Redditor AITAmakeup33 is a single makeup artist who prides herself on her makeup skills.
She was recently confronted with a dilemma after someone whom she called a “best friend of many years” had a special request on the occasion of her wedding.
Her response caused drama, which led her to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to ask a hypothetical “Would I Be the A**hole?” (WIBTA) question.
“WIBTA if I don’t attend my best friend’s wedding because she won’t let me wear makeup?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“I am the MOH [maid of honor] for my best friend of many years’ wedding. I’ve been breaking my back for months now, even taking time off work, to help her with planning and all the other things that go into a wedding.”
“To be clear, I do not want to or plan to end this friendship over this, I just don’t really know what to do.”
“For context: I am a makeup artist, I wear makeup everyday, and I am good at it. In my opinion (and as my friend had told me) I am significantly more attractive with makeup on, and in all honestly I lack confidence without it.”
“I also have a scar on my face that I hide with makeup, and am very insecure about. I bring this up because in the past, my friend has made MANY comments about my appearances and my makeup to men I’ve been interested in.”
“She says things like ‘you should see her without makeup’ when a guy expresses interest in me, or talks about how ‘it can be wiped away’ if a man calls me pretty/beautiful.”
“In the past, she has apologized for these comments saying she was just jealous I got more male attention than her, but the comments have continued, even recently during her engagement.”
“Personally I don’t think it’s true I get more male attention, given that she is getting married and I’m single, but people have made comments to her in the past calling her ‘the ugly friend’ (I disagree) so I partly understand this insecurity.”
“This morning, I woke up to a text from her thanking me for all my help these past months, and saying she had an important request for me: that I don’t wear any makeup to her wedding.”
“She says if I wear makeup I will ‘overshadow’ (her words) her at her own wedding and it would be unfair because she wants to feel like the most beautiful person in the room as the bride.”
“I told her that was ridiculous, it’s a wedding, everyone will be wearing makeup and I won’t look good or properly dressed up in the photos if I don’t.”
“I also offered to do more natural makeup and make sure hers was more bright/noticeable than mine (I’m doing her makeup free of charge). She turned this down and said I absolutely cannot wear makeup, it’s her wedding, a real friend would want her to have the perfect day, etc.”
“She accused me of wanting to take the attention from her on her special day, etc. She absolutely refuses to compromise, despite not being able to answer why I specifically can’t wear makeup but everyone else can…”
“I don’t think this is fair. She knows I’m not as confident without makeup on and won’t like how I look in the pictures.”
“She knows I have an (albeit minor) scar I’m not comfortable showing. She knows I’ll look out of place among everyone else who will definitely be made up…. But we’ve been discussing it all day and she won’t budge.”
“WIBTA if I just don’t go?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA: This person is not your friend. A friend wouldn’t put you down the way yours has been. Beauty is a construct and pretty is a set of skills or winning a genetic lotto.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong. Wearing makeup or not is a personal choice and no one should decide for you either way.” – Rtarara
“What you describe is not a friendship!”
“Hon, friends don’t tell guys that express interest that the pretty can be wiped away. Friends might share they are jealous or their opinions but don’t actively sabotage happiness or confidence.”
“Good riddance, you’ve given this person time and support. She’s aware of your insecurity with the scar. She’s not being a friend to anyone by demanding something like this on a day with multiple photographs.”
“Explain politely but firmly that it is your decision what does and doesn’t go on your face, including the day of her wedding. If she’s concerned about your makeup standing her up, that’s an insecurity she needs to address directly not attempt to control through controlling you.”
“NTA.” – purpleit11
“NTA and what why is this person still called your ‘best friend?’ The literal point of makeup is to alter one’s appearance. Telling you and love-interests your entire friendship that you’re ugly without makeup is absolutely disgusting and childish behavior.”
“I hope you find a better best friend. Best friends should lift each other up, especially on special days.”
“Personally I would never remain a MOH nor bridesmaid for someone who told me I couldn’t (wear makeup, show my tattoos, had to dye my hair, etc etc) at their wedding.”
“You can (try to) remain friends and just tell her you are not able to be part of her wedding. I expect SHE will likely end the friendship if you do, though, based on her behavior as described in the OP.” – m33chm
“NTA, and also,this person isn’t much of a friend, if they often belittle you and say mean things about you in general and to men in particular.”
“You don’t have to end the friendship, but you should really give some thought to how you are affected by allowing someone to treat you like garbage whenever it’s convenient for her or benefits her in some way.”
“Back out of the wedding and let her pay someone to do her makeup. She’s been this way for years without consequences so it’s not likely she’s going to change anytime soon, or change for her wedding.” – FakeVivisectionist
Overall, Redditors objected to what this friend requested of the OP and also suggested she really question her friendship.