Every wedding tends to have a theme and a look.
And that’s great.
But sometimes, certain looks may come off a step too far.
That can lead to a lot of hurt feelings.
Case in point…
Redditor basquiat28 wanted to discuss her experiences. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for pulling my daughter out of my sister’s wedding at the last minute?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So for context, I (29 F[emale]) have three children with my wife (28 F), R (6 F), J (4 F), and A (3 M[ale]).”
“My sister (3 1F) was getting married, and asked that my eldest daughter be the flower girl.”
“My sister and I aren’t close, since I live in France and my family is in the US, but I agreed.”
“When we flew to my hometown a week before the wedding, I was surprised to learn that there were multiple flower girls.”
“Three others, ranging from 3-7 years old (the daughters of friends).”
“I didn’t have a problem with that, but I did worry a bit that J would feel left out.”
“My wife asked my sister about it casually over dinner at my parent’s four days before the wedding, to see if there was any chance J could be included.”
“I didn’t want her to have to change any major plans and I was okay with her saying no.”
“But we were more so curious about the reason for the exclusion.”
“She told us, however, that the reason was because she and her fiancé wanted a certain look for all their flower girls.”
“For context, my wife is blonde with blue eyes, and she carried R and A.”
“Both of whom look a lot like her.”
“My family and I have brown hair and brown eyes.”
“I carried J, and she looks like me.”
“My sister dyes her hair blonde however and her husband is very fair.”
“I quickly realized that the other flower girls were all blonde, so I asked my sister if that was the reason for J’s exclusion.”
“She told me it was, and that she and her fiancé thought it would be cuter if all the flower girls were adorable blue eyed blondes.”
“Like his family and their future kids.”
“My wife kind of freaked out at this.”
“And called my sister some pretty nasty things (psychotic N*zi might have been thrown around) and I backed her up because I was angry too.”
“We left and the next morning I texted my sister that R would not be a flower girl.”
“I didn’t think this would be a huge deal, since they had multiple.”
“She was furious though, and she called me crying about how stressful wedding planning is and how my wife and I were being very inconsiderate.”:
“She told me that my wife needed to apologize for her outburst at dinner. “
“I told her that she’d done nothing to show that what my wife said was wrong.”
“On the day of the wedding my wife and I decided to just leave all the kids with a friend of mine, since we didn’t want them involved in what was going on.”
“My wife and I were polite throughout the wedding and mingled with other guests, but didn’t talk to my sister.”
“Now some of my family members have reached out and told me that my wife and I were really selfish and horrible to my sister.”
“And that we made a big deal over nothing on my sister’s big day.”
“My aunt likened the situation to picking out bridesmaid’s dresses, and that wanting her flower girls to all look alike was totally normal.”
“It still feels wrong to me, and my wife is still livid.”
“I do realize though that maybe we spoke a little too harshly to my sister in the heat of the moment.”
“And I’m wondering if I should have apologized for getting so angry at the very least.”
“I don’t know, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Your sister wanted an Aryan wedding party. Gross.”
“Aside to your aunt: people aren’t accessories.”
“You get ‘matching’ flower girls/ bridesmaids/whatevs by coordinating their outfits, not their ethnicities.” ~ QuasarDilemma
“Karma will probably give her brown hair and brown eyed children.”
“But genetics is a bit more complicated than high school biology punnet squares would have us believe.”
“There is more than just what eye and hair color each parent has that goes into it.”
“Even my own experience shows this: my husband is blonde and blue eyed.”
“I am brown hair and brown eyed, and our kids are both blonde and blue eyed.”
“So it’s possible the sister will get her dream aryan children, but she’s playing a the genetic lottery the same as anyone else.” ~ I_Like_Knitting_TBH
“OP’s sister is delusional if she thinks her potential future kids have no chance of having dark hair and dark eyes.”
“Maybe all those years of dyeing her hair has bleached her brain.”
“Also, can you imagine how awful it would be if her sister had blonde, blue eyed children and then one child with brown hair and brown eyes?”
“Chances are slim to none that the brown haired child would be treated well.”
“Hopefully OP’s sister doesn’t end up having any kids.” ~ Jennifer_Slowpezz
“Imagine bridezilla’s shock when she learns how DNA works.”
“As a brunette that dyes her hair blonde, expecting her and her hubby to churn out all blonde haired, blue eyed babies is ignorance at its finest.”
“Not that I’m surprised. NTA.” ~ OwnBrother2559
“Picking out blue eyed blond family children to the exclusion of brown haired children is not the same as picking a bridesmaid dress to look the same.”
“Sheesh. NTA. Don’t let it bother you for a minute longer.”
“The bride was wrong.’
“Also, I laughed when she said the blue eyed blond flower girls will be like her future kids when she dyes her hair blond.”
“Will she be dying her kids hair when she has brown haired children?” ~ coloradogrown85
“Has sis never seen the experiment that teacher Jane Elliot performed on third grade school kids?”
“She just told them that brown-eyed children are ‘better.'”
“Those brown eyed kids got more confident, tested better, began harassing the blue-eyed kids.”
“The blue-eyed kids grew less confident and their test scores dropped.”
“This is from a single adult telling them that one eye-color was better than the other.”
“Here is a bride repeating that experiment with your children. NTA.”
“https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Elliott#First_exercise_involving_eye_color”
~ lotus_eater123
“NTA. Honestly she cared more about the aesthetic of the wedding than she cared about people.”
“It’s messed up she only wanted blue eyed blond children for her wedding.”
“She made that decision however nearly every person I know would have a serious problem being valued for their look over their importance to the couple.”
“It’s the same thing when brides try to make a Bridesmaid lose weight or color hair to achieve a certain look.”
“My opinion of her would be forever changed that she valued looks over someone’s feelings or closeness.”
“Also I would laugh if she had a brown haired, brown eyed kid.”
“What the heck is that about.” ~ Prudent_Border5060
“NTA. I’m not sure why you bothered to show up to the wedding at all.”
“But good for you that you didn’t allow this disgusting bigotry to include your children.”
“You might want to go low or no contact with your sister.”
“Someone who only values people for hair/eye color (or any other physical characteristic for that matter) are NOT going to be loving family members for any of your kids.”
“Your kids deserve to be loved for who they are, not what they look like.” ~ Comment7215
“NTA. Now, you say that J, with brown hair, brown eyes, looks like you.”
“And you sister has dyed blond hair.”
“Sooooooooooooo, your sister’s flower girls may have been very cute, with their blond hair and blue eyes, but I doubt very much that your sister’s children are all going to look like the flower girls.”
“What does she plan to do with her brown hair, brown eyes children?”
“Exclude them altogether from her family?”
“Or only from her family pics so that the pics have them all looking cute?” ~Franchuta
“NTA. Your sister’s attitude is disgusting.”
“I wonder if she realises that just because she dyes her hair blonde doesn’t change her genes.”
“How are her and her husband going to treat any children they have that don’t fit the blonde hair & blue eyed ideal they have in their heads?”
“I feel bad for your future nieces and nephews!” ~ Many-Rest
OP… Reddit is with you and the wife here.
People are entitled to do what they want for their weddings.
But there are consequences and concerns sometimes that need addressing.
Hopefully as a family you can all come together and find closure on the issue.