Let’s face it: most teens and young adults are eager to start their own lives and cannot wait to move out of their parents’ houses.
For those who were eager to leave, it can be a real shock when their parents start asking about moving in with them when they get older, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor wear-jacket worked hard to save up money and build a life for himself. When he managed to buy his first home, he was super proud of himself.
When his parents immediately came knocking, asking to move in with him, he refused to take them in, and the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when they accused him of being ungrateful for all they had done for him growing up.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to let my parents move into my new house?”
The OP was pleased to have saved enough money to buy his home.
“I (34 Male) recently bought my first home after years of hard work and saving.”
“It’s a modest but beautiful house in a quiet neighborhood, and I’m incredibly proud of achieving this milestone.”
The OP’s parents were eager to explore this new space.
“My parents (both in their late 60s) currently live in a rented apartment, and while they’re not struggling financially, they’ve expressed concerns about retirement and wanting a more stable living arrangement.”
“After I announced my house purchase, they approached me with the idea of moving in with me. They said it would give them a chance to downsize, save money, and spend more time with me.”
The OP had reservations about inviting his parents into his home.
“While I love my parents and respect everything they’ve done for me, I was honest and told them that I wanted this house to be my personal space.”
“I’ve lived with them most of my life, and I was looking forward to having my independence.”
“They didn’t take it well. They accused me of being ungrateful, reminding me that they sacrificed a lot to support me through college and early adulthood. They even suggested that I owe it to them to give back now that I’m in a better financial position.”
The OP’s parents even got the rest of the family involved in the argument.
“Some extended family members also chimed in, saying I should ‘honor’ my parents by letting them live with me.”
“I tried explaining that while I’m happy to help them in other ways, like assisting with rent or finding a better place for them, I’m not ready to share my home.”
“It’s not about them personally; it’s about finally having a space that’s mine.”
“Despite this, they continue to pressure me, and now I’m starting to feel like I might actually be selfish for saying no.”
“AITAH for refusing to let my parents move into my new house?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that it was best to maintain his boundaries.
“Don’t do this. If you let these vampires in, it will immediately not be your house anymore.”
“They won’t f**king ‘downsize.’ They’ll cram your house full of that ugly blue china and precious moments figurines or whatever baubles they personally think are priceless, and then they will start making ever increasingly ridiculous demands.”
“It’ll start as suggestions like, ‘Are you sure we can’t have the master bedroom? There’s an ensuite bathroom, and you know your dad has to get up a lot in the night. And besides, you’re single, so it’s not like you need all that space anyway.'”
“Then you’ll never get them to leave.”
“This is a recipe to destroy your joy and everything you worked for.” – Blaster_Xtreme
“NTA. From the perspective of an older person, you need the independence of living alone. They need to figure out their own lives. I get along well with the grandkids who live with me, but if they get to a place where they want their own home, I will not insist on moving in with them.” – Ill_Industry6452
“I am super uncomfortable with parents who believe their children owe them anything other than respect (earned, of course).”
“You did not ask to be born. They have a moral obligation to you, not the other way around. Ask them if they always planned on you being their retirement fund and why did they tell you from an early age?”
“Urg, some people.” – enkilekee
“NTA. Oh, boy! Here comes the guilt-tripping and manipulation. I have the feeling that this is not new to you.”
“None of those reasons are a benefit to you. Let them continue their current lifestyle. It’s time for you to declare your independence.”
“Give them an inch, and they will take a mile is a truism for a reason.” – Nanabanafofana
“Stop it right now. You are NTA. It’s your house, your home, that you worked hard to get.”
“I will tell you what happens if your parents move in: it will be just like living again in your parental home. Your parents will butt in, will comment on what you do and especially on what you don’t do. If your parents worry about retirement at this age, it’s a bit too late for that: they should have taken measures before this.”
“You are not the means to make up for their negligence. Your parents are using emotional blackmail to get what they want. It’s simply a parent’s duty to bring up their children so that they can go out in the world and make a life for themselves, so no, you don’t owe them your house.”
“Of course, you’re grateful for what they did, but it doesn’t follow that they have a right to your house. Did their parents have a right to theirs? Did they take their parents in? They can spend more time with you in another way besides living in your house.”
“If you take them in, are you sure you can get them out if things don’t work out? Why would your parents want to run that risk? I wouldn’t dream of living in my son’s apartment. Not that I don’t love him, but he needs his own life and I need mine. That way, we won’t get on each other’s nerves.”
