When a marriage ends, it’s nearly impossible for a person to distance themselves from their ex, especially when there are children involved.
Still, people who are divorced try to do the best they can to steer clear of drama.
This wasn’t the case for our Redditor, who just celebrated a birthday and received an unexpected gift, which unfortunately became a point of contention prompting an ugly confrontation.
Her response to an unexpected encounter led her to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit where she sought judgment from strangers online.
Redditor Known_Pirate2302 asked:
“AITA for telling my ex’s wife to mind her own f’king business when she confronted me in public over my ex’s mom giving me a gift for my 30th birthday?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
I (30 f[female]) celebrated my birthday recently and my ex’s mom stopped by to give me a very nice birthday gift.”
“Ex and I have been divorced for 6 years but we have two kids together aged 11 and 9 so it was unexpected.”
“I got along really well with his family when we were together and we’re still friendly when we see each other but we were never close.”
“When ex’s mom showed up with the gift she explained she wished we’d stayed in touch more and she wanted to honor the mother of her grandchildren and she wanted to show appreciation for all I’ve done.”
“It was sweet and we spoke for a little while. The gift was sentimental in nature which made extra special to me.”
The OP continued:
“It was a lovely gesture and I never expected it to cause any trouble but it did with my ex’s wife. She confronted me in Target a week ago and started cursing and yelling at me for intruding in my ex’s family.”
“She told me the only reason ex’s mom would get me a gift is because I’m trying to keep my claws in ex’s family instead of accepting I’m an ex.”
“She demanded I give the gift to her or return it to ex’s mom and refuse to accept anything in the future. I told her to leave me alone and I walked away.”
“She approached me again as I was heading to pay. I tried to go around her but she put her hand on the cart and told me I wasn’t walking away from her again and I would stop being so meddlesome and stop trying to push her out of her family.”
“She told me I was nasty accepting a gift from ex’s mom and I had no business allowing something like that.”
“I interrupted her when she started to attract some attention and I told her to mind her own f’king business and stay away from me because we have no reason to talk. I paid for my stuff and left before she could confront me again.”
The conflict got more dramatic when she got home.
“The encounter pissed me off but I was going to let it go. Then ex started texting me later in the week and he told me I needed to apologize to his wife because she’s the stepmom to our kids and I shouldn’t be treating her that way.”
“I replied that I did not appreciate her behavior toward me in public and I would not be replying further. He told me I just needed to apologize and I was out of order treating her like she was wrong to have her own feelings on this. He said I had damaged the co-parenting relationship between myself and them.”
“I know I could have ignored her. But I know apologizing won’t fix anything because I still have and wear the gift, which was a mother charm bracelet.”
“Ex’s wife will insist I need to return or dispose of it to let this go. And I don’t think I’m wrong for accepting it. I can accept I may have been wrong for speaking to her that way though. So AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“She’s allowed to have her feelings. What she is not allowed to do is tell OP what she will, and will not, do.”
“I have to wonder why your ex’s wife is feeling so insecure, what is happening in that relationship.”
“You having a positive relationship with your kids grandparents is a boon for all concerned, mainly your kids. Don’t let her disrupt that.”
“NTA.” – lapsteelguitar
“NTA. The woman went full batsh*t crazy in public. I wish OP had filmed it.”
“Her ex is no better for demanding that OP apologize to his bitter wife when OP was just defending herself from that heinous and uncouth public attack.” – FleeshaLoo
“Honestly if someone accosted me in public like that harridan, I’d have been yelling for Security at the top of my lungs. New wife wants to make a scene, I’d for sure show her how it’s done. And press charges if it came to that. 😎” – Over_Cranberry1365
“NTA. She straight-up lost it in public…wish OP had caught that meltdown on camera. And the ex backing her demands? Nah, defending yourself against her wild, trashy behavior is 100% justified.” – gibson64n
“The gift was a kind gesture from her ex’s mom and had nothing to do with her ex’s wife…… She shouldn’t have to apologize for accepting it or for defending herself when SHE acted inappropriately.” – rossimoses
“How much do you want to bet that the mother-in-law doesn’t like the wife as much as the ex? (Or at least that’s how the wife sees it…) That’s probably why she feels so insecure that it’d driver her to assault someone in public. I’ll bet the husband doesn’t know the truth about the situation either… The wife probably told him lies to make herself look better because that is absolutely unhinged behavior…”
“And did the wife just so happen to run into the ex??… And how did the ex find out about the gift?? Did the mil mention it to her?? Was it innocently or to purposely upset her because she doesn’t like her?”
“I’d be interested in OP asking ex-mil how the wife found out and if she had any inkling that the wife was feeling insecure. Because the insecurity doesn’t seem like it’s just with OP but with the MIL too… And bonus points… Maybe MIL can talk some sense into her son enabling such crazy behavior.” – UsefulAd4231
“NTA the exs wife was out of line abs it non of her business what his mother does. And as for your ex he needs to grow a pair and tell her to butt iut. I’m sorry you have to deal with this situation I hope you update.” – Novel_Feed_9095
“I personally would block them both and only communicate with your ex through text and ONLY about your children. I would also tell him that the problems in his marriage and their relationship with his mom are their problems, and his wife’s insecurities and jealousy are not your problem.”
“YOU will not allow his wife or him or anyone for that matter, berate, and yell at you and tell you who you can and can’t be friends with and you will NOT be apologizing to anyone.” – biteme717
“NTA. I can’t believe she confronted u in Target like that. That’s so embarrassing and aggressive. You were totally justified in telling her to back off. Its ur relationship with his mom, not hers, and she needs to stay in her lane.” – Hazelspringg
“That lady is out of control. I’m positive she told a highly skewed/edited recreation to your ex. Maybe ask Target for the video and use it for a restraining order. I would let ex know you are highly concerned about his wife’s emotional stability and maybe you need to revisit the custody arrangements for your children’s safety. Just to get his attention that his wife is truly batty.” – LobabyChick
“Your ex’s wife is lying to people about what happened. Frankly, if you can file a police case against her you should do so. Assault in most places is just acting in a threatening way, it doesn’t require physical contact of any sort, and she crossed the line with confronting you multiple times and interfering with you leaving.”
“NTA.” – HarveySnake
“NTA That lady damn near assaulted and tried to detain you in public. You have every right. You had a right to call security, too. She’s lucky you let her get off easy.”
“I’m guessing the new wife isn’t a favorite of her new in-laws. Don’t let her bully you. Your ex-MIL is allowed to have a relationship with the mother of her grandkids.” – RedneckDebutante
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was entitled to keep the gift meant for her.
They also thought the ex’s new wife’s vitriolic display at Target was unacceptable and may have stemmed from major insecurities about her relationship to the mother-in-law or the marriage.