Content Warning: Body-Shaming, Skinny-Shaming, Plus-Sized Shaming, Bullying, Face Slaps
Though we may not want to think about it, some of us have struggled a lot in our lifetimes with our body image, body size, and shaming that we heard from other people along the way.
Unfortunately, no matter your body size, there are always going to be people who are open to causing trouble and commenting on your appearance, cringed the people in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Heavenstobestie had always been a skinny woman, and she began to dread attending her childhood friend’s parties each year, because one of her childhood friend’s new friends always commented on her body.
When she flipped the narrative and used the bully’s comment as a compliment, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by how the other woman responded.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling a plus-sized woman that I love being ‘skinny’?”
It was no longer fun for the OP to visit her childhood friend because of her new friends.
“I dread going to my childhood friend’s birthday party every year.”
“We moved apart a decade ago, and even though I’ll always care deeply about her, we are very different people now and her friend group reflects this.”
“She has one friend, Amanda, who… without fail… has to comment on my weight EVERY single time she sees me. She’ll say, ‘You’re so skinny!’ ‘Do you even eat?’ ‘Does your bf care that you don’t have curves?’ or ‘Your legs are like sticks!'”
“For the record, I eat plenty. I just have a fast metabolism which keeps me super thin. I keep a strong face when Amanda says these things to me, but truthfully she’s touching on my worst insecurities and it makes me dread going to these parties every year.”
The OP’s mom gave her an idea of how to deal with the bullying comments.
“I was considering not going this year, until I talked to my mom about it.”
“My mom had (what I thought was) a great idea on how to deal with Amanda. She suggested I pretend she’s giving me a compliment.”
“My mom told me: “If Amanda says, ‘You’re so skinny!’, just smile and say, ‘Thanks! I love being skinny. And if she looks disappointed at your response, you’ll have proven she was trying to insult you.'”
“I thought this was great advice. However, something I had failed to mention to my mom was that Amanda was overweight. I didn’t realize this meant I was entering potential AH territory.”
At the party, Amanda body-shamed the OP like usual.
“Anyway, the dreaded birthday party day comes. And of course, no surprise, Amanda immediately looks at my arms and comments how tiny they are. I ignored this comment.”
“Then later on in the day, we were standing in a group together and she was eyeing me up and down.”
“She chuckled to herself and says, ‘God, you’re so skinny.'”
“And I thought, ‘Okay, here it is. Here is my moment.'”
“I turned to her, smiled, and said, ‘Thanks. I love being skinny.'”
“And then, and I am completely serious here…”
“SHE SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE!”
The OP was shocked by how Amanda reacted to her comment.
“I was in complete shock, just staring back at her, mouth hanging open with my hand on my cheek.”
“Everyone was silent.”
“She suddenly bursts into tears and runs out of the room. Two of her friends chase her.”
“Only one other girl and my childhood friend asked if I was okay, but everyone else was just shooting me dirty looks.”
“I promptly left the party (which sucked cause I had a two-hour commute and had planned to sleep over).”
The OP was even more surprised by the lack of support she received.
“The next day, I was texting my childhood friend about it. She basically thinks that even though Amanda shouldn’t have slapped me, that I was insensitive for saying, ‘I love being skinny,’ to a plus-size person.”
“I argued that Amanda has been consistently insensitive to me at every party. And I didn’t comment on her body, only my own.”
“She told me that it’s different because being skinny is socially acceptable, and that Amanda wouldn’t usually do something like this but I triggered her with my ‘insult.'”
“My mom thinks I am in the right but this was all her idea so of course she does, lol (laughing out loud).”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was NTA and advised her on how to respond in the future.
“NTA… Next time, shut down a bully with this: ‘I know I’m skinny. It’s not a secret. Why do you feel the need to constantly comment on my size?'” – pretty-pleeb
“NTA. Make it awkward for her.”
“Say, ‘You keep commenting on my body every time we meet. I have no idea if you mean it as a compliment or an insult, but I don’t want to talk about my body either way. Talk about something else, please.'” – RuncibleMountainWren
“I’d also start with, ‘What an odd thing to say in public. Why would you say that? It’s not really socially acceptable to talk about other people’s bodies. Do you appreciate comments about your own?'”
“‘What an odd thing to say out loud’ is a phrase I’ve really embraced when dealing with s**ty people. It really confuses them. I hope it helps you, too.” – Constant_Sentence_80
Others insisted that the OP’s response was fine as-is and said she was NTA.
