As lovely as it is to imagine all couples and their preexisting families coming together without a hitch, not all families blend together seamlessly and meaningfully.
When a parent doesn’t prepare their children for entering a new family dynamic when they’re preparing to get married, and doesn’t teach them about respect, there’s bound to be trouble, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Proud-Cantaloupe3449 had a very strained relationship with her two teen stepdaughters, who regularly pranked her and treated her poorly.
When they gave her a wig for her birthday to make fun of her thinning hair, and her husband accused her of taking the problem out on him, the Original Poster (OP) needed space from all three of them and wasn’t sure what to do next.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for needing space and angering my husband after my stepdaughters pranked me on my birthday?”
The OP struggled to live with her stepdaughters’ pranks.
“My stepdaughters (16 and 14) love doing pranks, especially on me.”
“My problem with their pranks is that they are hurtful in that they either mock or offend.”
“For the past four years, I have been trying to suck it up and let it go, but it has escalated.”
The breaking point came on the OP’s birthday.
“They got me a wig for my birthday.”
“They were basically mocking me for my thinning hair, which is a symptom of a medical condition that I’ve been suffering from.”
“Their dad would make them apologize, and would even punish them, but to no avail.”
“This time, I asked for space, and he argued that I was punishing him for it. He went on about how he’s the victim and how he’s stuck in the middle between me and the girls.”
“Now he’s threatening to take the girls’ phones away if I stay with my sister, and the girls will further resent me for it.”
You can read their text message exchanges here:
The OP (blue) already seemed to feel hopeless at the start of the conversation:
“They’ll [the teen daughters] probably do the same thing next year.”
The OP’s husband (gray) deflected:
“I apologize on behalf of the girls.”
“I’m so sorry, hun, but I’m sure they meant well.”
“And you kind of overreacted, to be honest.”
“Where are you now?”
The OP stood up for herself:
“They embarrassed the heck out of me in front of my family on my birthday.”
“How am I overreacting?”
The OP’s husband didn’t see the issue:
“Come on, it’s just a wig! [You] should’ve just laughed [it] off and I [could have] dealt with them later.”
“Please don’t take it out on me. I promise I did not put them up to this.”
The OP shared her concerns:
“My only issue with you is your enabling them to continue to abuse me over and over again.”
“Imagine my daughter pulling this s**t on you. How would you react?”
The OP’s husband deflected:
“I would most definitely NOT react the way you did. [You] should have had some respect for your folks, for Chr**t’s sake.”
“They’re just kids, for crying out loud!”
“They’ll grow out of it. Just give it some time.”
But the OP didn’t want to give it more time.
“I’m sorry I don’t have the mental capacity to put up with this nonsense.”
“Don’t blame me for wanting some space.”
The OP’s husband shrugged her off:
“Here we go again!”
“And space from who? The girls or me?”
The OP stood firm in her decision:
“All of you.”
The OP’s husband pushed back:
“I believe we’ve already talked about how you shouldn’t punish me for any stupid s**t the girls do.”
“And I never absolve them of consequences. I step up and punish them every single time, but you can’t be punishing me by asking for space and basically ghost me when I’d done absolutely nothing wrong.”
The OP questioned:
“How exactly am I punishing you?”
The OP’s husband deflected:
“You know exactly what I mean.”
“I’m not even going nto mention the other petty s**t you continue to do, even after I make the girls apologize.”
The OP pointed out:
“Punishing the girls has done little to nothing to change the situation, and you know it.”
The OP’s husband pushed back:
“You’d be mad as h**l if I don’t punish them, so…”
The OP set a boundary.
“No, I don’t want that! I just want you to speak to them.”
“Make them understand how damaging their behavior is.”
“And I’ve made that perfectly clear.”
The OP’s husband acted lost:
“They never listen!”
“Fine, I’ll just send them over to their mom’s if that makes you feel better… after they apologize, of course!”
That wasn’t what the OP wanted.
“You’re completely failing to see the point here, and this is the root of the problem.”
“I’m sorry, I still want some space.”
“I’m going to be staying with [my sister] for a couple of days.”
“Please understand that I’m not trying to punish you because of what happened.”
The OP’s husband threatened:
“No, just come home. We’ll figure it out.”
“If you don’t, I’ll take their phones for as long as you’re gone, but they’ll resent you for it, and things will get worse.”
The OP’s husband lashed out:
“For the life of me, I can’t understand what it is you want me to do right now!”
“I can stay out of it and let you work it out with the girls, but I know you won’t, because you’d rather take it out on me and ghost me for days.”
“If [your daughter] ever did something stupid to me, my problem would be with her and not you.”
“Or at least I’d let you handle her without acting like it’s your fault and then ghost you and say I need space.”
“This feels like an endless cycle, and I’m so tired of having to be stuck in the middle like that.”
“My question is, did I overreact? Should I just let it go instead of escalating?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some pointed out that the “birthday gift” was a bullying tactic, not a prank.
“Not a funny prank at all. Sometimes teens don’t understand what is funny and what is hurtful, sure, but it is their father’s job to explain that to them.”
“Simply punishing them without explaining that this was not a joke, you don’t make fun of people’s sensitivities, will not do anything.”
