Not everyone has the privilege of sharing family heirlooms and family traditions.
But some people are so desperate to feel “involved,” they show an ugly side when inquiring about a possible heirloom, especially when it’s not ready to be given, side-eyed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor bluesjean had been a widow for the past ten years and still had a few things that her sentimental from her marriage, including her late husband’s wedding ring.
She was taken aback when her future daughter-in-law inquired about receiving the ring, but the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when the family was dismissive of her feelings about the ring and said reminiscing about her marriage was just “living in the past.”
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to let my daughter-in-law (DIL) take my late husband’s wedding ring?”
The OP was sentimental about some of her late husband’s things, especially his wedding ring.
“I’m a widow in my 60s. My husband passed away 10 years ago, and I’ve kept his wedding ring in a little box with some of his things.”
“It’s nothing fancy, just a plain gold band, but it’s one of the few things I still have that feels like him.”
“Sometimes, when I miss him, I take it out and hold it. It’s been a real comfort over the years.”
The OP’s daughter-in-law’s fixation on the ring was uncomfortable for her.
“My daughter-in-law (DIL), Jenna, has always commented on the ring when she visits.”
“She’ll say things like, ‘It’s so timeless,’ or, ‘I’d love to wear something with that kind of history.’”
“I thought she was just being nice, but last week, she came right out and asked if she could borrow it for a while.”
“I didn’t really know how to respond at first.”
“She said wearing it would help her feel closer to the family and honor my husband.”
“I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that. The ring is so personal to me. It’s not just something you loan out; it’s a part of my memories with him.”
Jenna lashed out when she didn’t get what she wanted.
“But Jenna didn’t seem to understand. She got upset and said she didn’t think I trusted her and that I was being selfish for keeping something so meaningful to our family locked away.”
“She even said it would mean more to her to wear it than for me to just keep it in a box.”
“My son didn’t really say much at the time, but later, I got a text from Jenna. It was long and emotional.”
“She said she was hurt, that I was treating her like an outsider, and that maybe I was ‘too stuck in the past’ to see how much this would mean to her.”
“She even hinted that I was being controlling, which honestly broke my heart.”
The OP was surprised by the rest of the family’s reaction, as well.
“Now, some other family members are saying I’m overreacting and that it’s just a ring.”
“But it doesn’t feel that way to me. My husband and I were married for 35 years. That ring has been with me through everything: good times, bad times, and raising our kids.”
“I don’t want to sound dramatic, but it feels like a piece of him is still with me. I can’t imagine letting it out of my sight.”
“I’m starting to wonder if I’m being unreasonable, though. Jenna seems to think I’m trying to shut her out, and the last thing I want is to cause tension in the family. I don’t know if I should apologize or stick to my decision.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some didn’t understand Jenna’s fixation on the wedding ring of someone she’d never met.
“She’s not even related to your husband?”
“Like, if it was a child requesting it, I could see that. But it’s her father-in-law’s wedding ring? Who I’m assuming she’s never even met, unless she and your son have dated for a really long time?”
“Lol (laughing out loud), she can get f**ked, honestly. She has zero claim to it, let alone to cause drama amongst the family about it. NTA.” – BulbasaurRanch
“The only person other than you who might have even a portion of the sentimental attachment to the ring would be your son, assuming it was his father’s wedding ring.”
“And your DIL isn’t even asking for the ring because her husband wants it, that I could understand. She’s asking for herself, and that’s just weird.” – mara-jayne
“NTA. It’s your husband’s wedding ring. You have every right to decide if you lend it or not.”
“And I’m not even sure the ring would fit her. If you lent it to her, she could try to get it resized to fit her, and that’s irreversible.” – Aledraws5
“She saw your late husband’s wedding ring and thought, ‘Mine… mine… mine…’ because… why?”
“Unless she’s Gollum from ‘Lord of the Rings,’ and it’s a MAGIC ring, this makes no sense.”
“‘Not everything belongs to you’ is a kindergarten-level concept.”
“Is it too late for your son to return her? Is the warranty expired?”
“NTA.” – Ok_Stable7501
“She is weird. When my former mother-in-law passed, another daughter-in-law in the family immediately asked the four sisters for some jewelry she wanted. They all told her to get f**ked.”
“It would be one thing if the son asked for the ring because HIS son was grown and getting married, kind of like passing down a grandmother’s wedding ring to the granddaughter, but a daughter-in-law asking for the father-in-law’s ring is wild.”
“And nobody should be giving OP any crap about it! NTA.” – Pnknlvr96
“NTA. Jenna certainly is entitled, huh? It’s really weird that the daughter-IN-LAW wants a man’s ring, not the son.”
“You need to shut her down. I absolutely cannot imagine having the selfish balls (or stupidity) to ask a widowed parent-in-law for something so personal and then to expect backup from the rest of the family.” – FloMoJoeBlow
Others agreed and couldn’t empathize with the DIL or the rest of the family.
“What the f**k!? Who are these family members saying your late husband’s WEDDING RING is just another piece of jewelry? That’s bananas.”
“NTA, but your DIL and any family members encouraging this lunacy is.”
“She was wildly out of line to ask for the ring. This is crazy. Even if it was your son/his son asking, that would be iffy and totally reasonable to say no. The wedding ring was a special symbol between you and your husband. No one else.”
“This is wild.”
“Also, if the ring isn’t that big of a deal, then it’s not a big deal to wear it. Can’t have it both ways to those saying it’s not a big deal.”
“I’d say something like, ‘DIL, while I appreciate that you want to form stronger bonds with our family, this isn’t the way to do it. That ring isn’t something I would ever loan out or give to anyone else. It is a symbol of my 35-year marriage to the love of my life. It was inappropriate for you to ask for it in the first place and wildly inappropriate for you to react this way to me saying no.'”
“I really can’t believe this even has to be said. D**n. Also, I would hide the ring when she or your son are over. Or wear it.” – FrontTour1583
“What an entitled brat. She has no right to ask that of you. It actually makes me feel angry that she would try to guilt trip you over something that is none of her business.” – GovernmentBusiness
“To be honest, a wedding ring isn’t special to a family, it’s special to the couple that committed their lives to each other. That ring is a keepsake of everything you built together. My parents’ rings are meaningful to me, but certainly not more meaningful than the rings are to them!”
“Your daughter-in-law is being an AH and very uncaring. I actually thought this post was going to be your DIL asking for it to give to your son when they get married. Maybe you could talk to your son and ask him to handle it. Do you have other kids that could talk to her?”
“Don’t let go of his ring, OP, and keep standing your ground.” – Fox_Forest000
“NTA. Jenna is mad that you won’t give her what she wants, and she’s getting the rest of the family involved. This is a petty power play. Jenna is your DIL… She’s not even a daughter, and she still wants your wedding ring?”
“I’d double down and tell her that the ring is yours and brings you comfort. If she keeps acting like this, you’ll be wearing that ring when they bury you.” – beek_r
“NTA, but Jenna has a screw loose, as does anyone else who thinks she should get your HUSBAND’s, not her father’s, wedding ring.”
“Also, if everyone’s so convinced that it’s ‘just a ring,’ maybe THEY should stop being so stuck in the past and go buy ‘just another ring’ instead.” – Lacroix24601
The subReddit couldn’t help but side-eye Jenna and the rest of the family for being so dismissive of the OP’s feelings, late marriage, and sentimental objects that represented the life she once had.
If it was so unimportant for the OP to keep the wedding ring and to preserve her husband’s family, it hardly made sense for Jenna to be so fixated on it when she could start new memories with a new ring.