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Couple Balks After Sister Demands They Pay For Her Family To Attend Hawaii Wedding She Initially Declined

A couple walks hand in hand on the beach
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Planning a wedding is fun, but never easy.

And sometimes major changes are going to occur, especially when it comes the guest list.

Dealing with a ton of people’s logistics can be a nightrmare.

So how much are the bride and groom expected to compromise?

Case in point…

Redditor One_Ambassador_2316 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for not reinviting my sister and her family to my wedding after we changed it?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My fiancé and I planned to have a large wedding in July at a venue in the country.”

“I guess that was too out of the way for most people because only 14 people rsvp-ed that they were coming.”

“We had already set aside money for our wedding and since there was no longer going to be a lot of people coming we decided to splurge.”

“So, we asked everyone who rsvp-ed that they were coming if they could take a few extra days off for a longer trip to Hawaii all expenses paid by us.”

“Everyone said yes, so we started booking tickets and suites at this nice resort.”

“We also planned some fun things to do while we’re there.”

“Everyone is very excited for the trip.”

“Now my sister, who rsvp-ed that she and her family weren’t coming, is upset that I didn’t reinvite her when we changed plans.”

“She thinks that since it’s basically a different trip they should have been told.”

“Originally she said she couldn’t come to our wedding because that time of the year is very difficult for her and her husband because the summer is the busiest time for their business.”

“They have a landscaping business.”

“Also she said traveling that far with all her kids would be difficult because of the long car ride.”

“It would have been around a 3 hour drive from where she lives.”

“So it doesn’t make any sense to me for her to say she can go on a longer trip even farther away.”

“The plane trip is almost 9 hours long.”

“Also she says it’s unfair because our brother and his family gets to go while hers doesn’t.”

“That’s making her kids feel left out because their cousins are going and my sister says it’s like playing favorites.”

“My sister and her family would be five more people so even if we wanted to reinvite them they would cause us to go way over budget.”

“The only other option would be to drastically downgrade the trip we already promised everyone.”

“It just seems totally unfair to everyone else, but my sister also thinks I’m being unfair and says we pulled a ‘reverse bait and switch.'”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. She doesn’t want to celebrate your wedding, she wants Hawaii.”

“She can pay for that herself.” ~ claireclairey

“This 100%. OP, she wants a free trip.”

“Too bad. Just tell her, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way, but is your busy season suddenly less busy?'”

“‘Can your kids suddenly handle a longer trip?'”

“‘You told me those were your reasons for not coming, and those reasons haven’t changed, so let’s move on.'”

“If she keeps pushing, let her know that your budget is maxed out, but you’d never stop her from coming!”

“They’ll just have to pay for themselves!”

“Now the whole family can have fun together!”

“Watch how fast she backtracks.” ~ crystallz2000

“I would die on this hill if I were OP.”

“Go on the offensive from minute one and tell every single person I know about it.”

“‘Can you believe it??'”

“My own sister told me she couldn’t come to my wedding.”

“It broke my heart but I kept telling myself that it was because she COULDN’T, not because I’m not important to her.”

“And now that is a payed trip??”

“Oh, now she not only can spare even more time than for the original event, but has the gall to demand to be invited!!”

“I feel the size of an ant.”

“She truly couldn’t care less about my wedding, right?”

“Otherwise she would have made the effort the first time?”

“How could she do this??”

“What type of person misses her sister’s wedding??”

“Crying if you feel like it while telling other family members instead of holding it back.”

“NTA of course.”

“Good lesson for the niblings too, karma is a b*tch.” ~ tinaciv

“Exactly. Your own sister couldn’t make a three hour trip to celebrate your wedding for lack of time and the travelling was considered too long for the kids.”

“And apparently the kids wouldn’t have felt left out had they not attended the original wedding.”

“She want to mooch a free family vacation. It’s definitely not about your wedding.”

“She can pay for it herself, and you can tell her that she can consider paying for her own family expenses her wedding present to you.”

