We’ve all heard sayings – at least one of the many – about what the people you hang out with says about you.
“You are the sum of who you surround yourself with,” or, “The people you surround yourself with are an extension of your energy, beliefs, goals, etc…” or a loose version somewhere in between.
So, it’s kind of tough to ignore when someone you love – you know, like a spouse – knowingly accompanies a friend on “cheating” vacations.
A guy on Reddit is furious that his wife has agreed to such a girls trip, so he turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Hairy-Union-7654 asked:
“AITAH for being very upset that my wife is helping her friend cheat on her husband?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“A while ago, my wife and her friend went on a weekend trip, which seemed fine.”
“Turns out, the friend didn’t really want to go on the trip, she was meeting a guy (‘her best friend, her soulmate’).”
“Apparently, these two have been messaging each other for years.”
“My wife didn’t know this, but obviously found out about it, and told me, but she just ignored it because it wasn’t our business, we didn’t tell the husband.”
“It was a weird, wtf, kind of thing. I do not know the husband at all, i barely know this friend.”
“I was thinking ‘not my circus, not my monkeys.'”
“SO HERE’S THE THING.”
“The friend asked my wife to go on another trip, and that she will pay (probably about $3k) for the sole purpose of cheating on her husband again.”
“My wife was gleefully ecstatic about going on a free trip.”
“She will be the alibi for her friend cheating.”
“AITAH for being outraged, feeling betrayed, feeling that our marriage is a f**king joke, and frankly wanting to end it.”
“If her and ‘the girls’ make such a farce of marriage, and help each other out and cover for each other cheating, wtf is our marriage?”
“I am seriously considering telling my wife that she can make her own decisions, but they have consequences.”
“And when she returns for the f**k fest cheating weekend, the locks will be changed and the divorce papers will be pinned to the front door.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and declared OP was not the a**hole (NTA), with many agreeing that his wife aiding and abetting an affair is just as wrong as doing it herself… that is, if she hasn’t already.
“NTA”
“Ask your wife if you were cheating, would she want people to tell her?” – RaddishSlaw
“My friend, you know your wife is happy to facilitate cheating and that says a lot about her and none of it is good.”
“If you continue to trust your wife would never cheat on you then you are thicker than mattress baguette NTA” – FruitcakeAndCrumb
“NTA”
“Divorce her.”
“If she would assist someone else cheating, you can bet she would have no problem asking her friend to do the same for her.” – BlueGreen_1956
“She will cheat on you on her free trip.”
“After all her friend is doing it without conséquence so why bother being loyale?”
“NTA” – I_ship_it07
“Sorry, but your wife has already cheated on you or is planning to on this next trip.”
“Her openly talking about her friend is gagging your reaction.”
“If you are okay with her friend cheating the wife’s math’s is you won’t pull the pin if she does the same.”
“Let her go and when she returns, wait for the conversation on O/M.”
“Or take the hit now and free yourself.” – Stay_sharp101
“Ya dude lol.”
“The old Chinese saying… ‘if they will cheat with you they will cheat on you'”
“1000000% your wife is cheating on you too.”
“This is likely her way of soft-telling you / rationalizing it / warming the waters.”
“Your wife’s participation in all of this already shows you that she doesn’t value marriage and allows low-integrity people in her life.”
“Hell you didn’t even care about the first time. You kept that secret, too.”
“You allowed yourself to allow this behavior.”
“It’s called conditioning. And all you will do is delay the inevitable.”
“You will continue to live with stress, paranoia, and misery.”
“Just get it over with.”
“The most valuable asset anyone has is time… and you are choosing to waste yours every. Single. Day.” – LegalStatistician172
“If she is ok with the friend doing it then she is ok with cheating.. period!!”
“Who is to say they aren’t in this together.”
“Both of them could be cheating maybe he has a friend.”
“Maybe the other wife is saying the same thing to her husband.”
“How would you know?”
“She obviously is ok with lying to the friend’s husband about his wife, if the topic ever came up she would cover for the friend, she could be doing the same thing to you.”
“Ask her if you can go along with them you need some time away and you could just pay for you since the friend is paying for the two of them.”
“Or just book a trip without her knowing and surprise them there.” – First_Assignment9773
“NTA. My ex-wife cheated on me non-stop.”
“People knew, but they didn’t facilitate it. Your wife is the AH.”
“Plot twist… Your wife is the one cheating and using her friend as the alibi.”
“I’m not saying that’s what is happening, but it’s certainly a possibility.” – chzeman
“At this point, even if your wife chooses not to go on the trip, you now know that she was gleefully ecstatic about it in the first place.”
“‘It’ = being an alibi for her friend to cheat more than once.”
“I feel like the damage is completely already done.”
“The blinders are fully off, and you can see your wife for what/who she is. Not good. Also, NTA.” – Complete-Design5395
“NTA – but it’s very telling of your wife’s character that she would even want to go on a trip like this.”
“I’d be suspect of her if I were you and would tell the friend’s husband about it.”
“Not your circus, yes, but your monkey is about to make it yours.” – Comfortable_Log_4128
“I’d say it’s about an 80% chance your wife is also f*cking other guys.”
“Especially when covering for her friend.”
“The friend needs something in return to ensure she’ll keep silent. ‘What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'”
“Tell her straight out.”
“I appreciate you being honest about your friend cheating, BUT she’s a bad influence, and IT IS AFFECTING OUR MARRIAGE.”
“Put it on her to decide who or what is more important, your marriage or BFF??”
“THIS WILL GIVE YOU YOUR ANSWER AS TO WHAT YOUR WIFE IS UP TO!!!” – IntentionUsed8474
“NTA. It is one thing to not rat out a friend for cheating (but still not good), but actively facilitating an affair is messed up.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if this trip is actually a couples vacation for both women and their boyfriends.”
“Or if your wife and her friend are hooking up” – professorfunkenpunk
Many also urged OP to tell the friend’s husband what was going on.
“Yup, 💯.”
“Also tell the husband. Now.”
“Cheaters suck, and people abet them are just as bad.” – cthulularoo
“Bro, listen here!”
“F**king expose her friend now, send that husband an anonymous text, letter, email, whatever, just get it done.”
“Secondly, watch your wife closely. She can’t be trusted either.”
“Years ago, my wife wasn’t helping a friend cheat, but her/our friend was confiding in her.”
“When my wife told me, she made me swear not to say anything to our friend’s husband.”
“At the time, I reluctantly didn’t tell him because we were newly married ourselves, and well, I was still whipped.”
“Fast forward a few years, and I catch my wife trying to cheat on me.”
“She defended her friend’s behavior back then because truthfully, she herself was not only ok with it but capable and willing to do the same.”
“That was over 12 years ago, and to this day, I still feel guilty for never telling my friend what his wife was up to.”
“Sorry to say but your wife can no longer be trusted with absolute certainty, take my advice or not.”
“Been there and learned the hard way.” – norcalfit
“NTA”
“Question.. while your wife’s friend is f**king her side piece… what – or who – is your wife doing??”
“Tell the guy.. and don’t warn your wife that you’re doing it..”
“If I had a spouse with the morals yours seem to have, I would be VERY concerned about the true state of MY relationship…” – clearheaded01
“NTA. Definitely tell the husband.”
“Sorry to say it, but you married a loser.” – Icy_Bath_1170
According to his fellow Redditors, OP has every right to feel the way he does.
Perhaps he should take some of their advice and have a tough conversation with his wife so she knows where he stands on the matter.