Redditor CourtWeird adopted the child of his late twin brother and has grown to love his nephew as his own son.
A recent health diagnosis prompted the child’s curiosity about his lineage and asked for a DNA test, and the uncle happily accommodated his request.
But when the surprising results shocked the uncle, he acted accordingly out of protection for his son.
His guilt “beyond belief” led him to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit where he asked:
“AITA for falsifying my son’s DNA test?”
The Original Poster (OP) prefaced the post by warning: “LONG Story.”
“My twin brother was a hot mess and died of a drug overdose in 2009. His girlfriend announced she was pregnant and gave birth in back of an abandon bus. Obviously she lost custody.”
“I was next of kin so I adopted my nephew although we refer each other as father/son and he is doted by everyone.”
“My son was diagnosed with a rare form of diabetes (diabetes inspidious) last year which his doctor told him was genetic. I have NO one with that in my family I mentioned it was probably from his mother’s side.”
“That sparked an interest in learning about his family tree. He asked for a 23andme DNA test which I gladly bought for him knowing it would show people from our side of the family. Nothing shocking.”
“Well I was SHOCKED. When his results were ready, I viewed them before he did. He is not blood related. He is basically Russian and Ashkenazi on the paternal side when it shows German and English on my side. It made sense. He looks nothing like me or his birth mom.”
“This doesn’t change anything, but it would destroy him to find out. He was wishing that there would be one family member with their sh*t together and maybe give him a sense of history.”
“My kid wanted to see the results himself so I showed him mine pretending it was his. He thought it was the coolest thing ever.”
“I feel guilty beyond belief because he and I have always had a transparent relationship and I am here deceiving him.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors struggled with their YTA judgment but believed the OP should tell come clean about the DNA test results.
“YWBTA [you would be the a**hole] if you keep this up. If you have the adoption legally completely and totally locked down, find the time to tell him. He’s your kid no matter what these tests say.”
“You get an understandable sec to collect yourself after you were thrown for a loop. but get this situation resolved. The lie will eat at you. Good luck and thanks for caring for this little person” – remembertowelday525
“I have rarely seen an a**hole with such good intentions as your own!”
“YTA if you don’t tell him, he has a right to know. Make sure you tell him you love him and that this doesn’t change anything. Tell him you panicked and that’s why you lied (as is what I understand happened) but that you also know that he has a right to know and that’s why you are telling him.”
“I know you are coming from a place of love but you can’t really shelter people from the truth.” – bi-snowflake
“YTA if you don’t tell him, and the longer you keep it from him, the more upset he will be, likely. How you tell him is important. I would listen to anyone who’s had to tell a kid they’re adopted and see how the kid reacted.”
“I would think an important thing is that you don’t have to donate genetic material to be a dad— you already weren’t his dna donor— but you are his father.”
“As long as you don’t want to let anything change that, it cannot be changed, even if your son takes some time to learn what family actually is. Don’t fear your son.”
“Love transcends these things as long as you don’t choke it with your own fears. IMO only. Again, see if anyone who’s been through something similar pops up.” – hedoniaB
“I don’t think this is an a**hole situation here man, I think it is more about delaying the inevitable…yes he would be shocked, but I think he would be more hurt when he (and he will…) finds out for himself.”
“I can’t imagine the delicate touch needed for this situation…the best advice I have is in telling you that there is no right answer here…both options will cause strife, now it’s about figuring out who you want to be in his eyes in the short term.” – bbk_99
“It pains me to do this, but, yes, YTA.”
“If your son is about 10, he’s old enough to understand that sometimes families are made in different ways. This was an opportunity to give him age appropriate messaging about his family history, but instead you created another layer of misdirection (lies) that will be nearly impossible to keep hidden forever.”
“I think you should find a professional therapist to talk to about this, who can help you figure out a path to making sure he can learn the truth, and learn to be ok with it.”
“I have no doubt you love each other, and that you have a good life together. Keep that going by not being dishonest with him.” – Gonebabythoughts
“YTA – this kid is an NPE – (non-paternity event or not parent expected) he has every right to know his biological, cultural and medical history.”
“Trust me as a woman who was 32 and then found out I was an NPE keeping this information from him is dangerous to his mental (and possibly physical) health. It wont change anything between him and the adoptive father, but he has the right to know where he comes from.”
“Trust me the fact hes been lied to will hurt more over time then knowing the truth. Get a good counselor ready and figure out how to support him he’s got a biological right to know, even if it can be upsetting.” – violettedream
“You’re coming from a place of love, but honestly you should just tell him. It won’t change anything. You’re his Dad. Always will be.”
“Telling him the truth let’s him know his history better, and can be a fun thing to dig into together. You can even tell him about giving him your results the first time, show him you’re imperfect.”
“I don’t really feel like this is A material if you make it right. If you continue to hide it, then you would be, but not yet.” – Silent-JET
Overall, Redditors agreed there was still time to make things right before ultimately being declared YTA.