It’s no secret that weddings have a way of bringing out the worst in some people, but this is especially true for people who have been harboring feelings.
Sometimes people let unrelated feelings impact how they will handle their wedding, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor lemoncakesyes decided to base who they would invite to their wedding partially on how their parents felt about the attendees.
But when they realized it might impact their relationship with their brother, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were doing the wrong thing.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for not inviting my SIL (sister-in-law) to my wedding because my mom hates her?”
The OP’s brother recently got married.
“My brother got married recently. My parents hate her because she made an amateur adult video with her ex and everyone knows about it.”
“They told my brother they’d cut him off if he went through with the wedding and then he did end up marrying her and my parents haven’t talked to them since.”
“I still keep in touch with my brother though and we hang out occasionally.”
The OP decided not to invite the whole couple to their own wedding.
“I guess the problem is that I told my brother he could come to my wedding but SIL can’t.”
“I don’t want to deal with the drama and my parents are paying for our wedding and still provide a lot of financial support to me.”
“They’re also more important to me than my brother or SIL, I don’t think I should be put in a position to choose between them or SIL.”
“My brother is calling me the a**hole for not inviting his wife to the wedding because I don’t want any drama on my wedding day.”
“However, it’s just not my problem and it’s not a hill I’m willing to die on or risk angering my parents for.”
“Following up, do you think it would be more or less of an asshole move to just not invite my brother either?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said this would absolutely ruin the OP’s relationship with their brother.
“YTA. Blatant exclusion of your brother’s wife is pretty cold, especially if it’s because your parents can’t get over the fact that she had a past they don’t agree with.”
“Important situation to put yourself in her shoes and see if you would be hurt not being invited to your spouse’s sibling’s wedding for something you can’t change.” – daisy5776
“Yes, YTA. Be prepared for this to ruin your relationship with your brother. Your mom needs to get over herself and accept that this is who your brother married.” – duke113
“YTA. Are you willing to lose your brother over this? Because there is a very big chance that it will cause this to happen.” – moongirl12
“YTA and so are your parents. You’re willing to ruin your relationship with your brother because you want your parents to continue financially supporting you.”
“YTA if you invite your brother and not his wife and YTA if you don’t invite either of them.”
“The only thing that would make you NTA would be to invite them both and ask your parents to respect your decision.” – bloody_megan
Others pointed out the drama was invented from a prior relationship.
“YTA… your parents let something in SIL’s past, before your brother even met her, destroy their relationship with their son. Time for everyone to start acting like adults.” – LilKGettinIt
“This amateur video could be something that was supposed to be private but was leaked by the ex (revenge porn), in which case this woman is being revictimized by her in-laws.”
“Either way, I think OP is the AH, and so are her parents.” – HonestCrab7
“Ultimately it’s your wedding and you’re going to need to make a decision about what’s important to you and what kind of person you want to be.”
“So far YTA in that you’re pushing your parents’ agenda with your wedding invite when it doesn’t really sound like you have any issue with her and the point of this is to essentially destroy their relationship (whether you actually want that to happen or not).”
“I guess the questions you need to ask yourself are ‘Do I have a problem with my brother marrying this person because of her past?’ and ‘Am I able to deal with the possible consequences of inviting her to my wedding without holding it against her?'”
“Your parents are essentially demanding your complicity in punishing your brother and if you don’t want to be, I think you owe it to yourself and your brother not to.” – Probably_A_F**ker
Some pointed out the OP was YTA for being driven by money.
“YTA. And so are your parents. If your brother was paying for the wedding, I guess you would not invite your parents?”
“I just can’t get over how much your parents suck for making their dumb opinion more important than your brother’s happiness. And you’re okay with that because of money. Blech.” – Andie787
“YTA so she made a choice when she was younger… we all do things for money. Like you still mooching off your parents.”
“Your parents sound controlling, judgmental and AH’s. Have you considered your bro made the right choice going NC (no contact) with them?” – ButteryBisquit
“YTA: Your parents are being a-holes about this. They’re using money to control you and your brother, but it’s not working on your brother.”
“Unless you have a disability or something, don’t get married unless you don’t need big financial support from your folks.” – karskipellis
Though everyone could agree that the OP was in the right to plan their own wedding how they saw fit, they did not agree with what the OP was doing.
Judging someone permanently for something they did in the past, quite possibly as part of a previous romantic relationship, isn’t the kindest thing to do, especially if it’s an attempt to invite their brother without the whole couple.
Perhaps some of the subReddit was right in saying that this was financially-motivated, or a terrible act of shaming their sister-in-law.