Though it's 2022, there are still people who do not respect other people's boundaries and far too many people who are willing to defend those negative behaviors.
It's especially troubling when a person intrudes on a person's boundaries in their own home, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Upon discovering that their wife had been made to feel unsafe in her own home while a repairman was present, Redditor fenderscore used the opportunity to give the man a negative review for his behavior.
But when the company asked them to focus on the service and not the unsafe situation, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled.
They asked the sub:
"AITA for leaving a repairman a bad review for flirting with my wife?"
The OP's wife recently made a service request for the air conditioning unit.
"The air conditioner broke last week while I was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night."
"A company we'd used before without issues sent a guy over. He fixed the air conditioner with no problem."
But the service did not go according to plan.
"But once he'd left, I woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife, who was hysterical."
"Apparently, within minutes of showing up, he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements."
"She made it clear she wasn't interested without being outright rude because she didn't want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner."
"The tech kept trying to put moves on her, and then after he'd fixed the A/C, he didn't leave right away, trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could 'spend the night to make sure she was safe.'"
"Eventually, he realized he was driving down a dead end and left, but the whole thing just really freaked her out, having some guy in the house who didn't leave when asked and everything."
The OP and the company manager had a discussion about the incident.
"I was p**sed to hear about all this, and she was shaken up by the incident, so we left a review on their Google and Yelp pages, saying what had happened."
"The company is pretty small, so the owner called me to apologize a couple of days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night, not expecting to be called out to an emergency job."
"He said that 'his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted' by my wife."
"He asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by his first name, and apparently, a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy."
"The owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business, not a bedside manner business, and that they did fix the air conditioner, so they deserved a higher rating."
The OP was infuriated by the manager's priorities.
"I told them our review stands, and they basically said we were a**holes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding."
"On the one hand, they did fix the air conditioner, and that's what we called them to do."
"On the other hand, I feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them, even if it was a one-time thing."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were grateful the OP and their wife had posted the existing review.
"NTA, and don't you dare take that review down. I'm sure a lot of women would prefer to have that information before letting them into their house. As a woman myself, I know I would."
"And trust me, your review isn't hurting the business, keeping that guy on the payroll is. Drinking and inappropriately flirting with clients on the job? Not a good work ethic." - Cyclonic2500
"NTA, and this is terrifying. You should do more than leave a Yelp review; if you're in the US, this is a Better Business Bureau type of issue."
"I would be getting my guns if this happened to me. No exaggeration. A man comes into my home late at night, flirts with me, and refuses to leave when asked? That's a terrifying situation for a woman to be in, especially with no one to call for help."
"The fact that the owner supports this behavior and is more worried about the reputation of his worker than the fact that he made a woman intensely uncomfortable (and probably also terrified) means that this could happen again to someone else." - IAmAllOfTheSith
"NTA. People have a right to be warned about crap like this. All you did was share your experience."
"If the guy overly aggressively coming onto your wife causes him personal problems, that's on him. He should have thought of that first. Sexual harassment is not funny." - WifeofBath1984
"He suggested that he 'stay the night' and made a point of mentioning to her that she appeared to be alone. There was no misunderstanding. There was no 'joke'. He harassed your wife, and his boss is trying to cover for him instead of holding him accountable for his actions."
"When I was 19 and living alone, this kind of tech was my absolute nightmare. Good on you for standing up for your wife."
"I doubt he was drunk, but if he was and he was fucking with the electrics in your house, does that somehow make this better?!"
"NTA." - scarletteapot
"'Apparently a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy.' Yes, and it should, because that's exactly what happened. And that's exactly what reviews are for."
"A drunk repair guy harassing a client is not a personal issue that should be hidden, it's a totally unprofessional move, and either the boss should do something about it, or the potential clients should know what to expect from them!"
"NTA!" - aka-ryuu
"Absolutely not! Leave that review up! Women everywhere need to know that company allowed an intoxicated employee to go to work, sexually harass a customer, and then wanted to sweep it under the rug."
"That review empowers your neighbors to protect themselves."
"H**l, I'd update it to say the employee was drunk and the company thinks harassment is a 'misinterpretation of humor.'"
"NTA!" - charlottedhouse
Others agreed and recommended adding details to the review about that phone call.
"NTA, edit the review to add the additional information that the company tried to blow off how gross their tech behaved towards a customer and had been drinking before coming to work."
"Good on you for backing your wife up. I've had exes tell me I was overreacting to creepy men and I imagine it was really comforting for her to have you validate her fears. Don't back down." - crabbyashley
"Wowee, NTA."
"The man drove to you under the influence, was intoxicated on the job, and sexually harassed your wife in her own home. And now the owner is defending his employee and excusing his behavior?"
"You should add the owner's response to your review, honestly. Potential customers have the right to know that, if they are sexually harassed by employees, there will be no recourse from management." - pickle_back_betty
"NTA and I would honestly add what the owner said to the review you made because that's creepy that he started victim-blaming your wife." - SparklySophiaLou
"NTA. Update it to include the drinking on a job and the owner's reaction. You are helping people and holding them accountable for what sounds like a horrifying situation for wifey."
"All my love to her. This stuff is not easy. But you did the right thing." - HoldMeCloserTinyRaptr
"NTA."
"Honestly, I'd update the review to reflect the conversation you had with the owner."
"The guy was drinking and driving? Then working on your AC system while also drunk? They can't even back peddle and say he was only slightly buzzed because they are blaming him for offering to spend the night with your wife on his drinking earlier in the day!"
"So either he was drunk driving and working, or he knowingly made inappropriate sexual advances on your wife in her own home."
"The company has no legs to stand on here."
"As a single home-owning female, this p**ses me off!" - __Gettin_Schwifty__
"NTA. That was not 'flirting' but actually harassment. Do NOT remove your review of the company. Add to it and note that not only are the servicemen working for the company rude and inappropriate but that the owner is condoning their behavior."
"Next, find their Facebook page (because in this day and age almost every business has one) and leave your updated review there. Next, go to your town's Facebook page (there's always one 'I was born here' a**hole that has one) and leave your updated review there as well."
"Let the citizens roast the company and the workers. I'm almost positive this isn't a first-time occurrence and the repercussions they may face? Frankly, they deserve it." - vita_phobe
The subReddit was grateful the OP had written the review and included the technician's unsafe behavior, even if it wasn't a part of the air conditioning unit service. The fact that the OP's wife was made to feel unsafe in her own home while a service was being provided would be more than enough reason to include that in the initial review.
But the subReddit didn't see a reason to stop there. Many felt the exchange with the manager should be included in an updated review, as well, and more people should be informed of the review.
The whole purpose of reviews is to help other customers make better-informed decisions before making a purchase, and unfortunately, this experience would have to be something for potential future customers to consider when buying.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.