Wedding gowns are a multi-billion dollar industry, raking in $44.2 billion globally in 2022. But once the big day is over, what happens to the dress?
Some brides resell their gown, others donate them, while some choose to keep them for future use by themselves or a future child. In some families, an heirloom gown may get used by multiple family members including siblings and cousins.
But not everyone is comfortable sharing their gown with just anyone.
A former bride turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback about lending out her wedding gown.
Sad-Pomegranate3183 asked:
“AITA for not letting my step-sister borrow my wedding dress?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Me, (23, female), got married to my husband about a year ago. It was wonderful and probably the happiest day of my life.”
“My family was involved with everything and I was delighted by it. Including my stepfather, who at first I had a somewhat rocky relationship with, but I grew to appreciate him.”
“His daughter (26, female) is an entire different story. We can’t get along.”
“I’ve tried and I’m sure she also has, but it’s not about being different, it’s because she has always had very similar taste as me. We used to fight about our clothes, our toys and so on.”
“She has a relationship with a man whom I’ve got to know maybe 3 or 4 times. She announced her relationship with him during my wedding (which annoyed me at first, but I let it go since it was only a 20 second PSA), and became engaged just 4 months after that.”
“Now, she has been planning her wedding and I’ve tried to help as much as I can since I already had most contacts fresh. She plans to marry a day after Christmas, so I thought everything was set and ready to go.”
“On Saturday, she calls me crying, saying that her wedding dress wouldn’t arrive on time since she had some changes done. For some context, no one knows how this dress looks because she wanted to ‘keep it a surprise for everyone’, per her own words.”
“I tried to comfort her and I told her I knew some cute boutiques who had nice wedding dresses ready for her date. She cries harder, telling me she didn’t want any ‘cheap’ dress.”
“I tried to calm her down once more before telling her I would call my stepdad to see what we could do. Before I could finish that sentence, she says out of the blue, ‘Can I wear your dress?’.”
“I didn’t respond, because I didn’t know how to. She goes on, explaining that it would make things less troubling, how she’s the same size as me and how much she loved it the second she saw it on me.”
“I don’t know what possessed me to simply say ‘No.’ and hang up the phone. I’ve received multiple calls from her, her fiancé and my stepdad, who I did respond to.”
“He pleaded to me to let her ‘borrow’ my wedding dress, ‘just like when we were kids’. I tried to explain to him that my wedding dress was very special to me, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting anyone else in it, unless it was my decision.”
“He got super angry with me and hung up. My messages have been exploding with my stepsister, her soon-to-be husband and my stepdad telling me how horrible I am for being so selfish.”
“I know how my stepsister is. I know how dramatic and over the top she can be when she doesn’t get her way.”
“But there’s a part of me that feels awful for not letting her wear it since it’s just a dress and it would make her so happy.
“But there’s that other part of me that remembers how my husband, my mom and I struggled to save for it because it was my dream dress, and I don’t want to share something so personal with her.”
“Should I just let her have it just so things don’t escalate?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I’m not letting my stepsis borrow my wedding dress, since hers couldn’t arrive on time.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA, I’m calling shenanigans on your stepsister’s part. She probably had her eye on your dress since day one, probably commissioned a similar dress (if she even did) hence the surprise, and planned to use your dress as a backup if hers didn’t show up in time.” ~ OtherRepresentative2
“I don’t think she bought a dress, she planned to wear OP’s from the start.” ~ PsychoSemantics
“Right‽‽ ‘Oh no, how inconvenient that the dress no one has seen won’t arrive in time… but my sister’s dress is PERFECT!’.” ~ Lurkin_4_the_wknd
“Yeah she did the ‘no one can see it’ for this exact reason. She isn’t looking to borrow the dress, she is wanting OP to give it to her.”
“No one has seen it, so she can claim it as hers and everyone will cast OP as the bad guy when she tries to get it back.” ~ Environmental_Art591
“Yeah the stepsister never ordered a dress or at most tried and then saw the price.”
