It’s not that uncommon for people to disagree with their parents’ social and political views, especially as we grow into adults shaped by the countless things that happened to us along the way.
And while usually those divergences aren’t a huge deal–except maybe at Thanksgiving–they can sometimes become very serious disagreements, if the particular subject and the stakes of the disagreement warrant it.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated that tipping point.
The Original Poster (OP), known as throwawayyy182622837 on the site, led with a cryptic title for the post.
“AITA for uninviting my mother?”
But some early background info quickly set the stage for some family tensions.
“Me [32-year-old male], my fiancée [34-year-old female] and my sister [16-year-old female] are living together.”
“My sister came out as trans at 14, and has been given a hard time for it from our parents.”
“Our parents’ house has been damaged (floods in Germany) and it turns out that they cannot move back in due to the mass amount of mold.”
“Me and my fiancée have only got space for one extra person, and we decided it would be better for my sister to move in.”
The close-quarters living eventually led to a blowup.
“Well, during her stay, my mother decided to disown her for being trans.”
“I sat down with my fiancée that night and had a long chat- we ended up adopting my sister and I haven’t seen her smile like that in years.”
But then OP shared a twist.
“Turns out, our father had been more supportive quietly, making it possible for my sister to start Estrogen (none of us are quite sure how, but he works in the medical field so maybe he pulled some strings).”
“We continued the treatment and she feels far more comfortable in her body.”
An upcoming event presented an added stress on the dynamics.
“Well, me and my fiancée are getting married in a week, and my mother came over to visit us.”
“She flipped when she saw my sister looking more feminine than she remembers, and demanded that she be ‘the boy she used to be’ at the wedding. Tuxedo and the likes.”
“My fiancée went nuts. Screamed at her for invalidating my sister, for trying to control someone who isn’t even him her custody, for trying to control the wedding.”
“I joined in, and it turned into a shouting match.”
But OP’s sister was sufficiently spooked by the outburst.
“My sister quietly said that she can ‘be the boy she used to’ for one day, which is when I turned to her and said that she can dress however she likes because ‘that witch’ isn’t going to come to the wedding.”
“Mum left and I apologized to my sister for raising my voice like that, for I felt that she was very uncomfortable.”
For all the confidence in the moment, OP has wavered since then.
“I have been bombarded with messages from my maternal family about I inviting her and ‘feeding into her son’s delusion’.”
“It’s been getting a bit too much for me and I’m starting to lose sleep- should I have been kinder? AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors staunchly supported OP, his sister, and his fiancée. They even advised he go one step further.
“NTA it’s great your sister has you and your fiancee to support her. If I were you I’d rescind an invitation to the wedding and cut off anyone who sent you a nasty message about your sister.” — BellaDonnaBoudreaux
“NTA. You’re an awesome brother for totally accepting your sister as the person she knows herself to be.”
“As for your wedding, invite or disinvite whomever you want, it’s your wedding. Your mother is going to be nothing but trouble if she attends.”
“Just keep being you. You’re doing a great job.” — KTB1962
“NTA. That woman disowned her own child, for what her own family calls it a ‘desilusion’. She is no mother to anyone of you, she doesn’t deserve it.” — Dante-Wolf
Plenty showered OP with thank you’s and congratulations.
“Hey from a lgbt person, your fiancée being so angry, so defensive & protective of your sister made me cry.”
“You both seem like incredibly wonderful people, awesome allies, and I wish you a happy life together. NTA x 10000.” — angelnursery
“NTA, and ‘witch’ is a far nicer word than I’d use for your egg donor.”
“Thank you for taking in your sister and making sure she’s comfortable and happy, and has support for who she is, and not who someone else wants her to be.” — The_Bookish_One
“NTA. You are a wonderful big brother, and your little sister is so fortunate to have you and your fiancée in her corner.”
“It seems to me that the horrible mold problem is also in your mother’s attitude.” — Hyperf0cused
And as if that wasn’t enough to fire up Redditors, OP shared multiple updates with further, head-scratching developments.
“UPDATE: me, my fiancée and my sister have somehow been formally uninvited by my maternal family… from the meal before the wedding… which was to be hosted by us… we are currently bent double laughing.”
“Thank you for the kind judgement! We’re replanning who’s getting invited. (Some of the descriptions of the family members are just amazing, I’ll nick those next time I have a confrontation with any of them)”
Yes, there was more.
“UPDATE2: all maternal family members are officially uninvited! Quite a few of my cousins use Reddit, so if you see this, hi! Your aunt sucks and the story she’s telling you is a lie :)”
“UPDATE3: had the pleasure of waking up to walls of text messages (mainly threats) from my maternal family, and after reading your comments, we’ve decided to hire security.”
“Thank you so much for all the kindness and support, I’ve shown my sister the comments and she is very appreciative! Wedding is on Wednesday, I’ll update on the situation if I can :)”
OP even followed up after the big day.
“FINAL UPDATE: wedding went off without a hitch in the morning! After party also went without disruptions, and my sister was exceptionally comfortable in her dress!”
“Wife and I both appreciate the security tips, thank you all once again!”
With this partnership locked into place, it looks like OP’s sister has a pair of people she can count on for years and years.