When a new couple designs and decorates their first home together, something they don't always consider is how child-friendly their home is.
Indeed, when children enter the picture, they swiftly need to adjust certain areas and replace breakable items.
Most of the time, this isn't an issue for couples who don't plan on having children.
That doesn't mean that young children will never set foot in their homes, however.
"Baby proofed" or not.
Redditor Exact_Income1427 and her husband were more than happy to live their child-free life.
However, upon learning they were expecting a young visitor, the original poster (OP) felt some changes would need to be made in their living arrangements.
Changes the OP's husband did not appreciate one bit.
Concerned she may have stepped out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for doing childproofing for my in-laws visit?"
The OP explained why their husband was less than pleased by her decision to baby-proof their home ahead of a family visit:
"I am at 26 (F[emale]) and my husband is 29 (M[ale])."
"We have been married for 5 years, and we moved to Berlin right after marriage since we both found really well-paying jobs."
"Meanwhile both of our families (parents, siblings etc) still live back in Greece and we usually visit back occasionally."
"Now me and my husband don't have any children and we don't plan to have any."
"We enjoy buying expensive things and experiencing things we never got to as children such as nice furniture in our home, going to exotic restaurants with friends, travel, hobbies and generally just our lives with each other exactly the way it is."
"But that's just how my husband thinks."
"His family is very traditional, and every married couple has at least one kid."
"This time my husband invited my BIL and SIL to visit us with their 3 year old son for 2 weeks."
"This would be the first time they've traveled with their son and the first time we would be hosting our nephew at our home."
"Now our nephew is known to be going through the terrible twos and has been throwing tantrums and breaking things lately, so I did some childproofing in our home a day before my in-laws were due to arrive."
"I removed all the glass and ceramic decor."
"I swapped out our linen tablecloth for a plastic one."
"I locked up our intoxication devices."
"I also covered our sofas with plush fabric (our sofa is made of white cashmere) because our nephew likes to snack while watching TV, and we can always take the sofa outside to dust off food crumbs."
"I also changed my maid's schedule to come in 5 days a week instead of 3 so she can help prep breakfast and make sure the house is tidy."
"However, when my husband saw all of my changes, he kind of got upset."
"He told me he felt that I was preparing our house as if we were hosting messy and uncivilized people."
"And asked me why I don't make these changes when our friends in Berlin who have kids come over for dinner."
"He also said that he's never seen our friends make these sort of changes in their own home for their kids."
"I don't understand this comparison at all."
"Coming over for dinner for 3 hours and staying at a place for a couple of weeks is very different."
"And we've visited our in-laws enough to see how chaotic their home can get to where my BIL and SIL keep mostly plastic items in their homes for convenience."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for baby-proofing her home.
Everyone was confused by the reaction of the OP's husband, agreeing that she was thinking of the best interests of everyone by baby-proofing their home ahead of their in-laws' visit:
"NTA."
"Instead of worrying the entire visit that their kid could ruin something expensive, the visiting parents can rest assured that the space has been child-proofed."
"As long as all the changes don't make the space uncomfortable (e.g. squeaky plastic couch covers or all decor being hidden so the place is bare), I think it makes a lot of sense."
"You are making the visit less stressful for everyone!"- TulipAfternoon
"NTA."
"It seems like you are taking steps to make your in-laws feel more comfortable and less stressed about their toddler's behavior in your home."
"You have protected your belongings to some extent and if Toddler spills something, no one will have to be stressed or worried about it."
"Some people child-proof everything in their homes; others don't do it at all."
"I think it depends a lot on the child in question."
"My sister's eldest obeyed implicitly when he was young, to stay out of things he wasn't supposed to touch, and they never had to childproof anything."
"His younger brother, however, would immediately get into whatever they told him not to touch."
"He would stick his fingers into light sockets, spill his food all over the table and himself, run into things and knock furniture over, and he was a delightful child in spite of this, but they did have to childproof their house after he came along."
"I don't get why your husband is upset you did this."
"You are right that a few hours of tightly-controlled parental supervision is a different thing than a two-week visit."
"Your in-laws and also your nephew will probably enjoy the visit so much more because they won't be worried about breaking things or spills on the couch."
"Hopefully, they will keep their child occupied and safe during the visit, but you have made it much easier for them to do so."
"Your husband is wrong to assume that because some people don't childproof their homes, that no one should have to do so."
"Again, it depends on the personality and activity level of the child or children in question, and it isn't a philosophy of parenting thing so much as it is a stress and worry reducing thing."
"Keep your home childproofed for the visit, it's by far the easiest way to have a pleasant time with the in-laws."- LonelyOwl68
"NTA."
"He told me he felt that I was preparing our house as if we were hosting messy and uncivilized people."
"He's quoting the definition of a toddler here."- Horror-Reveal7618
"NTA."
"A child of three IS messy and uncivilized, that's normal."
"It's for the child's safety as well as protecting your property."
"Husband hasn't been paying attention to your friends who have kids."- Cangal39
"NTA."
'Your husband is so invested in FAMILY that he's failing to see the reality of having a 3-year-old living with you guys for 2 weeks."
"Just grow a spine and put your foot down and say that's how it's going to be."
"Then, when your chaotic nephew arrives, you can wait for him to admit that you were right."- Lisbei
The OP later returned with an update, sharing a subsequent conversation she had with her husband ahead of her in-laws' visit, as well as how things began when her in-laws finally arrived:
"My husband brought food from a restaurant I liked and told me he wanted to apologize."
"He told me he overreacted because he wasn't admitting to himself how different his brother is as a person ever since he became a dad and that his life is going in a very different direction with more financial hardships too, making him angry and helpless."
"He told me he misdirected his frustration at me and thought what I did was really nice, especially since he is finickier than I am."
"I tried my best to make him feel not guilty and responsible for the lives and decisions of other grown-ups."
"But I'm so relieved he came around on his own!"
"it's officially day 1 of the in-laws visit and my husband has now gone an extra step and put away most of the lamps in our house because they are glass and super dangerous for a toddler to be around (we have about 35 cos we hate ceiling lights)."
"When we picked up our in-laws from the airport and were driving them back nephew accidentally poured a bag of chips all over the back seat and floors mats."
"Everyone just laughed, but I know my husband was horrified inside, and now he's been vacuuming the backseat area for two hours now, lol."
"Oh, and in-laws SUPER appreciated our baby proofing."
It is confusing what got the OP's husband so riled up about her baby-proofing their home.
That she was going out of her way to ensure that none of their property was damaged?
Or that she wanted to ensure their nephew would remain unharmed during their visit?
Thankfully, that proved to be nothing to worry about, as it was simply a case of his emotions getting the better of him.
Perhaps next time they visit, he'll have the fortitude to baby-proof his car?
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.