Everyone has their different methods of focusing and getting work done.
Some people are brilliant multitaskers, and truly can’t get distracted by anything, or anyone.
Others need peace and quiet, as even the tiniest thing can set them off.
These sorts of people tend to be less than eager to stop their work to have a conversation.
Redditor Maskot had a colleague at their office who had a very different workstyle than their own.
One day, when the original poster (OP) was on a mission to get their work done, this same colleague was determined for a bit of gossip and conversation.
Something the OP couldn’t have been less interested in, which they made clear to their colleague.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my coworker to message me instead of interrupting me?”
The OP explained why they were in a less than talkative mood with one of their colleagues:
“I (34 M[ale]) work in an open-plan office.”
“It’s noisy, so I wear large, noise-canceling headphones to concentrate.”
“This is very common in my office.”
“My coworker, ‘Jane’ (50s F[emale]), is very social and often comes to my desk to chat about non-work-related things (gossip, her weekend, etc.).”
“She frequently tries to talk to me while I’m clearly ‘plugged in’, forcing me to stop, take my headphones off, and ask her to repeat herself.”
“It shatters my focus.”
“Yesterday, I was on a tight deadline.”
“Jane came over and started talking.”
“I didn’t hear her.”
“She then tapped me hard on the shoulder, making me jump.”
“I took my headphones off, and she looked annoyed.”
“She said, ‘I was trying to ask you something’.”
“This is where I might be the AH.”
“I was stressed and blunt.”
“I said, ‘Jane, when I’m wearing these, it means I’m focusing’.”
“‘If it’s not an urgent work emergency, can you please just send me a message?'”
“She looked really offended, said, ‘Fine, forget it’, and walked off.”
“Later, I heard her complaining to another colleague that I was ‘rude’ and ‘not a team player’.”
“I feel bad for snapping, but I’m also frustrated by the constant interruptions.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was mostly in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for telling Jane not to interrupt them while they had their headphones on.
Nearly everyone agreed that the OP wisely put Jane in her place, as he was trying to focus and get work done, while she was wasting time and trying to gossip.
“NTA – and I am sure the rest of your officemates are glad you were rude because they likely feel the same way.”- ShipComprehensive543
“NTA.”
“She’s a colleague, not your best friend.”
“From what you’ve written, your words were firm but not unacceptable.”
“She might have felt scolded, but you’re at work to do work, and people need boundaries.”-Emergency_Charge_262
“She sees you have your headphones on so obviously you can’t hear her.”
“This is all on her.”
“NTA.”- belaboo84
“I’d tell her sorry for snapping but I’d also tell your boss/HR why you wear the headphones (so she and others won’t distract you from the job) to get ahead of any complaints she may make.”
“NTA.”- nw826
“You’re NTA.”
“She wanted to pester you with her chatter.”
“Since this is a common occurrence, it’s likely her workload is too light or she’s not getting it done.”
“She then tapped me hard on the shoulder, making me jump.”
“I took my headphones off, and she looked annoyed.”
“She put her hands on you and had the nerve to get pissy when you reacted?”
“She’s a pain in the a**.”- Dittoheadforever
“NTA.”
“She knows you are wearing headphones and cannot hear her.”
“She is just shocked someone actually called her out on being a lazy gossip.”
“Just because has got time to kill to stroll around and casually chat about nothing, doesn’t mean others are in the same position.”
“You need to get your work done and she is preventing that.”- Less_Instruction_345
“NTA.”
“I’ve been there.”
“There are things you can get for your desk and the back of your chair to tell people not to disturb you.”
“Stuff like a flag that says ‘If this flag is up, please don’t disturb me’.”
“Open office floor plans are the worst.”- David_R_Martin_II
“NTA.”
“You are behaving is a professional manner.”
“She, on the other hand, treats work like a social club.”- ServelanDarrow
“People unfortunately really can’t handle direct communication.”
“In think your reactions was totally fine and not rude at all.”
“She, on the contrary, is attention seeking and acts inappropriately.”
“NTA.”- Chiquitita888
“NTA.”
“She’s rude if anything and apparently has too much time on her hands interrupting other’s actually working.”– Dazzling_Ad_8691
“NTA.”
