The most confusing and frustrating thing about high school bullies is not knowing what compels them to bully.
In most cases, it’s sadly as simple as the fact that they don’t like the people they’re bullying.
In other cases, it can be repressed feelings, which results in their lashing out in aggressive and unjustified behavior.
Redditor Fickle_BerryPie was beyond dismayed when his sister became romantically involved with the man who bullied him all through high school.
But much to the original poster (OP)’s surprise, a private encounter with his former bully shed some light on his past behavior.
But after his sister didn’t believe what he told her was true, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling my sister’s boyfriend a creep?”
The OP first shared how his sister’s current boyfriend was his high school bully, but there were signs that he seemed to have turned a new leaf.
“I (25 M[ale]) have never liked my sister’s boyfriend, mainly due to his behavior and my past history with him.”
“He used to be a absolute jerk to me, picking on me for the most minor things.”
“Being gay in a rural town doesn’t often go well.”
“Scaring away any friends I could’ve made, and just an overall jerk that I hated back then, and still hold some resentment towards him as he made my high school years miserable for the most part.
“But I try to move on for the sake of my well-being.”
“Well a few months ago, my sister has started to date my old-high school bully much to my shock, claiming that he had changed and all.”
“And for a while it seemed like he did, as he seemed genuinely remorseful and apologized.”
“I still haven’t completely forgave him though, but I don’t hold as much as a grudge.”
But over time, the OP’s sister’s boyfriend behavior once again became a problem, while also possibly explaining his decision to bully in high school.
“There had been a few incidents where he had been oddly touchy and close to me that went a tad beyond a friendly touch, but those had really happened when he was under the influence, so I thought nothing of it.”
“Until last week, he had came over to my place to pick up something my sister had left when she had came to visit “Just a necklace.”
“I don’t want to go to much into detail as the whole experience was just uncomfortable, but he kinda came on to me, admitting that he used to have feelings for me in HS, and just got really close despite my obvious discomfort.”
“I don’t know if the feelings still linger, but I don’t want to find out.”
“Needless to say, I kicked him out and called my sister, telling her a bit of what happened and said he was a creep.”
“My sister didn’t really believe me and accused me of just trying to get rid of him because of what he did to me in high school, and my parents are coming to her defense, and just making it feel like it never happened.”
“I’m just frustrated right now and feeling some guilt as I could be overblowing this situation.
“Nor do I want to ruin my sister’s relationship, but he literally came onto me in my own place.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly took the side of the OP, agreeing he was not the a**hole and did the right thing by telling his sister the truth.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP’s sister’s boyfriend’s behavior in high school as well as his present behavior was unacceptable, and the OP deserved a better response from his family.
“First off, he was your bully.”
“If they refuse to see how the trauma he inflicted on you can still affect you, that sucks.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Secondly, I can buy a guy with homoerotic feelings picking on someone because they can’t express them.”
“Doesn’t excuse what he did, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell him to get bent.”
“Especially since even if he wasn’t your bully in the past, he’s still your sister’s boyfriend AND making you uncomfortable.”- MagusX5.
“You aren’t over blowing the situation, he was probably vicious to you in HS because he had feelings he wasn’t comfortable with.”
“Now, it sounds like he might be using your sister to get clise to you, which really sucks.”
“Unfortunately, your sister isn’t ready to hear it.”
“There is nothing you can do for her until she is ready.”
“Just try to keep some distance from him.”-SunnyRose57.
“She has been warned but unwilling to listen until she sees it for herself.”- EquivalentAd2790.
“NTA but you need to face that until she sees the light, and she might not, your sister–and your parents– is not a safe person to be around.”
“She’s actively choosing your bully and endorsing both his creep-ness to you and his terrible behavior.”
“If you’re still in that rural town, you need to know that these people do not have your back.”- Sea-Mud5386.
“JFC who is this dude, Nate from Euphoria?”
“But, without evidence, you’re never going to make your family face the music.”
“I recommend enforcing non-negotiable boundaries.”
“‘I’m not socializing with him’, ‘he’s not allowed in my house’, etc., or else he’ll find ways to make your adult life hell too.”
“If you want evidence, secretly record your next encounter.”
“My phone’s voice recorder will work in the background so you can still appear to be scrolling/ignoring him if he decides to spill his guts again.”-SatanicSunflower.
“You were honest and she is in denial.”
“If I were you, I would just go low contact with her and your parents for a bit.”
“Let them see who he really is for themselves.”-Fuzzy-Ad559.
“NTA, you needed to tell her.”
“What she chooses to believe and do with that information is on her.”- Portie_lover.
“But my advise for you about your sister is this:”
“If you don’t care and just want to stay away from him do that.”
“If you care, then get video evidence she can’t say you’re lying at that rate.”
“But I’d just keep my distance if I were you.”
“From what it seems like your sister will just blow up at you.”
“She already shot her messenger once and sent the dogs to finish it off so be cautious and be smart.”-Lolli_gagger.
“You might try a conversation with the guy himself.”
“‘Hey, it’s cool if you’re gay, but there are two things you did wrong’.”
“‘One is hitting on one sibling while dating another’.”
“‘The other is just trying to cheat on your partner, no matter who with’.”
“‘If you want to explore homosexual feelings, break up with my sister before you try hooking up with someone’.”
“‘I can recommend some bars, but I will never be that hookup’.”
“His response will tell you whether he was being honest before, or if it was just an attempt to estrange you from your family.”-MariaInconnu.
“NTA halfway through reading.”
“I knew it was a ‘I used to bully you for being gay to hide the fact that I’m gay’ situation.”
“You’ve done all you can do in this regard, she’s the one who wants to believe what she believes.”
“I could see why she’d be skeptical of it since you’ve had bad history with him, but I still think she should’ve given you the benefit of the doubt because he also has that history of messing with you.”
“And cheating isn’t something to just lie about.”-VillainousHeroine.
“She shouldn’t be dating him in the first place but that’s a different convo.”
“If you were a girl, they would take it seriously but since you’re a guy, they don’t believe you.”
“It sucks but I would just say ‘I know what happened and I was just trying to let you know’.”
“‘If you don’t believe me that’s fine, but it’s probably best we just don’t talk about this anymore because neither of us are budging on our stance and it’s just going in circles’.”
“I guess your sister has chosen to learn that her boyfriend is a cheating creep the hard way.”
“You did the right thing.”-fakezzzfake.
“What is his family like?”
“If he came out how would they handle it?”
“Some people on here are saying you should record him coming onto you, and it’s an option.”
“A good one.”
“I just hope you realize you are not the problem here and your family should have your back.”
“I’m sorry he’s done this to you.”
“But, when you were explaining how he kept your friends away from you in high school, my first thought was he was jealous of them and wanted you.”
“Your family should have your back!”-Plutoplanetismine.
Whoever this man is, he seems to have a knack for torturing the OP’s family, both consciously and not.
Here’s hoping that the OP’s family will eventually listen to him, or his sister may find herself hurt by this man, just as the OP was in high school.