Managing sibling rivalries is always a challenge. But for one woman on Reddit it became downright dramatic when her younger daughter began sleeping with her older daughter’s boyfriend.
She felt she had no option but to send her youngest daughter to live with her father. But she wasn’t sure about how she chose to handle the situation, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the username ContributionOk7062 on the site, asked:
“AITA for kicking my daughter out?”
She explained:
“My daughter (16F[emale]) just recently cheated with her sister’s (17F) bf (17M[ale]). To say this was a shock was an understatement. My oldest was completely heartbroken and shattered that her sister did that to her. Not to mention she was also really heartbroken by the bf.”
“My youngest on the other hand is now saying that their dating, and that it couldn’t be helped they fell for eachother and her sister should try to be understanding. I was stunned that she had the audacity to say such a thing and sent her up to her room while I tried to console my 17yr.”
“My 17yr can’t stand to be in the same house as her sister and I decided the best thing for now is to give their relationship some space. My girls have two different dad’s so I told my 16yr’s dad what was going on and he understood and agreed to take her.”
“My mom however has been giving me a lot of sh*t for what happened. She says that this is not the way to handle the situation and I’m going to make my daughter think I don’t love her as much as her sister. She says that since I’m the adult I shouldn’t be choosing sides and shouldn’t have kicked her out, especially because she didn’t want to go.”
“I am feeling a bit conflicted about this. On the one hand I have siblings myself and could never imagine doing this to one of them. Not only that but if they did that to me I would NEVER forgive them. And if this were someone else like a friend, I would tell them to never let their sister back in their life because clearly she has no respect or value for them, and nd was willing to throw away that relationship for something that may not last.”
“On the other hand she’s my daughter and I don’t want her to ever think I don’t love her or prefer her sister. I also want my kids to have a good relationship with each other, but I can’t pretend I like the person she’s become to do this to her sister. I’m trying not to let the anger of her actions cloud my judgment but I’ve never been angrier at one of my kids.”
“I know she’s a teenager and teenagers do dumb things but I would have never done this, even at that age. Plus what kind of signal would it send to my 17yr if I just overlooked what her sister did to her.”
“I’ve asked family and friends for their opinions but while some agreed with me others disagreed and I just don’t know what’s right. I just feel so conflicted.”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And most of them seemed to feel that in this very sticky situation, OP had done the best she could given the stakes and limited options.
“I fully thought from the title that’d you’d kicked her out to live on the streets. But sending her to her dads while you console your other daughter is a sensible thing to do. I’m saying NTA for separating your daughters whilst emotions are still high and giving them both a break from each other.”
“It depends how you follow this up though. They both need to rebuild the relationship and you can be a crucial part of that process. I have no advice on the 16YO and the boyfriend though. What a sh!tshow! Good luck 🤞🏻” –dbellhogwarts
“It might take the older daughter longer to come to terms with what her sister did. It is definitely not an easy situation to handle. it seems like the OP is doing a good job by keeping both her children safe and giving them the time to cool off. Just an FYI tho the boyfriend is not good news. The younger sister will eventually get hurt too.” –Quiet-Department8228
“Can’t wait for grandma to butt in and try to reconnect the girls after BF cheats on 16YO, using common ground as the reason. “You know what it’s like being cheated on, help your sister through this tough time…”
“NTA” –gregor_vance
“If my little sister did something like this to me, It would take YEARS for me to forgive her. Spending three weeks apart from each other, not at all abandoned just staying with another important family member sounds pretty reasonable to me.”
“It’s mentioned in the post that they are considering putting the younger daughter in therapy and that’s 1000% recommended. Something isn’t right here with her thinking and she needs to acknowledge that she did an awful hurtful thing to her family.” –littlestgoldfish
“Exactly this! It’s not like you sent her to fend for herself. She’s with her other parent who loves and cares for her just like you do. She will be ok, and she needs to learn not to hurt the people she’s closest to. You have TWO children to protect and care for here, and you’re doing your best to give them both a safe and healthy environment to grow and thrive. NTA” –haileymoses
“They might want to rebuild that relationship, but they might very well not. Especially if the cheating sister doesn’t show that she’s very sorry for her actions and makes amends. That said, the older sister is not at all required to just go back to a happy relationship with the other.” –Thuis001
“NTA, exactly this. Holy smokes. OP, you are on the right track, separating your daughters while emotions are high, keeping them both safe & offering therapy. I don’t know what else you could do. Hang in there Momma.” –RaqMountainMama
“NTA. There are times when not choosing sides is choosing a side. By staying neutral, all you do is tacitly acknowledge that the hurtful actions of one party are equally valid to the hurt feelings of the other.”
“And unless there are some problematic issues not included in your post, having your daughter stay with her father doesn’t seem like a harmful punishment. It’s simply giving your two daughters the space they need from each other.” –CreativeAirQuotes
“NTA. Parents are there to teach lessons when you missbehave. Your daughter sounds a lot like my sister. My parents always let her get away with everything. Now she is a spoiled 40 years old narcissist and she is quite lonely. Also i am no contact with her and my dad, and low contact with my mom.”
“If you as a mother let her get away with everything you will be raising a narcissist.” –Metomeelpalo
OP later came back to the post to add a bit more information.
“Edit: To clear some things up, my youngest is not staying with her dad permanently. Three weeks at most if my daughters don’t want to try to talk before then. My other daughters father lives a couple hours away so no she can’t stay with him.”
“My 16yr’s father and I have come up with a plan for him to try to get her to see reason while she’s at his house, and when she comes back, I’ll offer both of my daughters family therapy. My oldest is already in therapy because she has clinical depression but my youngest isn’t and I think it might benefit of them to talk things through with a therapist.”
“Her father might also get her a separate therapist if that’s something she’s open to. I’m not using sending my 16yr to her dad’s as a punishment but rather as space to give them both time to think things through, like the option of therapy and how they want to handle this situation.”
OP then returned to the post again to provide some updates on how things were going.
“Update: So her father and I talked with my 17yr’s therapist today and she recommended that it might be best to have my 17yr stay with her father when my 16yr gets back. My 17yr agreed she would like to try this option.”
“Obviously I want my girls to repair their relationship but if this is what’s best for my 17yrs mental health than I’m not going to stop her from moving out or pressure her to rekindle the relationship with her sister. I do plan to take her out and do something nice before she leaves.”
Hopefully OP can help her daughters mend their relationship.