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Guy Irate After Vegetarian GF Won’t Pay For His B-Day Steak And Gets Him Banned From Restaurant

Man cutting steak
Pyrosky/Getty Images

Do morals get tossed out the window for birthdays?

Redditor leopardprintcats recently found herself in that conundrum on her boyfriend’s birthday.

She’s a staunch vegetarian who refuses to spend money on meat. He’s a meat lover who went to a steakhouse for his birthday.

The Original Poster (OP) refused to pay for his steak which ultimately led her to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

There she asked:

“AITA for refusing to pay for my bf’s food on his birthday and getting him banned from a restaurant?”

She went on to explain.

“I [18-year-old female] have been dating my boyfriend, John [20-year-old male] for a little under a year.”

“We have a pretty toxic-free relationship but there’s quite a bit of tension when it comes to me being vegetarian. I’ve been vegetarian since 11, and I have very strict morals around it.”

“The one thing John has a problem with is me refusing to spend my money on meat. Ever since I started making my own money, I swore to myself that I would never spend a cent of it on meat.”

“On our dates, we usually split the bill, and sometimes he pays for it all. I told him if he orders something meat-free, I’d happily pay for both of us, but he never does.”

“When he pays for my food, it’s when I’ve spent money on the activity. Normally concerts and festivals. That’s me paying €120+ on tickets and him spending maybe €50 on food”

“His birthday was a few days ago and we went out for dinner at his favourite fancy restaurant. He got the most expensive steak they had, along with a side salad and a bottle of wine.”

“When we finished our food, I asked the waiter to split the bill, and John looked at me, shocked. He asked if I was joking, and I said no.”

“Then he told me he thought I was going to pay since it was his birthday and he didn’t budget for the meal.”

“I asked him why he thought I’d pay since I’ve been very clear about my rule, but he couldn’t give me a reason other than it being his birthday.”

“I told him I’d pay for the wine and the side salad, but he’d need to pay for the steak. He was furious with me and stormed off to the bathroom.”

“I paid for my meal, the wine, and the salad and waited for him to come back. He didn’t. After waiting for 20 minutes, I left.”

“I found him sitting on a bench near where we parked the car. I asked him why he left and reminded him he needed to pay. He looked shocked when I said that and asked me if I didn’t pay.”

“I told him I’d paid for everything but the meat, and he lost it. He started yelling at me, telling me I was selfish, and that I needed to grow up. I stayed calm and told him he needed to go back and pay.”

“He scoffed and walked away. I ended up driving home without him.”

“Now he’s saying it’s my fault that he can’t show his face in his favorite restaurant since he dined and ditched. It’s a pretty small restaurant, so he’d 100% be recognized and kicked out.”

“So, aita?”

“EDIT: To the people commenting about me not “treating” him on his birthday, yes, I did. I even dipped into my savings for his present.”

“EDIT 2: I did not “take him out” for dinner. He was the one that suggested it.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

    • NTA – Not The A**hole
    • YTA – You’re The A**hole
    • NAH – No A**holes Here
    • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“NTA. Ignoring the vegetarian stuff, who the f*ck orders the most expensive steak possible and then expects their partner to pay for them without having checked prior.”

“And then storming off to the bathroom expecting that to pressure you into paying for it. Op I hope you can see all the huge red flags here.” – BabyCake2004

“NTA-For refusing to pay for his steak. Y T A to yourself for staying with someone who acts like this and treats you so poorly.” – GothPenguin

“You hold a very unusual moral position. You are deeply opposed to the consumption of meat, to the point where you will not allow your money to be spent on it.”

“But you have no problem with a life partner who frequently eats meat in front of you, as long as you don’t pay for it. This is an unusual place to draw the line.”

“I mention it because you may wish to reconsider your position before it makes things very uncomfortable (for example, if you were to marry a meat-eater, upon marriage, you’d have shared income and assets.”