“No, in order to preserve a good relationship with your parents, it’s imperative that you don’t let them live with you. Your parents might not see it that way unless you tell them. You don’t need to ‘give back’ to your parents. Your parents should be happy and thankful that their child, in these difficult times, has a good job and now his own home.”
“You are not an alternative piggy bank. As for other family members, let them offer their homes to your parents. I know you don’t want to risk your relationship with your parents, but it’s clear, to me at least, that you think more highly of them than they do of you. Tell them, lovingly but firmly, NO.” – plantprinses
Others agreed and shared their stories of moving back in with their parents.
“Your kitchen will be your mom’s kitchen. Your living room will be your dad’s living room. Your TV will be their tv. Your schedule will be theirs to critique. Your design choices will become your mom’s to approve.”
“You will be stressed, anxious, and second-tier. In your own house.”
“Now. That being said. I look forward to the day I can offer housing to my aging parents… in their late 70s and 80s. I’ll have a bigger house and more space, and they’ll likely need support. It’ll be my choice.”
“You’re in your FIRST house for the first time, and your parents are healthy! This boundary doesn’t need to be crossed yet. Shame on them for shaming you.” – Pacific_Red
“I’m 74. Stand your ground. If they move in, they will further encroach on your life. I don’t understand how parents do and say these things. And other family members chiming in. Good grief.”
“And if you wish to marry, s/he would be in a difficult situation.”
“Best of luck. Congratulations on the house. Sounds like an amazing first house, especially given the real estate market.” – Active-Worker-3845
“Your parents are being ridiculous and selfish. When you choose to have kids, you raise them, and then you set them free to create their own independent lives and relationships of their own, and perhaps kids of their own. Just like your parents did. Just like I did.”
“Read between the lines. If they moved in, they’re in for life. You are their retirement plan and free elder care. They’re not going anywhere. Good luck in finding a significant other who would put up with that! They’d basically ruin your life.”
“Keep saying no. Just the one word, ‘No,’ which is a complete sentence. If they don’t stop, end the conversation and put them on a time-out. Go live your life. You only get one. I’m speaking as a mom of two adults around your age, and I’d never dream of doing this s**t to them.”
“NTA.” – Laquila
“I am only a few years younger than OP’s parents. I would never in a million ask my kids for a dime, let alone ask/demand that my wife and I move in with them. I would feel like my life had been a failure if I even considered moving in with either of my kids.”
“OP needs to say no. As someone who sacrificed to raise two kids, they owe me NOTHING. I chose to bring them into this world.” – No-To-Newspeak
“NTA. Speaking from experience, unless it’s a necessity for health reasons, say no and stand by it!”
“Seven years ago, my husband and I both retired. We were looking for a house near my parents because we felt like due to their age, they were beginning to rely on us more.”
“Once we found two houses we were interested in, they came to us to talk. They asked if we would be moving into their house once they died, and I told them yes because we love the house and its location.”
“They proposed that we move in with them and use our money to build a wing for us on their house and make upgrades since it would be ours someday, instead of buying a whole other house.”
“My husband and I both got along with them well, so we said yes.”
“I still wish we hadn’t. We did build our area, and it’s a good thing because we hide out there a lot! First, they revert to treating you like a child, and that caused arguments. Then it’s the fact that I am now the maid and the cook. If I don’t plan dinner and cook, they eat unhealthy things that are not good for them, so now I overcook, so they have a couple of days of leftovers.”
“Travel has become difficult for us. If I say we are traveling, my Mom pouts and says she misses us so much when we are gone. Then she calls and guilts me the whole time, asking when we are coming home, so it’s not enjoyable. If I leave town to stay with friends and decide to stay another day, she thinks it’s the end of the world.”
“They want to be involved in everything we do. Join our car club and meet all our friends. We have no privacy. They get the mail and check what we get, doctor’s bills, etc.”
“We have adapted, but I still wish we had not moved in, and we have put a ton of money into this house, so here we are. It’s time for you to have your own home, stand your ground.” – Fabulous-Reporter-21
While some people have amazing relationships with their parents and could easily build a multi-generational home together with them, many people do not have the luxury of that kind of relationship.
Though the OP cared for his parents and did appreciate how they raised him, it was reasonable that he wanted to experience life on his own for a while, not to mention celebrate his success at purchasing his own home before sharing the space with anyone else.