“Unless it’s an emergency, there’s no reason for them to interrupt you.”- MJSpice
“NTA.”
“You weren’t rude at all–she was.”- wieldymouse
“NTA needy a**holes at work always go to the ‘not a team player’ complaint.”
“Extroverts are a cult.”- CellistOk5452
“NTA.”
“I suspect it’s people like her who came up with the open-office concept.”
“I don’t mind some friendly chit chat here and there, but my workload doesn’t shrink just because someone is desperate for constant attention.”- paul_rudds_drag_race
“NTA.”
“But this is why people like Wfh.”- NarrativeScorpion
“NTA.”
“Her gossiping is not work related and has nothing to do with being a team player.”
“Keep your headphones and do your work in peace.”- MMM7981
“NTA.”
“Open plan offices have to be the worst thing to happen to office productivity since the invention of gossip.”- MagnifyingGlass
“NTA.”
“I did this recently with our receptionist and the bonus is she isn’t speaking to me at all now!”
“People that aren’t as busy or fulfilled at work seem to have no understanding that others are busy, have deadlines or have a strong work ethic.”
“Hopefully you can enjoy some peace now.”- Exotic_Judgment_4055
“NTA.”
“Setting a boundary, even a blunt one when u r stressed, is necessary when someone constantly ignores the clear signal that u need to concentrate.”- SinfulObey
“NTA.”
“People seriously underestimate how distracting constant interruptions are.”
“You just set a boundary so you can focus.”
“It’s on her that she took it personally.”- Starlet_01
“NTA.”
“I don’t think you were excessively blunt under the circumstances.”
“Disturbing your chain of thought is bad enough if it’s work information, but really shouldn’t be happening for social chitchat.”- SavingsRhubarb8746
“NTA.”
“I worked in space with one other person and it drove me nuts because we operate so differently.”
“An open-office pan would be a deal breaker for me.”- kipsterdude
“Nope.”
“NTA.”
“I hate working with people like that.”- Late-Beat-1457
“NTA.”
“Go ahead and regret snapping, but losing your patience for a moment with an annoying colleague doesn’t make you an a**hole.”
“Open-plan offices are stressful.”
“Noise-canceling headphones are a good idea and ought to send a clear signal that you’re focused and unavailable.”
“I sometimes wear headphones to send that message, even though I might have turned off the ‘phones.”
“It’s OK if Jane leaves this interaction feeling that you’re rude and not someone for her to be bothering with idle chatter.”- ReadMeDrMemory
“NTA.”
“I don’t know if the talkative office people are lonely, bad at their jobs, hate their jobs, lazy, something else, or some combination, but an adult in her fifties should know that jobs are for working.”
“It’s fine to associate and have a it of fun and catch-up, put the lack of awareness and foresight is one of the most frustrating things in the workplace.”- Treeclimber3
“Jane is out of line.”
“I get upset when I’m trying to focus and get interrupted.”
“NTA.”- Quiet-Reflection5366
“NTA.”
“But tell me how we are more productive in the office?”- Aman_Syndai
There were a select few, however, who felt that the OP was unnecessarily hard on Jane.
“YTA.”
“You shouldn’t be ‘snapping’ at work and being mean to your colleagues.”
“Some degree of human interaction is an accepted part of working-from-the-office, so you should learn to accept this too.”- Think-Corner-3232
While some had trouble sympathizing with either the OP or Jane:
“ESH.”
“She’s the AH because the got upset when you said you were busy.”
“You’re the AH because 1) what if she actually had a work related question?”
“2) How was she supposed to know you were in a ‘do not disturb’ type focus?”
“Snapping at her is not great – a simple ‘I’m sorry I’m tied up in a critical task and need to focus, can you come back later?'”
“Tells her your tied up but not rude about it.”
“You can’t say headphones on = critical task, because you’re probably wearing them pretty frequently.”- onenightsection
It’s easy to believe that the OP might not have addressed Jane in the friendliest of tones.
That being said, it’s pretty fresh for Jane to accuse the OP of not being a “team player”.
When the OP was at least trying to do the work he was paid to do, Jane simply wanted to gossip and procrastinate.
At least it seems the OP can safely assume that Jane will no longer be bothering him, whether or not he’s wearing headphones.