“Does that mean that until marriage, they can eat meat, but afterward, they can only eat it if family money doesn’t pay for it? “Y

” you’re gonna be pushing your spouse to set up a lot of meat dates with friends, in that case)…”

“But your position is unusual, not immoral.”

“Anyhow, you’re wondering if you’re an AH for what you did to John. You’re not.”

“You made your position clear, and at no point did you tell him “I’m taking you out to dinner” (if you did, this was a big omission from your post).”

“Because of this, it was unreasonable for him to assume that you were paying. It became even less reasonable after you asked for a split check.”

“At that point, John left in an effort to force you to pay even though you made your position clear. You didn’t, and so he effectively stole his food.”

“Now he’s left with the consequences of those choices.”

“While I find your rules odd, I don’t find them confusing, and presumably, neither does John. You acted in an extremely principled, predictable way.”

“If John doesn’t wish to be treated like someone who leaves restaurants without paying, perhaps he shouldn’t leave restaurants without paying.”

“I’ve never read the relevant legal statutes, but I suspect there’s no birthday exception.”

“NTA” – BigBayesian

“Who even does that? Going to a fancy restaurant and ordering the most expensive steak and simply expecting their 18 SO to pay?”

“I grew up middle class, and as I was young, I didn’t have that kind of money plus a gift.” – CakeEatingRabbit

“The whole dine and dash thing he can fix. He just needs to go back to the restaurant. Tell them it was an emergency/mistake and pay for it.”

“I have walked out of places before when I thought I had paid or someone else has and gone back when I realized. It’s always been fine.” – GiovanniVanBroekhoes

“ESH. This was a predictable problem because it is the norm to pay for someone’s meal on their birthday.”

“I admire your position and desire to hold true to your principles. But didn’t it occur to you before you went out that he might expect you to pay?”

“If your principles are so strong, why date a guy who eats meat when you know there will be occasions in life when you pay for the food? Does he dictate what you can eat when he pays?”

“If not, then this situation must seem unfair to him.”

“He’s the AH for obvious reasons” – Soiree1999

“I am going to be downvoted going against the grain but yes YTA. You took your partner out to a restaurant for their birthday – that’s a celebration, and 99/100 times a gift.”

“You should have made it clear that his birthday is no exception to the rule.”

“Then he got upset and walked away, and instead of being empathetic or even paying upfront so he could pay you back, you just left without paying at all and told your upset bf to go back in there and pay for his steak.”


“Edit after rereading: I should have said ESH since he screamed at you. You two better break up.”

“Edit 2: getting lots of comments that I’m an unapologetic meat lover, but I am vegetarian.” – redditrabbit13


“Usually yes, your partner will buy your meal for your birthday, but he was fully aware of this boundary you had and that you wouldn’t buy meat.”

“Yet he still chose to order an expensive meat meal and expected you to pay. That’s his own fault.”

“I also think it’s a bit douchey just to expect someone to buy the most expensive meal on the menu that you can’t even afford.”

“Especially at 18, most 18yo isn’t financially stable, and an expensive meal can really be a lot to spend.”

“The even bigger red flag is the way he acted afterward. Throwing a fit and leaving the restaurant like that isn’t ok.”

“You shouldn’t be with someone who thinks it’s ok to treat you like that.” – ur_mom9021

“I know everyone is saying NTA, but I think in this instance, YTA.”

“I understand your moral stance on this, but as someone who dated a vegetarian, I’ve just never had this issue on dates or heard others have this situation.”

“We would evenly split the bill, and for our birthdays, we’d pay each other.”

“You’re very entitled to your morals and beliefs, of course, but it seems you’re a no-nonsense vegetarian.”

“I think for your benefit, you really need to be dating a vegetarian or your future relationships are going to look toxic af.”

“I’d be tired as hell dealing with someone like this constantly, especially in the future with marriage and cooking and all…and not to mention kids and what they’ll eat.” – Psychological_Ask578

Maybe this couple should split more than just the check.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)