“NTA. Have a wonderful wedding with the people who from the beginning really wanted to be there for you.” ~ DoIwantToKnow6417

“NTA! And isn’t it great?”

“I read this and laughed.”

“Oh the beautiful Karma.”

“Sister couldn’t be bothered to be a little inconvenienced when it was a destination she didn’t like but boy are her panties in a bunch now!”

“OP, don’t you dare change a single thing to accommodate that woman.”

“I hope you have a spectacular wedding!” ~ ElectronicEcho2788

“This is exactly it.”

“My S[ister] I[n] L[aw] and her husband just had the exact same situation where his own siblings refused to attend their wedding in a different state.”

“Unfortunately my SIL caved and they moved the wedding closer to where the siblings live.”

“They did nothing to help with the wedding, no-showed or arrived late to certain events, and were generally unpleasant.”

“OP is definitely NTA.” ~ zootzootzooter

“NTA… you can give her the details the flights and hotels you will be staying at and let her know she is welcome to book these on her own.”

“However since she rsvp’d no, you are not able to pay for anything other than the wedding meal.”

“She just wants a free trip.”

“If you were important to her she would have made the time to come to the original planned wedding.” ~ winesis

“Honestly, before extending the courtesy of saying she can go if she pays for herself, I would ask her flat out how she can manage to make the wedding now that it’s in Hawaii when she couldn’t make the wedding in the country when the original plan would be less of a commitment.”

“I want to see if she can come up with any answer other than ‘I didn’t want to go to the country, I wanna go to Hawaii.'” ~ Snoo-65195

“Love this response.”

“Lets face it, based on the original plans (3 hour drive), this could have been a day trip, perhaps leaving the venue after the meal at the reception.”

“She just didn’t want to come and came up with crap excuses.”

“She made her feelings about you known initially and now just wants the free trip, which would be several days long…. how could they manage to get away from their busy season. NTA.” ~ mca2021

“NTA, if a 3 hour drive trip during her busy season is too much for her then a longer trip to Hawaii certainly should be a well.”

“She RSVPed as No and doesn’t get to change that because the destination is suddenly more interesting for her.”

“She doesn’t want to support you at your wedding, she just wants a paid beach vacation.” ~ Imaginary_Building_4

“NTA. She wants an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii.”

“She’s TA and selfish for not going to your original wedding plan but wanting a free trip.”

“Maybe re-invite them, but make them pay for their own flights and hotel.”

“Yeah, you’ll have to pay a little extra for food/drinks at the reception, but that wouldn’t be as expensive as paying for their suite and flights too.”

“I’m guessing suddenly she won’t want to come… since it isn’t a free vacation.”

“But that would be a compromise.” ~ feedmebananabread

“NTA. Your sister is basically saying that she didn’t prioritize your wedding when it was in the original location, because it wasn’t fun enough for her, but now wants to go on a fun, free, holiday.”

“And yes, fair enough, we all want a free holiday, but she showed you her priorities clearly.” ~ Express-Zucchini6177

“I would tell her you didn’t think she would want to be reinvited to a longer trip that’s further away than the original 3 hour drive.”

“Since it’s still the busy season for her business and that kids who have difficulty on a 3 hour drive would have 3 times as much difficulty on a 9 hour plane ride.”

“You are NTA, but your sister is TAH for trying to get a free Hawaiian vacation from you when she couldn’t be bothered to attend your wedding.” ~ Goddess7777777

“Choices have consequences.”

“She does not sound like a great sister.”

“If she couldn’t take one day to come to your wedding.”

“But can miraculously make time for a longer trip to Hawaii if it’s on your dime.”

“You found out who really wanted to be there for your wedding, which was not your sister and family.”

“Enjoy your time in Hawaii and your intimate small wedding with the people that WANT to be there for you!” ~ Mike_in_CO

Well OP, Reddit is with you.

Your wedding, your rules.

People have to live with their choices, even if plans change.

Have a greta wedding!

Good luck.