When we give someone a gift, we usually give it to them in hopes that they will cherish it, and keep it forever.
Certain gifts, however, are far more precious and personal than others, resulting in us taking a bit more notice and care over how they are treated.
Should this relationship ever hit rocky ground, we may even find ourselves regretting ever giving these friends these gifts.
But do we have the right to ask for them back?
Redditor Respiratory_4_life was in the process of ending her marriage.
With divorce comes the unpleasant task of dividing assets and property.
Much to the original poster (OP)’s surprise, however, her soon-to-be ex-husband requested she return a gift he had given her.
Wondering if she would be in the wrong to deny this request, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA if I didn’t give back a mother’s ring?”
The OP explained why she was reluctant to return a ring her husband gave her as a gift:
“I’m on my second marriage.”
“In my first marriage, I had two daughters.”
“Their father is still very much in their lives.”
“No kids with the second marriage.”
“My second husband made a mother’s ring that included mine, his, and my two daughter’s birthstones.”
“I’m now getting divorced again.”
“Second husband is requesting the mother’s ring back.”
“Frankly, I won’t wear the ring again, but thought I could take the stones (minus his) and make into a necklace.”
“And I really just don’t want to give it back, and being petty, give in to his request.”
“He hasn’t stated why he wants it back.”
“I have already returned his family rings (engagement and wedding rings).”
“But he says he wants all the jewelry that he gave me back.”
“WIBTA if I didn’t return anything else?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP would not be the a**hole for refusing to give back the ring.
Everyone agreed that as the ring was a gift, the OP was under no obligation to return that ring, and if anyone was being petty, it was the OP’s soon-to-be ex-husband for demanding she return all jewelry:
“NTA.”
“A gift is a gift.”
“The only one that’s not truly a gift legally is an engagement ring, and for that, different jurisdictions have different laws.”
“But any other jewelry given to you was an unconditional gift that’s yours to keep.”
“Asking for all jewelry he’s ever given you back is petty AF.”
“You don’t have to do it.”
“Obviously, you’ll be negotiating assets in the divorce and may ultimately choose to, but you had zero moral or legal obligation to do so.”- Tanyec
“NTA.”
“It was a gift.”
“It belongs to you.”
“You are under zero obligation to give it back – or any of the other jewelry he gave you.”
“I think it is good you gave any family heirlooms back, but otherwise, nope.”
“It is yours.”
“Just as if he gave you any books as a present, they would be yours.”
“Jewelry is no different.”- RachSlixi
“NTA.”
“It was a gift.”
“It’s yours.”- PrestigiousPear2383
“NTA.”
“It was kind of you to return your engagement and wedding rings as they were family rings.”
“You do not owe him the return of any gifts.”
“He wants it back so you can’t have it, not because he has another plan for it.”- Sandmint
“NTA it was a gift.”
“It’s yours.”
“I’d tell him to get lost!”- JenninMiami
“NTA.”
“That was a gift.”
“Did you ever give him anything expensive?”
“Ask for it back and see if he thinks that’s weird.”- PartyCat78
“He gave you the ring as a gift, so he has no ownership over it, and therefore cannot force you to ‘give it back’.”
“He’d have no legal standing either to try and force you, because gifts are just that, gifts.”
“You give someone something for them to now own; he didn’t lend it to you.”
“Your idea of the necklace sounds wonderful, so I’d do that!”
“Then, if you wanted, you could always give the remnants back to him.”
“Though I’d hazard a guess that it wouldn’t go down too well, but then my petty ass would find great pleasure in that!”
“Regardless, you’re NTA.”
“It isn’t his property, so he can’t ask for it ‘back’.”
” Him asking for all the jewelry he ever gave you is petty as hell, and also, he’s probably trying to screw you over with assets in your divorce.”
“Jewelry can be worth a decent amount, depending on the quality.”
“I wouldn’t give anything back unless you have sat down with your divorce lawyers and worked out who gets what, but even then, I don’t know if jewelry he GIFTED you would automatically be counted in that.”
“It’s like you gifting him a belt or cuff links, then demanding you get them in the divorce.”
