It’s no secret that some families-in-law do not get along, but some of them make those tough relationships much more obvious than others.
Some, you might say, can be quite hostile, as seen on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Throwawaydinner344 had always felt excluded by her mother-in-law, and her husband wasn’t exactly helping the situation.
But when the two of them tried to send her home from a dinner celebration, the Original Poster (OP) decided it was time to stand up for herself.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for getting an entire table for myself after my husband and his mom didn’t save me a seat?”
The OP often didn’t feel welcome in her husband’s family.
“I (32 Female) have been with my husband Bob (39 Male) for 3 years and married for 1 year.”
“His mom has a habit of keeping me out of most of their functions with the excuse of, ‘You work too much.'”
“But this is not true because sometimes I do make myself available, yet find myself excluded.”
But the OP recently felt even less included than usual.
“Last week, his mom invited us for a celebratory dinner at the restaurant after she completed her recovery.” I had to work that day, but I let her and everyone know that I’d be there at 8 PM.”
“Bob obviously knew I was coming.”
“The thing is, when I arrived at the restaurant, I saw that the table was full.”
“All chairs had been taken, and I just stood there with complete puzzlement while Bob and his mom just stared at me.”
“His mom then told me there was no place left for me and that I could either have Bob get up and take his seat or… go home.”
The OP decided to do something nice for herself instead.
“I was so upset, but instead of going home, I just went and asked for an entire table for myself.”
“Bob and his mom watched with their eyes popping out of their heads like they saw something so shocking.”
“NGL (not gonna lie), I did get weird looks from the guests, but so did Bob and his mom. It was awkward in all honesty.”
“I had my dinner and dessert, and then went home.”
“I saw Bob and his mom staring at me while I was making my way out.”
The OP had a big argument with her husband.
“He got home an hour later and yelled, saying I embarrassed his mom in front of her guests.”
“I yelled, asking what the f**k was I supposed to do after I got denied a seat?”
“He told me that it wasn’t his nor his mom’s fault guests arrived ‘before’ me and took all the available chairs.”
“I told him he could’ve saved me a chair!”
“He said that I could’ve just left instead, and he reminded me that I was a ‘guest,’ and that I shouldn’t expect this level of entitlement to be ‘accepted.'”
“He then went on about how I ruined the entire dinner for him and his mom with what I did.”
The OP felt conflicted.
“He has been pouting about it for days now.”
“I don’t get it. I really don’t.”
“Was my expectation really that entitled? I mean, as his wife, he should’ve saved me a seat.”
“But clearly, I’m missing something here.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some openly questioned the quality of the OP’s married life.
“NTA. OP, is this level of disrespect really what you want for the next 20 years?” – NanaLeonie
“NTA. They clearly excluded you and didn’t help you get accommodated.”
“This isn’t some stranger; this is your husband, who had you eat dinner alone, and then blamed you for what he did.” – Not-A-SoggyBagel
“It’s the fact that OP’s husband was openly and publicly neglectful of her, and then yelled at her, and then victim-blamed her, and then pouted for days, for me.”
“Holy s**tstorm! He is being her enemy, not her teammate, and certainly not her champion. He is her ENEMY on the team against her with his mother!” – HighAltitude88008
“When I got to the part about Bob and his mom staring at her. I was shocked when she got her own table. I literally had to scroll back up to double-check that Bob was in fact her damn husband!”
“I don’t care if she was 20 minutes late or hadn’t come to a family event in over a year, she said she would be there (so essentially she RSVP’d), and her husband had no problem giving up her chair, but then also expecting her to go home because there ‘wasn’t room?'”
“Why didn’t he call her when these other guests showed up and all the chairs were taken?”
“When he didn’t offer to go home with her. I was once again shocked. I would be mortified if I showed up at a restaurant to meet a group, and while everyone was staring at me, I had to decide if I was staying or not.”
“Now I don’t know what kind of restaurant this is, but I’m shocked that their server didn’t offer to combine another table to make more room? Or rearrange the layout and add another chair? (Also, this is something the husband should have done!)” – SaltyWitch1393
“Honestly, I had to read the whole thing 3 times just to process what I was reading. This man doesn’t need to get a mistress, he already has his mom.”
“The level of disrespect towards his own wife left my jaw dropped, and I really thought I couldn’t be surprised anymore by Reddit.”
“‘You shouldn’t expect…’ Yes, yes, OP should expect some level of decent behavior and respect from her mother-in-law. They are married. You don’t exclude your own child’s wife.”
“I don’t just jump to divorce, but I can’t imagine any level of couple therapy can save this marriage if husband is that big of a mama’s boy.” – Dangerous-WinterElf
“NTA. I went through this type of treatment for years. It is emotional and psychological abuse. You absolutely did the right thing. Honestly, you should take a long hard look at how you’re being treated.”
“I fought for years to be treated with respect. It didn’t come until right before my marriage got to the point of papers being filed. I didn’t understand it, but she finally realized that I was being mistreated and told me to not allow him to destroy my family as his father did hers.”
“It was too little too late. I shouldn’t have taken the disrespect as long as I had.”
“You shouldn’t allow this to continue. Your husband should have your back and be supporting you as his immediate family, his wife. His first allegiance should be to you. If he can’t understand this, he doesn’t respect you.” – Sunshine_15
Others confirmed the OP was clearly being excluded from the family, and possibly gaslit, too:
“MIL could have reserved a table for all the people she invited, including OP? Then there would have been enough chairs, to begin with.”
“To me, this sounds like she had planned this exactly to be like this in advance, knowing OP would be later.” – Malorean_Teacosy
“This is so f**king bizarre. I’ve never heard of someone playing musical chairs with their dinner guests. ‘Got a table for 8, and I’m inviting 10 of you! The last two losers are out and need to go back home!’ Like, what?” – Avarynne
“My boyfriend would have given me his chair while his parents asked for another chair/table to be added where everyone is sitting, and in fact, that has been the case on a few occasions already.”
“They (husband and MIL) just didn’t want her there, plain and simple.” – pau48
“Sounds like deliberate bullying and they were pissed when she took her power back.”
“So many ways her husband f**ked up here. Didn’t offer her his seat, didn’t save her a seat, didn’t offer to sit with her, didn’t offer to drive home with her.”
“He stared at her in shock because she had the AUDACITY to sit down and eat dinner when she was invited someplace?”
“Something is weird with him and his mom, it sounds like they enjoy abusing OP.” – Sarcastic-ab*rtion
“I’ve gone to dinners/events where there haven’t been enough seats and the host has always arranged to make room for me.”
“Your husband and MIL are purposely excluding you.” – lulu-52
“Absolutely, it’s intentional. Grabbing an extra chair wouldn’t be hard.”
“The mom let everyone know where they were going, but then made it a point to not let her at the table, and expected her to leave.”
“She didn’t take the disrespect and stayed, and they got p**sed. Their plan to get rid of you for this celebration, and embarrass you, didn’t work. And OP has been excluded from previous outings on multiple occasions. This isn’t an accident.”
“We may be missing something, but based just on the mom’s behavior, NTA. She and the OP’s husband are intentionally leaving you out for some reason. Maybe they just don’t like you or hubby won’t stand up for you, I don’t know. Either way, it needs to be sorted out if this is going to last.” – elly996
The subReddit was all at once appalled by the treatment the OP had received from her husband and mother-in-law, but they celebrated her standing up for herself and still having a nice meal.
This was a clear example of not only knowing that she deserved better, but treating herself to something good when the people who should have loved her the most didn’t.