When planning a private event, the first thing a person usually checks out is the venue.
Will it comfortably accommodate a certain number of people?
What menus do they offer?
Is there enough privacy?
Can security keep out unwelcome guests?
That last one is imperative.
Redditor Silly-Dragonfly-9390 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for kicking out a family that gatecrashed a private party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I booked a soft play for my son’s birthday party.”
“It has both public sessions and private sessions.”
“I obviously booked one of the private sessions and didn’t interfere with the usual times it’s available ‘to the public.'”
“When I opened the buffet, a woman I didn’t know approached me, asking if her children could have some.”
“I explained I had booked the venue for a private party, she said, ‘that doesn’t matter, my children want some food.'”
“I replied no because the food was for the party.”
“She walked away, telling her children to just wait until I had left the food area.”
“Realizing she wasn’t taking my answer, I asked the staff to speak to her.”
“They did, explaining it was a private event and they needed to leave.”
“She shouted that she and her children were not leaving and that I should be told to allow the children to have the food.”
“I went back over, said again it was a private event, and she shouted ‘what is a sandwich?!’ repeatedly at me, until I shouted back that she needed to leave.”
“She did eventually leave, ‘flicking the Vs’ at me as she walked out the door.”
“The soft play wasn’t at capacity, and in truth, there probably was enough for them to have some of the buffet, but the way she approached me with the assumption I’d say yes, and then blatantly planning to disregard my answer, made me stand my ground.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA for kicking out the gatecrashers?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Just a guess, but she probably would have complained that her kids’ picky eating or food allergies weren’t being accommodated.”
“You did the right thing. NTA.” ~ Go-Mellistic
“Watch her pretend her kid has an allergic reaction so she can sue the place.”
“She’s not entitled to anything.” ~ Str4ng3-L0v3
“This. I work in a hotel, and it’s something of a rite of passage for new employees to learn why we don’t let strangers into the breakfast room.”
“Very often a beggar will try to take much more than a reasonable amount, and once they’re allowed in, it can become very difficult to stop them without having the situation escalate.” ~ FoldedDice
“Yeah, maybe don’t sink to their level and shout.”
“But that lady can shove her entitlement.”
“Sure, ‘what’s a sandwich?’”
“But how does she know if you only had enough for those attending?”
“Also, shame on the establishment that you had to handle it at all.”
“They should have immediately intervened.” ~ Ambitious-Effect6429
“NTA, no clue what a soft play is, but I’m assuming some kind of kid playground thing.”
“You booked yourself a space and brought/paid for food for your invited guests.”
“This would be the same as somebody demanding entry into your home because they could smell your dinner from the street.” ~ AvgHeight510
“Erm. Obviously NTA.”
“You are not entitled to things you didn’t pay for?”
“What other possible answer is there?” ~ mtmp40k
“NTA. This lady sounds like an entitled mooch and is teaching her kids that the world owes them.”
“You are totally in the right.” ~ GBOC80
“NTA. It’s a private party.”
“I just had my daughter’s birthday party in a private area I reserved.”
“I saw some kids around and I offered dessert and treats to them.”
“Their parents were super gracious.”
“There’s a difference between some kids being there and offering versus a parent straight up demanding.” ~ Weird-Cauliflower360
“NTA, I try not to reward people’s bad behavior.”
“Especially at the cost of myself.”
“If they had stayed, there was a good likelihood it wouldn’t have stopped at wanting just a sandwich.”
“Then you’re in the thick of it, and it’s a lot harder to remove them.”
“Don’t let problems snowball.” ~ Sneaky_Clepshydra
“NTA. My instinct is that this is the kind of person who would bully you into letting the kids have food, then sue you when one of them had an allergic reaction.” ~ johjo_has_opinions
“NTA, but also I’ve never been to a soft play that didn’t have some sort of receptionist system when you pay before entering, or, for a private party, they check the names on a list.”