“It’s beyond pathetic and just vindictive, cause you would likely not use them.”
“Plus, I’d have thought that you’d split mutual assets, not more personal things like jewelry.”
“Personally, I’d rope things like that in with things like my clothes and stuff.”
“But hey, I’ve never been divorced, and don’t know a huge amount about the legal side.”
“So just take my thoughts with a pinch of salt!”
“Just be sure to get a lawyer to sign off before relinquishing anything.”- Smidgenous
“‘He hasn’t stated why he wants it back. I have already returned his family rings (engagement and wedding rings). But he says he wants all the jewelry that he gave me back’.”
“This is possibly the easiest NTA I have ever given here.”
“His reasons for wanting it back are utterly irrelevant.”
“He has zero legal or ethical right to jewelry (or anything else) that he gave you as a gift.”
“That is not how giving gifts works.”
“That he wants it is of no consequence or meaning.”
“I want someone to give me a billion dollars; doesn’t mean I’m entitled to it.”
“While there may have been some question about the engagement ring – but even then, only if the engagement was broken – that is now moot both because you fulfilled the promise of engagement by marrying him, but also because you were generous enough to give those back without argument, despite the fact that he didn’t necessarily have any right to it.”
“He doesn’t get to ask you for things back that he gave to you as good faith gifts in the course of your marriage.”
“That’s not a thing.”
“I mean, okay, he can ask, but again, he has literally no right to any of it.”
“Not from a legal standpoint, not from a moral standpoint … if anything, he is being spiteful and petty, and you have no ethical responsibility to feed into his bullsh*t.”
“If you want to keep the ring, keep the ring.”
“Even if you never wear it again, it’s yours.”
“THAT is how gifts work.”- Sorry_I_Guess
“NTA.”
“The jewelry were gifts.”
“He can F off.”
“Get a lawyer involved asap.”- margoking
“NTA.”
“Family heirlooms are one thing; general gifts are another.”
“Keep the ring and anything else he gifted you with – divorce doesn’t mean he gets to erase the marriage (or you) as if it never happened.”
“Choices have consequences.”- Normal-Height-8577
“NTA.”
“This was a gift for you, he is just being petty.”- FranksFrankThoughts
“NTA.”
“Gifts are gifts.”
“It’s not in the same category as a wedding ring, engagement ring, or family heirloom.”
“It was made for you, given to you as a gift.”
“It wasn’t a loan.”
“You are entitled to keep it.”
“He’s being petty and spiteful, trying to take back gifts.”
“Do not give it or anything else to him.”- Bluntandfiesty
“NTA.”
“Nope.”
“It was a gift.”
“Keep it, sell it, throw it away, it’s yours to do what you want.”
“What an ask!”- keishajay
“NTA.”
“Keep your jewelry and tell him to kick rocks.”- Faybe3
“NTA and not petty.”
“The ring(s) and jewelry were gifts, not loans.”
“No reason for him to expect to get them back.”
“Giving back the family rings was nice of you, but even that wasn’t necessary.”- mm1palmer
“NTA, it was a gift.”
“He doesn’t get to take back the gifts he gave you.”
“Not his kids, not his ring.”
“Not his business.”- BoobySlap_0506
“No.”
“Gifts are gifts.”
“The ring is yours.”
“NTA.”- GroundbreakingPast31
“Soooooo NTA in this scenario!”
“He is wanting it back just to ‘get under your skin’.”
“Ain’t no way in hell I would give it back.”
“Match energy, baby!”
“He wants to be an a&&hole and ask for something he THOUGHT he knew meant something to you.”
“If by chance you do give it back, give it to him with just his stone.”
“Petty is as petty does!”
“Humans like this deserve what they put out into the world.”
“Never cared.”-LazyKaleidoscope3859
No doubt, the OP’s soon-to-be ex-husband is likely angry and confused by his marriage coming to an end.
To that point, he may regret giving the OP such a special, personal gift.
Even so, as it was a gift to the OP, it is rightfully hers to keep.
No matter how sad or angry the OP’s soon-to-be ex may be feeling.