Wedding etiquette used to require thank you notes be sent for every gift. Day-to-day etiquette used to require a thank you note from children for any gift for any occasion.
But snail mail for cards is pretty much a thing of the past.
Most people aren't even doing Christmas cards anymore.
Aside from weddings that got matching thank you cards with their invitations, is anyone doing thank you notes anymore?
A man who was taken to task over his lack of a thank you note turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Torch99999 asked:
"AITA for not sending a thank you card for a rock?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (43, male) got married seven-ish years ago, a very quick service we wedged in 5 minutes before the normal church service, since all my friends attended that church anyway, and my wife's family wasn't going to be able to attend (for immigration reasons)."
"My mother invited one of her friends to attend, and she came with her husband. Church was open to the public, so no big deal. I haven't seen them since."
"Five years later, they mailed me a rock, about 2 inches, brown, smooth. Turns out my mother's friend's husband polishes rocks for a hobby in retirement. He picked this rock in his back yard, polished it, and shipped it to me."
"I assumed it wasn't a wedding gift, just mentioned the wedding since that was the only time I ever interacted with them. No indication in the package that it was a wedding gift, 5 years later."
"I have no use for a small rock. It's nothing special, and it seemed a bit weird that they mailed it to me."
"Fast forward, and my mother's friend is pestering my mother, complaining that I didn't send them a thank-you card for the rock. Initially, I just brushed it off, but they've been complaining to my mother about the lack of a 'thank you' card for almost two years now."
"AITA for not sending a 'Thank You' card for a rock?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"Not sending a thank you card for an unsolicited gift of a small ordinary rock."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. Is everyone else missing the fact that they waited five f*cking years before sending a wedding gift? No, you don't need to send a thank you card!" ~ PotGawd420
"I don't know if it's the 5 years, the 2 years after that, or the fact that they sent a f*cking rock that makes this ridiculous." ~ Otherwise_Chemist920
"OP should send a 'thank you' card in another three years." ~ FreddyDeus
"At this point, IS IT a wedding gift?"
"OP hasn't seen them since his wedding, but this might have just been a random gift for the kids of their good friends... no occasion needed."
"The whole thing is a bit silly, but at the same time, two years ago, when OP found out they wanted a thank-you note, would it have killed him to humor them? Just as a courtesy to his own mother, so she doesn't have to hear about it?"
"The whole thing is so weird, I think I might have amused myself, in OP's place, to find a cute card and send them a Thank You note."
"Human interaction is just quirky sometimes." ~ OrindaSarnia
"I don't think it was meant to be a wedding gift. Sounds like it was a quick ceremony with no expectation of a gift, and that the rock was unrelated. Doesn't change the fact that no card should be necessary, though." ~ 0-Snap
"NTA. They sent you a rock. A rock. From their backyard. Five years after your wedding." ~ RealMcCoy0816
"If it had been a rock from the wedding venue on the day of the wedding, then MAYBE. But it's a random rock, so far from the wedding. It's just weird!" ~ Stunning_Patience_78
"That was my thought, too. A nice rock from the venue, picked the day of, polished, and sent within a year? Odd, sure, but also lovely and thoughtful."
"This?? This is bizarre. NTA." ~ Dry_Bowler_2837
"Yeah, if I were OP, I'd consider just mailing the rock back to them, since it's apparently so precious that they can't stop thinking about it, it should be with them." ~ Longjumping_Hat_2672
"If it were my son receiving or gifting me the rocks, I wouldn't bat an eye because he is Neurodivergent and he collects random rocks. I have pulled a handful of boring road rocks out of his pockets every day for 2 weeks once."
"That said, in this case, yeah, I have to agree with no context beyond he finds and polishes them, unless it's a large rock with interesting layer lines or a fossil that you can use as home decor, it's just weird." ~ Environmental_Art591
"The husband has a hobby, and they need to find people to 'gift' the end result. I get it, I embroider. But I don't offload my work onto people just because I have nowhere to put them. This isn't even just a gift; they want someone to store the fruits of their labor forever and give thanks for the honor of doing it." ~ viewfromupherefwiw
"How odd that everyone in the comments is considering this "gift" to be a wedding gift. It was sent 5 years later with no explanation. Why would that be considered a wedding gift?"
"The fact that they have been pestering your mother about it all this time indicates that they are not very rational people. A rock from someone's backyard is not a gift worthy of a thankyou note. But, for your mother's sake, CALL the people and thank them. Make it short and sweet and then tell your mother you called." ~ hadMcDofordinner
"Some people live in interesting places."
"A backyard rock could be actually neat in some way that OP just doesn't understand."
"Not saying this isn't weird... and it certainly wouldn't have occurred to me to send a Thank You note if I was in his position...but the rock could be a special rock."
"Either way, at this point, OP needs to ask his mother if she wants a Thank You note sent to make her life easier... and if that's the case, I think OP should have some fun with it and send a note." ~ OrindaSarnia
"Find a rock from your backyard, use a Sharpie to write thank you on it, and send it to him. They sound pretty insufferable. Who sends a bloody backyard rock as a wedding gift 5 years late, and then gets upset that they don't get a thank you card?" ~ TepHoBubba
"NTA - they sent this 'gift' five years after the wedding??? This isn't a wedding gift. Yes, it's nice that they thought of you, but it's a very weird thing to send."
"I have two special rocks on my dresser - one was the rock my grandma used to keep a closet door shut, and the other is a red volcanic rock from Sicily that a friend brought back. Both have meaning, but a rock from your mother's friends' backyard??? Weird."
"If you love and appreciate your mom, do her a favor and send a thank you note so they'll leave her alone." ~ WoollyMammothwapo
"NTA. You didn't even invite them. They crashed your party and sent you a rock. Would it be a nice thing to do? Sure. But I don't think it makes you an asshole that you don't send a stranger a thank you card for a Weird gift they sent you way after the wedding (that they crashed)." ~ Daymanwoaah
"ESH. I don't see the correlation between a wedding and the rock since they're 5 years apart. Even if they specified that it was a wedding rock, so weird."
"But you should also send a thank you note (or at least call) whenever someone sends you a gift. Even if you don't like it."
"You're far past the deadline to be polite, but maybe just send a new thank you note saying the first one got lost in the mail, to appease the crazy people." ~ Ill-Tradition4036
"Old people are so bored and entitled in their lives that they track the lack of a thank-you card for a literal useless rock from their backyard. Obviously NTA. It almost seems like a humiliation ritual and/or control thing. My aunt used to do the same thing. Mail my family weird useless bullsh*t then get mad when we wouldn't acknowledge it." ~ LaCroixBinch
"NTA-This is boomer stuff. I don't know many people who send cards anymore. Ask for the phone number, send a text message. Even the boomers text." ~ Griswa
"INFO: Are any of you actually otters? Do you eat a lot of mollusks? That's the only thing I can think of that makes this make sense..." ~ BreachLoadingButtGun
As neither the OP nor their wife are otters, the rock isn't a kitchen utensil so it's still just a rock.
An unsolicited backyard rock.