“The staff really should have caught them before they came inside.” ~ snickerdoodleglee
“NTA, it doesn’t matter if there was enough or not, you booked it for your kids’ party and that means it’s only for people you invited, not just whoever happens to wander by and decide they want to play/food.” ~ NameCareful9547
“NTA – anyone who can afford to pay for their kids to attend a place like that can afford to buy them lunch. It’s not like this was a food insecurity issue.”
“You did well by not caving to her entitlement.”
“When people give in to demands like that, it only emboldens the entitled to do it again.”
“Also, it was pretty dumb of her to tell the kids to wait till you’d moved on to get some food within your earshot.”
“If she truly wanted to sneak them food, she could’ve been less obvious and maybe gotten away with it.” ~ Careful-Use-4913
“NTA – Never give in to entitled people.”
“The sheer audacity is mind-boggling.”
“You paid for a private event?”
“Of course, my kids are entitled to eat your food for free!”
“I’m glad that type of attitude doesn’t make sense to me.”
“If it ever does, it will mean I’ve become one of them.” ~ CheshyreCat46
“NTA. Screaming might have been overboard; you should have left it to the staff or security to physically remove her.”
“But in no alternate universe was telling her that this was a private party and that she had her children could not have food and needed to leave inappropriate.”
“She was clearly entitled and crossed a line.” ~ No-Assignment5538
OP came back to clarify some things and give an update.
“OK, so first of all, I did not expect this to literally blow up the way it has… I thought a couple of people would say yes or no, and that would be it 😅.”
“Apologies for the long edit, but there have been a few ‘themes’ within comments, so I’ll try to address them.”
“A soft play is a massive indoor climbing frame covered in padding and safety nets, with slides and ball pits, etc.”
I think some may call it a ‘jungle gym,’ but I’m not sure that is a direct comparison.”
“‘Flicking the Vs’ is a peace sign, but showing the back of your hand.”
“About the same level of rudeness as giving the middle finger in the UK.”
“The venue shares a desk with an adjoining sports hall, which wasn’t running open sessions as it was hosting a game.”
“Past the desk is the exit, (it’s one door in, one door out thing), door 1 to the soft play, door 2 to the sports hall.”
“I found out later she had come to use the sports hall and was told about the game.”
‘Staff thought she went out the exit.”
“I’ve spoken to the venue about her being able to get in, and they apologized and are changing how they operate the private sessions.”
“Despite this happening, I think the place has appropriate security measures.”
“I think she took advantage of the staff being busy letting in spectators to the sports hall and tried her luck.”
“As we have an invite for a party here in a few weeks, I’ll know if they do and can raise it again if needed, but hopefully won’t need to.”
“I went back over when the staff member was talking to her because I felt bad that I put a young girl in the firing line.”
“This woman was just shouting that she wasn’t leaving, and I also hadn’t spotted them come in, but I should have let her/her manager sort it.”
“This is in the UK.”
“This wasn’t a food stamps have been taken and ‘chance a free meal or starve tonight’ situation.”
“When she eventually left, she brought snacks out of the overpriced vending machine.”
“That obviously doesn’t tell any of us her full story, but the venue has like 10 places with a few minutes walk where much more affordable snacks and food choices are.”
“Some people asked about the kids’ ages.”
“The top age of an invited child was 5.”
“Her two kids were 8/9 and 9/10.”
“I replied to a couple of comments that I would have told her the kids could have some after all the guests had eaten, if it had been a question and not a demand.”
“I am responsible for my actions, but they were influenced by hers, and I am glad I stood my ground and wasn’t bullied at my own event, although not proud that I did shout at the end.”
“Again, I didn’t expect this would get so much attention, but to those who were polite and asked questions, thank you.”
“To anyone who asked ‘why are you even asking?’ or similar, I was asking to gauge if I was unreasonable for standing my ground because of her actions/reactions.
Reddit believes you, OP.
And they support you.
You had every right to stand up for your event.
This woman was manipulative and out of line.
Hopefully it didn’t sour the celebration too much.