The great toilet seat debate.
Should men put the seat back down after using the toilet? Or is that the next person’s problem?
A mother turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to pose a hypothetical “Would I Be The A**hole (WIBTA) scenario for feedback.
Novel-Blueberry-3679 asked:
“WIBTA if I install locks on the toilet seat?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (40, female) live with my 2 teenaged sons (15, male and 14, male) and my husband (42, male). Recently we remodeled a room for my 15-year-old to have his own bedroom, but he has to share the same bathroom as me and my husband.”
“Prior to this room change, I didn’t have an issue with the toilet seat being left up because it rarely happened. This last week, I have had to replace the toilet paper a lot more frequently, and I can’t go into the bathroom without having to touch the dirty toilet seat to put it back down.”
“Of course, every time I ask who left it up, everyone always says ‘oh, it wasn’t me’. My husband backs me up when he is awake (he works night shift for context), but considering that means that the 17 hours he is either at work or asleep, I am stuck being the parent in charge.”
“Tonight was the last straw. I walked in to go use the bathroom before bed and had to shut the lid down again. This is the 7th time today.”
“When I told my son either put the lid down or use the other bathroom, he smarted off, ‘Well, you are the only female in the house, why should we have to close the lid?'”
“His dad doesn’t act like this, so I am unsure where he gets it from.”
“I have had enough of his attitude, considering I have been busting my butt to ensure he has his own bedroom. Seriously feels like I am the only parent most days because of my husband’s work schedule.”
“I threatened to put a child lock on the seat, and my son responded with ‘good luck cleaning pi$$ off the seat then’.”
“WIBTA if I install child locks on the toilet?”
“Just to add some clarity, he is now grounded for his disrespect and language, which he thinks is OK to use toward me.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“Installing a child lock on the toilet. I am the only female, so the toilet seat bothers me more than the guys.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP would not be the a**hole (NTA).
“Don’t put a lock on the toilet lid, put a lock on the bathroom door and don’t give him a key.” ~ adventuresofViolet
“Pin pad lock. Make it your birthday. No one will be able to figure it out.” ~ mer_made_99
“You’re putting the lock in the wrong place, just lock him out of that bathroom altogether, he can solely use the other one.”
“And since he seems to think he is somehow in charge of anything, I’d be winding back on things he has access to, like gaming, wifi etc. he thinks being a male in the house trumps being a parent, then he needs to start learning some lessons in respect.” ~ SaltEducator5442
“I suspect that he thinks being a male in the WORLD trumps being a woman of any kind. I’m curious about what rationale he now has for understanding why the toilet seat should be left down and why OP was mad.” ~ NeatNefariousness1
“NTA. Son needs an attitude adjustment or he’s well on his way to being the kind of man women avoid with that level of disrespect and entitlement.”
“‘You’re the only woman, so why should we put it down?’ Maybe because you should be respectful of the women you live with even if it’s just one?” ~ Crypticbeliever1
The OP provided an update:
“OK, so backstory, we moved into this house last year. Our house, we moved from, the boys had basically their own living room, bathroom, and bedrooms.”
“Our house, which we moved into, is small. It was originally 2 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom. We remodeled the laundry/storage room into another bedroom for my oldest son.”
“Prior to this, the boys had a bathroom of their own in their room. ‘My’ bathroom was off of the hall.”
“The ‘master bedroom’ was the boys’ room, even though it wasn’t much larger than the one my husband and I have. So my 15-year-old now has the room across the hall from us.”
“Prior to this room switch, he shared a bathroom with his brother, and if they left the seat up, that was their own issue, seeing as they didn’t use mine.”
“As for my son’s punishment, he is now grounded from my bathroom and has to use the one in his brother’s room. Since neither of them admitted to leaving it up, they both have to share again.”
“He is also currently washing laundry and cleaning my bathroom. His words were ‘I am sorry for what I said, and I understand why you are mad.”
“Clarification on some stuff: we are actually in the process of completely adding a master bedroom and master bathroom. His room, which we remodeled, is temporary; it was never meant to be a permanent solution.”
“That is why we aren’t switching rooms with our 14-year-old. Honestly, the toilet seat was the breaking point.”
“Prior to that there had been several issues that I had been trying to correct: not putting a trash bag in the trash can in the kitchen, not picking up the dirty clothes off the floor, etc… Each of the boys have regular chores: load the dishwasher, take out trash, clean their room, basic stuff.”
“24 hour update: Had a long talk with him last night. He is still grounded. The toilet seat has been down all day that I have seen.”
“He has been doing his normal chores today plus helping more. I calmly explained the issue of chores not being done and I have been the one cleaning the bathroom.”
“Prior to this my bathroom is the only one with a tub/shower combo. The other has a shower stall. So when they want a regular bath and not a shower, they use mine.”
“Dad needs to have a talk with his son about showing disrespect to his wife and the consequences. Not acceptable behavior. It should be a conversation that only needs to happen one time.” ~ Melodic_Principle0
“NTA for the spirit of that decision. But a 15-year-old is hardly going to be stymied by a child lock.”
“A more effective punishment would be making him come into the room every time the seat is not down, if you have to drag him away from a game, or interrupt a phone call, or whatever, and make him sanitize the toilet, wipe the floor, and put the seat down.”
“If you make him do that 5 or 7 or 10 times a day, he will get the message eventually.”
“You might want to have a go through his internet history too. That rhetoric he’s spouting has some toxic manosphere vibes.”
“You’ll want to have a serious chat with your husband about where your son(s) might be picking up these ideas too.” ~ No-Assignment5538
“‘Good luck cleaning pee off the seats’? Oh, that kid just earned the job of cleaning the bathroom! Daily! Punishment should fit the crime! FAFO! Install the locks also!” ~ shfeba
“Yup, this! Congrats, kid! You just earned a full confiscation of every electronic device you own, plus a thorough search of them, plus the room you’re not getting back, because you’re going back to your old room! I’ve always wanted my own hobby room and now I have it!”
“Locks are installed on said bathroom, and now do you get the prize of not being able to use said bathroom, but you’re going to clean ALL the bathrooms in the house, daily!”
“I will meet you at X o’clock with your two toothbrushes, scrub brush, and Comet as I watch you clean the entirety of the bathrooms from top to bottom! Don’t forget which toothbrush or you’ll do it over again.”
“Why are other things in the house not getting done? Because I have to babysit your a** because you refuse to keep your space clean. Talk to your father and brother about that.”
“I know I came from a different time, but I would do this. FAFO.” ~ DatsunTigger
“When my kids mouthed off, it was immediate phone confiscation, with the explanation, ‘I know I didn’t raise you to be that disrespectful, so you must have learned it somewhere! Phone is mine now’.”
“I’d be taking the phone and having them clean the bathrooms top to bottom. EVERY single time that toilet seat is left up, the kid needs to be told to stop whatever they’re doing, and go and physically close it.”
“Every single time. Even if it would take mom one second to do it, that’s not the point. The point is it’s HIS job to do it. That’s how we got our kids to stop leaving cups/dishes out.”
“They go in the dishwasher. You’re watching TV? Too bad. Get up and put it in.” ~
“Everyone in the household should be closing all the lids before they flush to prevent the aerosolized urine and feces particles from misting throughout the bathroom.” ~ walkinwater
As many noted, OP needs to have a discussion with her husband as well as her son. Their son’s attitude needs an adjustment.