“What OP said is perfectly fine and proved Amanda was being insulting. ‘Thank you, I’m happy with my body’ with no comment on the other’s. She’s offended because she’s not happy with hers. End of story.” – CorbinNZ
“Honestly, it seems like the whole friend group is enabling her (or each other’s) bad behavior. No matter what OP had said, the friends would have been mad at OP because their friend is dramatic and sensitive when it comes to her own weight.”
“It was all about OP daring to make that friend feel bad and not what OP said. Confronting the girl would have made the girl feel bad too or would lead to a fight and they would have been mad at OP for picking a fight with their friend.” – hummingelephant
“Calling the police would have been my first move before leaving and I’d scream my a** off at her until the cops came.”
“She set a precedence that it’s okay to talk about other people’s bodies and then OP didn’t even bring up her body but her own.” – WhoisthatRobotCleanr
“NTA. I love your mom.”
“For real, your mom’s advice was spot on! Amanda had it coming with all those rude comments. She just couldn’t handle you having a spine.” – Sad-Acanthaceae3366
“Why was it ‘okay’ for Amanda to body shame OP? Answer… it wasn’t. Who the f**k cares about ‘the more socially acceptable to be skinny’ comment, it’s not true. I knew many women in my life shamed for being skinny, and having no curves, no boobs, etc (and I’m not skinny… I’m well on the voluptuous side).”
“It’s JUST as hurtful as fat shaming. Period. Shaming is shaming.”
“And OP said NOTHING about Amanda’s body, just answered a dig at her own.”
“NTA!” – jacquie999
“OP didn’t even comment on the girl’s body. She simply responded to the ‘compliment.’ That’s what kills me here.”
“OP, just because you had a connection with someone 10 years ago doesn’t mean they’re meant to be in your life forever. The fact that your friend expected you to just continue to take this person’s verbal abuse is appalling. I think it’s time to just let this friendship go.” – PurplePufferPea
“Mom teed up a perfect FAFO (f**k around a find out) moment. I am flabbergasted that this girl SLAPPED YOU.”
“If I were you, I’d go NC (no contact) with her insecure a**. She loved to f**k around by bullying you to make herself feel better, and then when the find out part happened, she retaliated with violence. She’s a psycho.” – chickenfightyourmom
“I’m a plus-size woman and I think: GO OP! Amanda totally deserved it!”
“She was totally body-shaming you because of her own insecurities. Her reaction screamed it.”
“The fact that your childhood friend thought it was an insensitive remark tells me that she’s the AH. Is she also a bigger person? Amanda was saying what they were all thinking, that’s why they thought it was fine.”
“Commenting on anyone’s body is not right. Only Doctors, Dieticians, and personal trainers should be telling others to gain or lose weight.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re big or little, everyone is insecure about something on their bodies. It is not alright to tear others down to make yourself feel better.”
“NTA.” – Tiggie200
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“Thank you for all your supportive comments, and also for sharing your own stories about skinny shaming. Makes me feel good to know I’m not alone.”
“Upon reflection, I realize I perhaps should have said, ‘Thanks! I love my body,’ instead of, ‘Thanks! I love being skinny.’ Hearing the word ‘skinny’ likely triggered her insecurities with her body. I understand this because hearing certain words and comments can trigger my insecurities too.”
“Obviously, her bullying and insults over the years were completely out of line. But I shouldn’t have fought fire with fire… even if she deserved it. I should have been the bigger person.”
“I’m aware she must be struggling with insecurities just as I am. I’m trying to learn from this, so I don’t end up letting my insecurity control me. I don’t want to end up making rude comments to others out of jealousy. Sometimes, I meet someone with a nice body, and I feel the jealousy stirring in my stomach. But I just compliment them.”
“I am glad she embarrassed herself and cried, though. I know that’s horrible to admit, but it’s true.”
“And no, to those who suggested it, I will not press charges, I’d rather move on. I made it clear to my friend that I won’t be attending her parties anymore because of the assault (I used the word assault in the text to drive home how serious it was).”
“Her defense of Amanda has made it clear we are simply too different now. I’m gonna slowly cut her off.”
“I honestly don’t think I’ll be invited back anyway. But I’m relieved; I don’t want to drive to another city just to get insulted and humiliated.”
The subReddit was disgusted by how Amanda had treated the OP, the fact that she hit her, and that most of the party members had supported Amanda instead of the OP.
Though the OP might have been able to phrase her statement a little better than she already did, she was not wrong to point out that her comment related to her own body only rather than commenting on Amanda’s.
If Amanda couldn’t handle it, she probably shouldn’t be dishing it out, either.