“Also I can 100,000% guarantee that after the wedding she will say, ‘Oh, the dress looked so good on me, and I have so many memories and photos in it’ and then refuse to give it back.”
“Just like most of the stories on Reddit about people demanding expensive jewelry for their wedding and then refusing to give it back.” ~ IDDQD_IDKFA-com
“And even if OP isn’t knowingly ‘giving’ it to her (stepsister is only borrowing it), she’s never going to get that dress back. It will be far too sentimental to step to give it up.”
“She got married in it! It was her super special all-about-her day! She can’t possibly be expected to part with it!”
“OP should probably just block them all for the foreseeable future. On the upside, Christmas will probably be nice, quiet and drama-free without them.” ~ Ich_bin_keine_Banane
“I fully agree. There was never another dress. She waited until close to the wedding so she could try to pressure/guilt OP into handing over the dress.” ~ bouncy_bouncy_seal
“She likely will alter the dress or cut it up in some way to fit her taste and style, therefore, ruining OP’s dress forever.”
“Also, she probably won’t give it back to OP because it’s now a ‘special part of her wedding’.”
“Aaaaaand, things can get really rowdy at wedding receptions, and accidents do happen, such as spilled food and wine, and the dress can get ripped.”
“OP, stick to your guns. That dress is yours and yours alone, do not let her borrow it.”
“As a matter of fact, hide the dress somewhere else out of your house until after the wedding. Stepsis just might try and steal it. NTA at all.” ~ SnorkinOrkin
“NTA, OP. Point blank, you are not required to loan, donate, or permit any of your possessions to be used. Ever.”
“Realistically, a decent probability exists that the dress would not be in the same condition it is now if you let her wear it: stains, tears, sweat, it is all a part of life. But if you want to hold onto this dress as a keepsake or pass it down to future children, that is something to factor in.”
“Your stepsister absolutely could find another alternative. She doesn’t want to. She wants what was yours.”
“It sounds like this is a behavioural trend/pattern of hers. You are not wrong to draw and hold a line. Please don’t let anyone guilt you into giving it up.” ~ Dramatic_Attempt4318
“NTA. She didn’t order a dress; she planned to wear yours from the outset.”
“She and your stepdad and anyone else hounding you can take a flying leap.”
“Make sure your dress is secured.” ~ Clean_Factor9673
“NTA. Maybe if it were ten years after your wedding, you might not have such strong sentimental attachment to the dress. But it’s too soon.”
“It’s totally fine to not want to see someone else in it, especially someone you’ve had a rocky relationship with. It just feels icky, like, I don’t know, lending her your bed for the wedding night.”
“Be as calm as possible, helpful if you feel inclined to be, but stick to your guns. ‘I’m sorry, but my wedding dress is too personal to share’.”
“It’s not your fault your stepsister has mangled her planning, but it’s not the end of the world for her, either.”
“Just ride this out as serenely as you can, and say, ‘No’.” ~ TheRealSugarbat
The OP provided an initial update with her plans.
“I’ll go see her now. We agreed to meet at a coffee place. I’ll update when I get home.”
The OP shared what happened.
“Well. That happened. I arrived at said coffee shop just in time. She took half an hour to get there.”
“I talked as gently as I could with her, explaining how I didn’t want her to wear my wedding dress and why, since it was so emotionally attached to me. She went absolutely nuts.”
“She called me a selfish cow, telling me how I’m the most horrible human ever. I tried to calm things down, until I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
“I knew this was a possibility, so as soon as she started crying, I pulled out her wedding invitation and gave it back to her. I told her I wouldn’t be attending the wedding, but I hoped it all went perfectly.”
“Her voice couldn’t get louder at this point. She threatened to come to my house and take it from me.”
“I simply left the coffee shop without saying another word, and now I’m home.”
This is a relationship created by a marriage between the OP’s mother and her stepsister’s father.
But it may not be one that will—or should—continue after the upcoming wedding.