When we’re in a relationship, we would like to know that our significant other would come to us for anything, whether it’s to share good news or to receive comfort.
Some people feel insecure and even unhappy when their partner doesn’t depend on them in that way, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
A Redditor who has since deleted their account believed they were helping with their friend’s relationship when they stepped in.
But when their friend questioned their motives, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they might have gone too far.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for throwing away my autistic best friend’s security blanket because his girlfriend told me to?”
The OP’s friend had a comfort item.
“My best friend is 24 and high-functioning autistic. Despite this, he has a strong social group, is considered handsome by women, and has a good-paying full-time job.”
“However, he has a secret only me and his girlfriend know. He keeps a security blanket in his room and talks and hugs with it.”
“He says the blanket got him through traumatic moments in his childhood kinda like that character from the cartoon ‘Peanuts’.”
The OP listened to the girlfriend complain about the blanket.
“I don’t mind what he does, but this blanket has been straining his relationship with his girlfriend of 1 year.”
“She tells me he gives more love to the blanket when he’s stressed out and she feels like he loves the blanket more than her.”
“So she asked me to get rid of it and when he was at work I took the blanket away and threw it in the local dumpster.”
The OP’s friend did not take this well.
“When he came back, we explained everything to him, and he broke down in tears and locked himself in a room.”
“It’s been 2 days. His girlfriend says he’s not talking to anyone and he’s still in his room and skipping work.”
“I tried calling him only for him to ignore my calls.”
“Am I in the wrong in this?”
“I feel like he should take responsibility in this relationship considering he is an adult.”
“His girlfriend and I agree he shouldn’t be fixating on this object and move on from his childhood.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by using one of the following acronyms:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were disgusted the OP would steal a person’s comfort item.
“What saddens me is the fact that the friend trusted them enough and they betrayed him.”
“OP, get that blanket back! YTA” – Frozen_007
“My partner would never think about throwing away any of my comfort items, one of which includes my dead sister’s blanket. It makes me feel close to her.”
“My best friend’s brother is autistic, and I would NEVER in my life think to throw away his comfort items. I may not fully understand why they are so important to him, but that’s not for me to decide.”
“OP, YTA so f**king much, it’s not even funny.” – RosalynLynn13
“If someone got rid of my high school son’s special bear, I’d go absolutely ballistic… and I’d do my best to move heaven and earth to get that bear back.”
“He brings his bear everywhere with him, and he probably wouldn’t sleep for a week if something happened to the bear. He’d be inconsolable.”
“His bear was from a thrift shop, but it’s absolutely important to him, and he’ll probably keep it for another decade at least.”
“I’ve performed multiple surgeries on that bear to keep him in good condition (including a desperate run to all the craft stores in the area to get a new eye for him).”
“I’m horrified at OP throwing away his best friend’s comfort item.”
“…I don’t have many NT (neurotypical) friends.” – glindabunny
Others agreed and found the OP’s language to be incredibly ableist.
“As an autistic person with comfort items, the idea of this has my heart racing a bit.”
“Also, even the first part about how somehow the autistic person has friends and relationships was dripping with a lot of contempt.” – claws_and_chains
“So ableist. OP, get that blanket back and wash it.” – Happy-Investment
“This is one of those posts that reminds me that NT (neurotypical) people are the ones that cause us the most harm while chasing that high of trying to be some sort of savior instead of actually listening to what ND (neurodivergent) people are saying.”
“I also get the feeling if it had been a family heirloom, or a picture of a deceased parent; would OP have thrown that away too or because that’s ‘normal’, would that be acceptable?” – DebateObjective2787
“If someone threw away my comfort pet, I’d be LIVID at them.”
“OP took his friend’s blanket without permission, and threw it away. That’s theft. He stole the blanket.”
“The fact that his friend’s girlfriend feels like he loves the blanket more than her isn’t his fault or the blanket’s.”
“How are they responsible for her feelings? If she’s jealous of a f**king blanket, maybe it’s time she works on her insecurities.”
“It isn’t a regular blanket. It has so much meaning to OP’s best friend and helped him through traumatic times.”
“OP was cruel – throwing others’ property in a dumpster behind their backs is horrid in itself, but a comfort blanket? Boy…”
“Not to mention nosy and stupid. It never involved him in the first place – he massively overstepped.”
“Even agreeing with his dumb girlfriend is an AH move, but to listen to her and throw his blanket away on her behalf? OP – are you his best friend, or do you just want to bang his girlfriend?”
“Also, I feel like, for someone with an autistic best friend, OP knows surprisingly little about autism. It’s not okay for neurotypical people to refer to autistic people as ‘high-functioning’.”
“And then to suggest it’s unusual that his autistic friend is good-looking and sociable? What are autistic people like in OP’s head, tree monsters?” – GoodGirlsGrace
“Oh my god. YTA soooo much.”
“I’m a ‘high functioning’ autistic person. The fact that you’re saying he’s successful ‘despite this’, along with the tone of the rest of the post, is incredibly ableist.”
“We can and are successful people. Our brains work a little different.”
