Our possessions are ours, and ours alone.
As a result, should we not want anyone else to use or touch them, we are under no obligation to do so. That being said, most people are more than happy to let others borrow or use some of our possessions.
Even if this sometimes runs the risk of people getting a little too comfortable.
Redditor spiteful_frog brought a home appliance of hers to her office.
For the majority of her time working there, the original poster (OP) was the only one who used this device.
Until another colleague, with whom the OP got on with less than swimmingly, began using it as well.
Leaving the OP to wonder what to do with this device now that her time at this particular office was drawing to a close.
Unable to come up with a decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA: Taking my coffee maker with me when I leave my current job?”
The OP shared their predicament regarding a possession they brought to work:
“I’m getting ready to wrap up my 5-year PhD in STEM, and I’m moving on to bigger and better things in the world of medical research.”
“Something you need to know about STEM folks is that we tend to be caffeine addicts.”
“Coffee, tea, energy drinks, the works.”
“However, for about the first 3 years of my program, I was the only coffee drinker on my team.”
“Everyone else drank tea or soda.”
“I’m a coffee addict, so I own 2-3 coffee makers at any given time (I keep crappy ones from thrift shops on standby in case my nice one gives out).”
“I brought one said crappy coffee maker to my work so I’d have access to fresh coffee.”
“For 3 years, I was the only one to use it.”
“In year 4, enter a new postdoctoral associate.”
“Let’s call her Anne.”
“Anne is…a nice person.”
“Friendly.”
“The kind of person you’d take your lunch breaks with or chat with at a company outing.”
“But she’s difficult to work with.”
“I don’t know if it’s because she has her PhD and I don’t yet, or if it’s because she’s 10 years older than me, but her superiority complex got to me quickly.”
“She’s always right, and my input is irrelevant (even though I’m more experienced in our field).”
“She sees the good in everyone, which is great except that she never believes me or any of our colleagues when we say another employee has been rude or negligent in their work.”
“And she’s very distracting, always wanting to make small talk and refusing to listen when I say I’m too busy to chat.”
“She will literally insert herself into my personal space, hovering around my desk until I agree to chat with her about usually total nonsense (for example, one time she wanted to have a whole conversation about dishwashers…).”
“It’s gotten bad enough that I’ve primarily moved to a remote/hybrid work setting just to get things done.”
“Anne is also a coffee addict.”
“For the first time in over 4 years, my crappy little coffee maker had a second user.”
“And I was happy to share the machine.”
“Now, she uses it every day, sometimes more than once per day.”
“She’s admitted that she’s stopped making coffee at her home because she knows she can make it at work.”
“I am her source of caffeine.”
“Except now I’m graduating.”
“I’m leaving for good.”
“Thus begs the question: would I be the a**hole if I took my coffee maker with me?”
“On one hand, I’m a nice person, and I know Anne will get lots of use out of the machine.”
“I also own a nice coffee maker don’t technically NEED the crappy little machine, and won’t need to bring my own coffee maker to my new job because they provide free coffee to employees.”
“On the other hand, Anne hasn’t exactly been a great coworker.”
“She’s made it hard for me to feel productive and intelligent in my position, and I’m petty.”
“So, would I be the a**hole?
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole if she takes her coffee maker with her.
Some felt that as the coffee maker was the OP’s, she could and should do exactly with it as she pleases, even if some felt that Anne at least deserved a heads up:
“YWNBTA , the end, no need to second-guess yourself.”
“But if I may suggest a more diplomatic approach, leave the coffee maker, make it a gift to the department, joke about Anne being the new guardian.”
“AFAIK, the doctoral world is a small bubble, and you never know when you will need a good word from someone.”- blinddread
“NTA.”
“As it’s obviously your machine.”
“But…why do you care?”
“You have nicer coffee makers and don’t need this scrappy one.”
“It sounds like it’s more trouble to take it and store it and possibly dispose of it.”
“Why not let it live out its life being used instead of rotting in a landfill or collecting dust in your house?”- Dangerous_Prize_4545
“NTA.”
“As long as you give a heads up.”
“It’s your property, you have every right to take it when you go.”
“It would be polite to give a heads up and reminder like ‘Hey, just thought I’d give you a heads up, I’m not sure if you know that I’ll be graduating in x amount of days, but I will, and I’m going to be taking my coffee maker with me.”
“I just wanted to give you a heads up so you can adjust your routine accordingly.”
“She’s probably not going to like it bc it’s going to inconvenience her, but that’s not your problem to worry over.”- Loud-Rhubarb-1561
“YWNBTA, but also, why do this?”
“You’ve left this coffee maker there for apparently 4 years, and it was already second-hand.”
“So you’re going to take home a 5+ year old coffee maker that you don’t even need just to spite someone?”
“What’s even worse, is no one will know this is your motive and will just think you’re being cheap.”- Ok-Calligrapher1345
“NTA.”
“It’s your machine.”
“Feel free to take it.”
“Just give her a heads up so she can replace it in advance.”
“Surely this is equipment your department should have paid for in the first place (what workplace doesn’t have a coffee maker?), but if they are weird, she can bring in her own, just like you did.”-RHND2020
Others, however, felt that while the OP could take it with her, as it rightfully belonged to her, since she had better coffee makers at home and was able to leave it behind, as she said, then she might want to consider leaving it behind, and that taking it only so Anne wouldn’t use it was petty and immature:
“On principle, it’s your coffeemaker.”
“You would not be an AH to take it when you leave.”
“HOWEVER, if it’s just going to sit at home and be literally unused as a 3rd backup coffeemaker, and simply take up space in your home for no reason, then you’re literally just hoarding/cluttering up your home.”
“If I were you, I would just consider it a donation that helps out her AND any future coffee drinkers there (which is an extra positive note to leave on) AND doesn’t become unused junk in your house.”
“The pros/cons seem heavily in favor of just leaving the coffeemaker (which was probably something like $50 or less, right?).”
“NAH.”- Just4notherR3ddit0r
“You added a lot of unnecessary information in this post.”
“Do you want to keep your old coffee maker?”
“If yes, take it as a backup.”
“Do you not care about it?”
“Leave it.”
“Maybe ask your coworker if they’d like to buy it for a small amount (or not, I probably wouldn’t).”
“Basically, she doesn’t seem like a monster, but it is your coffeemaker, so if you want to keep it, keep it.”
“NAH.”- lakas76
“LOL.”
“This is the most petty thing I have seen in awhile.”
“NAH but you should leave the machine anyway- you don’t need it and you won’t use it, so what is it going to do for you?”- pieralella
The OP later returned with an update, sharing what she eventually decided to do with the coffee maker:
“I’ve decided to leave it.”
“Being petty is swell and all but people are right that I don’t need this machine and you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.”
“Additionally, I find it funny how many people assume I’m a sexist man, when in fact I’m just an irritated woman.”
The OP wouldn’t have done anything wrong had she decided to take the coffee maker with her, as it was hers to begin with.
However, seeing as she didn’t need it, leaving it behind was probably a wise decision, allowing her to leave the company on a high note.
Burning bridges with anyone often results in nothing but getting stuck.