No matter their relationship, there is bound to be a fair amount of trepidation when a child’s parent remarries.
As there will be a concern that the status quo they may have gotten used to will be disrupted, or that their new stepparent might try to replace their mother or father.
Of course, the new stepparent might be equally ill at ease, concerned as to whether or not their new stepchild will welcome them into the family.
Or, should they have children of their own, if they will get along with their new stepsiblings.
Redditor Few_System_3289 was less than thrilled that his widowed father was soon to remarry.
Not helping matters, the original poster (OP)’s future stepmother had very specific plans for him at their upcoming wedding.
Plans the OP wanted no part of, whatsoever.
Having doubts about his behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to babysit my dad’s fiancée’s kids during their wedding?”
The OP explained why he wasn’t looking remotely forward to his father’s upcoming wedding:
“My dad and his fiancée Kirsten (both late 30s) are getting married in January.”
“Kirsten has three kids under 8.”
“Dad has me (17 M[ale] ).”
“My mom died 11 years ago.”
“Kirsten’s ex husband is alive but doesn’t play a role in the lives of their kids (except child support which is apparently taken from his income because he wasn’t paying).”
“Her kids don’t remember their dad and so dad and Kirsten are hoping dad will become their new dad.”
“I met Kirsten 4-5 months ago and her kids around the same time and given my age and the fact I did fine with just me and dad, I’m not looking for Kirsten to fill any sort of maternal or motherly role.”
“I also don’t think I’ll be engaging with Kirsten’s kids as a sibling.”
“This upsets her because she wanted me to be the cool older sibling for them, and someone who might babysit on occasion.”
‘But mostly someone who’d make a point to spend time with them.’
“But I’m not planning on spending too much time with them.”
“I have plans for once I turn 18.”
“My dad always knew this.”
“So this has fed into the whole babysitting the kids during the wedding stuff.”
“Kirsten says since I won’t be 18 when they get married and I’ll still be living with my dad, I should be willing to monitor her kids throughout the wedding.”
“My dad admitted she’s hoping it makes me a little more willing to be someone to her kids.”
“I said no when I was initially asked and I was clear with my no. Kirsten told me it wasn’t like I was looking forward to the wedding anyway so why not agree to babysit.”
“She told me it would give me the chance to bond with her kids.”
“I said no.”
“Dad said he’d pay me to do it if I was agreeable to money for it.”
“But then Kirsten was saying it would be hurtful if I wouldn’t do it as a favor to my growing family.”
“Dad told her it was expecting a little too much.”
“She argued that if I’m there, and still living with him, I should be willing, and that I seem so resistant to acting like a sibling that it’s incredibly childish.”
“There was some more back and forth about it.”
“Kirsten got really pissed when I said it again, as clearly as I could, that I won’t babysit during the wedding.”
“Dad said he’d pay for a sitter but Kirsten said I should really be more willing here.”
“That dad and I don’t have an awful relationship so why won’t I give all this a chance and make the day less expensive and more of a happy memory for everyone.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to babysit Kirsten’s children at her and his father’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that Kirsten was clearly not eager for the OP and her children to bond, but was just looking for a way to enjoy her wedding without needing to pay a babysitter:
“NTA.”
“Just continue to tell her that it is not happening.”
“And on the day of the wedding do not let her abandon the kids with you.”
“She can find a friend to babysit her kids at the wedding if that is necessary.”- mlc885
“NTA.”
“‘This upsets her because she wanted me to be the cool older sibling for them’.”
“This just means babysitter.”
“‘I’m not planning on spending too much time with them. I have plans for once I turn 18.”
“I’d be more surprised if an eighteen-year-old boy wanted to spend time with three children under eight.”
“‘Kirsten says since I won’t be 18 when they get married and I’ll still be living with my dad, I should be willing to monitor her kids throughout the wedding’.”
“No.”
“She’s just looking for any excuse to get what she wants.”
“‘She told me it would give me the chance to bond with her kids’.”
“Why would a wedding be a suitable occasion for this, even if you wanted to do it?”
“I seem so resistant to acting like a sibling that it’s incredibly childish’.”
“You’re clearly not responsible enough to look after them if you’re childish.”
“‘make the day less expensive and more of a happy memory for everyone’.”
“Happy for you?”- diminishingpatience
“NTA.”
“Your dad seems to be on your side so that’s a big plus on his part.”
“The new wife seems to want a built in family and does not understand that not everyone will warm up to three kids under 8 right away.”
“P.s I’m just judging her for having 3kids under eight and then having a not so great relationship with the ex, AND expecting you to welcome her with open arms, when it’s been very obvious that you and dad have been doing well for the last 11 years on your own without your mom.”
“I don’t begrudge your dad for wanting companionship, but someone with three kids under 8 is a handful.”- mknit
“NTA.”
“tell your dad that you want to be at the wedding to support him, but since it is becoming clear that you were only invited to help babysit, you will have to decline the invitation.”
“Hopefully, your dad will see how far this has spiraled and put a stop to the babysitting requests.”- bepsigir
“NTA.”
“You said no multiple times.”
“Point out to your dad that Kristen actions are already causing tension in your relationship.”
“Let him know he needs to shut it down if he doesn’t want things to turn hostile between you, him, and her.”- Such-Awareness-2960
“NTA.”
“You can’t force a sibling relationship, and clearly you don’t want one.”
“Kirsten needs to learn that, and how to respect your boundaries.”
“I’m glad your Dad is in your corner.”
“Hopefully he can help her understand.”- Defiant-Historian800
“Why does she keep bringing up that you still live there?”
“I can’t see how that’s relevant, like you should pay your room and board with babysitting?”
“It’s pretty usual for a 17, 18yo, and older to live with parents.”
“Where are three more little people going to fit?”
“Does she have her eye on your bedroom for her kids when you turn 18?”
“NTA.”- HubbaBekah
“You’re NTA.”
“Sure, it would be nice of you to offer, but aside from the fact that you have no desire to do this it’s also a terrible idea to ask you to babysit three small children who you don’t really know when you probably have no previous experience.”
“As a mum I certainly wouldn’t leave my kids with an unwilling and untrained teenager who my kids had no previous relationship with.”
“And it would probably be for a whole day and evening.”
“Are you supposed to put them all to bed by yourself as well?”- Yikes44
“NTA.”
“Kirsten is entitled, but your dad is delusional.”
“‘My dad admitted she’s hoping it makes me a little more willing to be someone to her kids’.”?
“LOL, really?”
“I’m quite sure that babysitting of three children under of 8 during a stressful, long and exhausting formal event would make you even less ‘willing to be someone to her kids’…”- Garamon7
“NTA.”
“I guarantee this is just the beginning.”
“If you agree now then you’re going to become the instant free babysitter whenever she wants until you move out.”
“Stick to your guns.”- Fun-Perception-666
It’s not an unreasonable hope for a parent entering a soon-to-be blended family to want their children to bond with their new stepsiblings.
However, forcing a teenage boy to babysit children who are almost or over a decade younger than him is probably not the most surefire bonding exercise.
It will probably be in Kirsten’s best interests to improve her own relationship with the OP before she forces one between him and her young children.