“You know the only time that’s ever been an issue? When neurotypicals are unkind, and don’t appreciate our unique talents and the wonderful potential we have to bring a unique perspective and unique talents to things.”
“Hell, some of the reason he’s been so successful has probably been because of the unique and wonderful way his brain works, not despite it.”
“And you threw away his comfort item.”
“That’s so very sh*tty. Lots of people have a childhood comfort item, but his bothered you why?”
“Because he’s autistic? Because his girlfriend’s so insecure she’s jealous of a blanket?”
“Because neurotypicals lack empathy?”
“It doesn’t feel so nice when someone generalizes an entire group and says something negative, is it? While empathy is hard for some people on the spectrum, others are actually over-empathetic.”
“It’s just different how we express it sometimes. But I’ve been told that for all my ‘oddballness’, that I make people feel safe, and that I’m the one they come to for advice and comfort.”
“You didn’t do him a favor.”
“All you did was show him that he couldn’t trust people, and now he’s going to be damaged and afraid to trust future relationships.” ‐ desgoestoparis
Some also took tremendous issue with the friend’s girlfriend.
“The girlfriend also sucks and I hope he breaks up with her—how insecure do you have to be to be threatened by a blanket?”
“But hey, he’s doing so well for an autistic!”
“(I am neurodivergent, as are all four of my children, and OP and the girlfriend clearly don’t deserve someone as amazing as a person on the spectrum and both can go get wrecked.)” – CeruleanRose9
“YTA. His girlfriend is also a major a**hole.”
“The blanket was his coping mechanism, something that is highly encouraged by therapists to find. I cannot believe you did that. He deserves so much better than the two of you.” – honeymaidwafers
“How insecure must the girlfriend be if she feels jealous of a d**n blanket. She is an a**hole.”
“Op, however, reigns supreme a**hole. Op is well aware of his traumatic childhood and how much his coping mechanism helps him. To take that away like it’s nothing is just plain bloody cruel.”
“They both betrayed him and there should be a special place in h**l for people who think nothing of betraying someone they supposedly love.” – Lokiberry316
“All this reminds me that episode of the Big Bang Theory when Sheldon confesses to Amy about his secret storage for things as he is unable to throw them away.”
“And how does Amy react about it? SHE RESPECTS IT, TRIES TO UNDERSTAND HIM AND SUPPORTS HIM!”
“Because that is what good girlfriends (and friends) do, whether their partner has special needs or not.”
“Both you and the girlfriend are a**holes.” – Epsiloniota
Redditors were very direct in what they thought should happen.
“YES, YOU ARE A F’KING A**HOLE. START DATING HIS GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE SHE IS ALSO A HUGE A**HOLE AND YOU TWO ARE F’KING PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.”
“YOU TWO DESERVE EACH OTHER.”
”YOUR FRIEND DESERVES BETTER PEOPLE IN HIS LIFE. I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM.” ‐ SmartPuppyy
“She does NOT deserve a better boyfriend. HE deserves a better girlfriend. And best friend.”
“You had no right nor did the girlfriend to decide what comfort mechanisms he MEDICALLY needed.”
“You both suck so bad. Find the blanket, give it back (after a CAREFUL professional cleaning) and then apologize profusely.”
“He may never forgive you and you don’t deserve to be forgiven. But you might get lucky.” – harpejjist
After receiving Reddit’s feedback, the OP shared an update.
“I have finished my shift and have read the comments. Upon some reflection, I realized how much of a problem I caused.”
“My IRL (in real life) friends all sided with me, saying that his girlfriend deserves a better guy, saying it’s just a blanket. This led me to believe I was in the right.”
“For those saying I’m sleeping with my friend’s girlfriend, I am not, and I have a partner of my own.”
“I sided with her as I want to fix their relationship because I don’t want my friend to become a bitter incel again like in high school.”
The OP then tried to make things right.
“I am currently leaving work to drive to the dumpster I threw the blanket in.”
“Luckily it doesn’t get emptied until next week. I’ll let you guys know if I found it.”
Ultimately, they had some good news to share.
“I have found it. I am taking it to a professional cleaner first thing in the morning.”
One Redditor offered good advice for the OP’s future possible friendship—if he’s ever forgiven.
“YTA – if he’s your best friend and you know he’s autistic I suggest you do some research on autism.”
“High functioning is not really a thing, it’s just a way to distinguish autistic people that can ‘act normal in society’ but they are still autistic people. He for sure had a meltdown at the loss of a major coping mechanism/comfort item.”
“You both suck for that, but you at least are redeeming yourself by finding it. His girlfriend is a massive a**hole, is she aware that he’s autistic and this isn’t about her?”
“My partner is autistic too and never in my life would I think that him loving his comfort items would negate his love for me. It’s not ‘just a blanket’ to him, educate yourself and be a better friend.” – Odd_Pride_4841
While the OP may have thought he was doing the right thing for his friend’s relationship—based on what the girlfriend was telling him without ever consulting his supposed best friend—the subReddit insisted this was absolutely not it.
Hopefully the friend will accept his blanket back and will not attach this negative memory to it.
If he accepts the friendship back is an entirely different issue.
It will be a long time before he ever trusts the OP again.