“Saying, ‘they won’t listen to me,’ sounds like a HIM problem. This is a valuable life lesson for them, and he is failing in his responsibilities as a father. He’s raising little bullies. And bullying a member of your family is unacceptable.” – Realitygirlie
“There is a difference between a dark sense of humor and bullying. Any sense of humor can cross the line and become bullying.” – pepper_tuna
“I suspect your husband also has this ‘dark sense of humor,’ wherein the punchline is just being an asshole.”
“I really don’t trust anyone who uses that phrase anymore. It was once the way a comedian would make light of their own situation or punch up, but now people just use that phrase to mean, ‘being an a**hole is my style of humor.'”
“That’s not humor; it’s just being an a**hole.” – corinnigan
“They don’t have a dark sense of humor; they just have NO empathy or respect for you. I can’t imagine why with a father like that (sarcastic comment).”
“I’m sorry to say, OP, but you’ve married a s**tty husband, and he’s raising s**tty kids. Bet they wouldn’t like it if you got them a gift highlighting one of their insecurities, would they?” – perpetuallyxhausted
“This isn’t dark humor. This was tactful humiliation; they had to plan buying this wig and have you open the gift in front of your family. Please treat it as such.” – Temporary_Koala9958
Others’ red flag sensors were bristling over the husband’s deflections and threats.
“The ‘if you don’t do this, I’ll do that to make the girls resent you,’ is some full mask-off s**t. Don’t know how someone types that out without thinking, ‘huh, I’m obviously being kind of an a**hole here…'”
“I’m so sorry that you are married to this person. Good luck with the paperwork. (NOR but will be under-reacting if you continue to allow this to happen.)” – stumblef**k69
“‘I dOn’T KnoW wHAt you wAnT mE tO dO!’ Like, discipline your kids, bro. Discipline, as in disciple, as in TEACH THEM.”
“Removing privileges can be a consequence of their behavior, sure, but it can’t be the only thing you do. Otherwise, you’re just teaching them not to bully by… bullying them? NOR.” – SamiGod1026
“Huh, what? He’s threatening to take their phones away to punish them, but at the same time, phrasing it like he’s going to do it to punish you. ‘I’ll do a punishment if you don’t come home, and the girls will resent you for it.’ I… do not think highly of this man.” – SnurrCat
“He is pretending to have no idea what his wife wants or needs from him as far as support, but he clearly understands how to weaponize his daughters’ feelings against her. I suspect he may be a big part of the reason his daughters continue to act out against OP.” – blancmystiere
“Her husband is a certifiable AH, just like his teenage girls who ‘don’t know any better.’ Oh, they know. and they also know that dad punishes them because he ‘has to or stepmom will get mad at me’ or some bulls**t like that.”
“HE is THE problem, in my opinion. If my son did anything remotely close to that to my partner, he’d never hear the end of it and sure as hell would never pull a ‘prank’ like that again. Prank, my a**, this is targeted bullying endorsed and defended by AH dad/husband.” – DasSassyPantzen
Some urged the OP to respect the boundaries she had set.
“Boundaries aren’t just for others to respect… you have to respect the boundary that you made.”
“‘It’s no use’ means he won’t respect your boundary… Now you have to decide if YOU are gonna respect your own boundary, even if he has already decided he won’t.”
“You deserve better, OP!!” – jazzoraptor
“You set a boundary, and at the end of the day, it’s meaningless if YOU don’t enforce it. Why would anyone else care if you don’t? Please take your own boundaries seriously.” – PassionFruitJam
“I think there’s another level here, which is that the step-daughters WANT to cause problems between the dad and OP. So they’re getting what they want here, even if he does punish them.”
“He needs to sit them down and really make them understand that OP is not going anywhere, and at 14 and 16, they’re on the clock to be gone way before she’s gone. Then he needs to FOLLOW THROUGH.”
“It also has to be UNDERSTOOD that this is coming from him and not her.”
“I would probably even go so far as to manipulate them with some good cop, bad cop, where OP is the good guy. Take the f**king phones and everything else and have her be seen getting them back for them.” – nicenormalhappyguy
“If it were me, I would have purposefully broken out in tears and looked at the girls, asking why they would do that to you when they know about your problem.”
“Nothing is better than getting them to stop when they get humiliated by everyone now looking at them with disgust.”
“That, or look at them, and ask what’s the joke because you don’t find this funny at all, and that they should explain it to you in front of everyone.”
‘It’s actually such a good trick. When someone says something out of hand, I’ll bait them into repeating themselves, and you can instantly tell when they realise how stupid what they said was.” – No_Hurry9076
“Don’t make a scene. Make a MOVIE.”
“You’re not overreacting. You’re WAY underreacting.”
“This is horrific behavior that would be grounds for ending a relationship.”
“If he can’t/won’t manage his daughters and their bullying, is your plan to just suffer through it forever?”
“That sounds like you don’t like yourself. And you should.” – FourMountainLions
The subReddit could not stop side-eyeing the OP’s husband for how he was parenting his teen daughters and blaming the OP for it.
Clearly, if he had raised them better, taught them about pranking and bullying, and better prepared them for entering a new family when he got married, then the OP would have gotten something much more thoughtful and kind than a wig for her birthday.