to apply for a visa to stay in the current country permanently."
"I heard my mother and ex start crying before I hung up."
"It's been a week now, and I have time to think about what happened and wonder if I am the a**hole?"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to stay far away from his family and ex.
"NTA and DON'T LOOK BACK EVER! Your parents are fucking AH for trying to step up as the father of an affair. This is a great opportunity to make everything you want; don't throw it away." - CamusVerseaux
"It wasn't drunken, it wasn't a mistake, and it wasn't the first time. Even if it was, stabbing someone in the heart once isn't better than stabbing them in the heart one hundred times. Dead is dead."
"This relationship is also dead. It's best if the OP washes his hands of the entire situation."
"Good thing his parents are on her side and can help with everything! So nice of them to volunteer. The OP can make sure to wash his hands of them, too." - Ok-Cap-204
"NTA. Your parents' obsession with having grandkids is clouding their judgment. You have no obligation to Cassie or her child after she decided to cheat on you."
"It's cruel of them to expect you to play daddy to her child. Stay no contact and continue with your plans. Cassie and your parents are awful. Sorry, OP." - Forward_Most_1933
"For all OP knows she:"
"1. Was casually dating and ended up pregnant."
"2. Had a one-night stand and had contact with this guy afterward and he blew her off."
"3. Felt shame of getting pregnant by a stranger and sold the drunken one-night stand lie to OP's parents to get them on her side before telling OP."
"Either way, if the tables were reversed, she would leave as well. They aren't married so that should make the decision a lot easier. Don't let anyone manipulate you into staying with your ex. There's a whole lot more you'd have to deal with in the future from a person like this."
"It wasn't a mistake. If it was, OP's ex should be a lot more remorseful and understanding about OP not wanting to be there, meaning she wants him to stay and help her but not just EXPECT him to. The fact that she expects him to just do so shows a level of selfishness and immaturity that OP will be glad to get away from. That child is already going to have a rationally f**ked up mom."
"Move on and stay away for a while if you have to. Nothing good will come if you don't. There are plenty of women out there who won't cheat just because you're gone for seven or more months. NTA." - SilverPenny88
"NTA. You don't know if it was a drunken one-night stand or if she's been hooking up on the regular since you have been gone for seven months. What was her plan? Pick you up from the airport visibly pregnant and say SURPRISE?!"
"Here's the facts. She cheated on you. She never felt guilt for her betrayal. She thought she could keep it a secret from you for life. She then finds out she's pregnant."
"Again, she chose not to let you know. She also chose to keep the baby versus seeking termination of her pregnancy. All of these choices she made on her own. She can now suffer the consequences of her own actions."
"I don't blame you. I wouldn't support and raise an affair child. It's not the innocent child's fault how they were conceived. I would resent the child, and that's not a healthy environment to grow up in. The child should grow up in a loving environment."
"If your parents want to support her and her kid, I'd step back from them as well. I know they care for her, but you are their son." - Jokester_316
"I would be livid, too, if my family told me to stay with someone who cheated on me and then kept harassing me over it."
"Your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend did not think about you or your feelings when she was f**king some random dude, but now you are supposed to consider her feelings and 'step up'? What planet are they living on?"
"NTA." - Abject_Jump9617
Others agreed and could not believe everyone supported the ex instead of the OP.
"'It was a mistake.' A mistake is turning left instead of right."
"What she did was planned and of her volition. She made the decision to go somewhere and she met someone. She then decided to talk to him. Then she decided to talk to him about f**king him or vice versa."
"But an agreement was planned and made. Then they had to plan to go somewhere to f**k. When they arrived at whomever's place, they decide to remove their clothes..."
"That is planned and not a mistake."
"If OP stayed with her, he wouldn't have any dignity or respect for himself." - NatureCarolynGate
"NTA and why the f**k do so many people think a man should bite the bullet and raise some rando's kid because their wife/girlfriend/acquaintance decided to have unprotected sex with some other guy?" - Solid-Feature-7678
"They want you to step up and raise a child that's the result of her cheating? That's insane, dude. Her family can step up and take care of her child. She will cheat again." - Next-East6189
"She cheated and withheld information, knew she'd have to come clean, but expected her ex to pay the price?! That's delusional at best."
"As for his parents, even if she's been in your family for most of her life, she BETRAYED your son! And they want him to suck it up? Nah, he needs time away from all of them and she needs to finish coming clean."
"If Mom and Dad want this baby more than their own kid, he should be better off knowing it now instead of her cheating and passing another baby off as his when he was home and oblivious." - amafalet
"D**n, you are so NTA. This sounds like it just happened (you finding out, I mean), and your parents are already trying to guilt you into raising a baby your high school sweetheart got knocked up with by some rando in a drunken one-night stand."
"If this is real, everyone else but you are the AHs. Cassie OBVIOUSLY. But your parents?! YOU don't need to 'step up' for anyone here because you didn't do anything wrong."
"All of them saying 'mistakes happen'…just wow. Take all the time you need to deal with all this information, betrayal, and bulls**t, and then do whatever you need to do for yourself. Don't be manipulated into doing anything you don't want to do." - glimmerseeker
"NTA. It's kinda wild to expect you to suddenly take on the role of father, just because they want grandchildren. You two have been together for a long time already."
"Turn the page, and enjoy the new chapter in your life. She's already made her bed to lie in." - Life_Photograph_9672
The subReddit could not stop shaking their heads over how the OP was being treated during a situation that was not his fault. While the OP was simply doing his duty and traveling for work, his girlfriend was turning their life upside-down and expecting him to act as if nothing had changed.
It was clear the OP's ex-girlfriend, his parents, and the future baby would be very happy together, while the OP could start a new life where he'd been sent for work.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp