A young woman on Reddit recently found her head spinning after her boyfriend made a concerning comment about their relationship.
The comment regarded the interracial nature of the relationship.
She is White and he is Black. And, as she assured in her post, that was never a big deal for the two of them. But when she found herself overhearing her boyfriend’s conversation with friends, the race dynamic took a front seat.
She felt confused and manipulated by what he said, so much that she explained the incident in the “Relationship Advice” subReddit.
ThrowRAConfusedGirly, as she’s known on Reddit, began the post with an assurance: the relationship was always remarkably strong.
“Let me start by saying my boyfriend has been the sweetest guy since we’ve been together the past seven months. The interracial bit – me being white, him black, had never been an issue.”
But while she spent the night at his place, some accidental eavesdropping yielded concerning results.
“Lately I’ve been sleeping over his apartment. I went to bed early two nights ago because I had a headache. His friends came over to hang out and I can hear the conversations in the living room through the bedroom door.”
“Well, during part of the conversation he said he was glad he ‘took one of their white girls.’ His friends called me a white conquest and he agreed.”
“I felt sick. I felt like I wasn’t his girlfriend but some kind of pawn.”
Aside from her clarity about how upset she felt, she didn’t know what to think or do. She asked the Reddit community flat out.
“But this is completely out of character for him. I have no idea what to do. I want to discuss with him but don’t know how I can even broach it without being sick.”
“Please any advice is really appreciated.”
Many Redditors emphasized that she is correct to feel concerned about his comments and motivations. These comments explained that the overheard moment should not be interpreted as a fluke or outlier to his character.
“You’re gonna have to approach it with him even if its uncomfortable because that’s something break up worthy.” — Bryanormike
“Umm… i’ve never called anybody i dated a “Conquest” anything.”
“This isn’t out of character for him, this is the character that he’s kept FROM you. When people show you who they are… believe them.” — BisquickNinja
“You have just been together seven months. So… sorry to tell you this, but he probably wasn’t acting “out of character”: Welcome to your boyfriends true personality.” — aylardyer
“The saying goes ‘When someone tells you who they are, listen the first time.’ This man is showing you exactly who he is. And it’s not anything positive. Get out while you can.”
“My aunt is married to an amazing black man, and I could never ever imagine those words out of his mouth. Because he truly loves her. This dude isn’t going to get there.” — ravenclawpoetry
” ‘Out of character’ only means that he’s been putting on an act and now you’re seeing the real him.” — AMerrickanGirl
Others engaged with the specifics of his motivations. They acknowledged that her fears about being used are legitimate.
“You’re being fetishized by him. Dump him and find a guy that’s actually decent.” — CShake420
“Sadly a lot of people are like that and only cultivate relationships to be with someone due to their race or ethnicity. Get out of that relationship, he sounds like a piece of crap” — Rainfall_
“Black guy here. You need to tell him that you’re not going to stand for him fetishizing the relationship and you personally as if you’re some play thing.”
“That’s warped thinking and extremely problematic. You’re not an object or a status symbol.” — coolkidfresh
And some comments expressed advise in far blunter terms.
“You’re a ‘f*** you’ to the white man. Sorry to break it to you.” — SpartanLife1
“You’re being used to pad his ego, gtfo” — LegoJuicebox
“He has no respect for you. Enough said.” — FormerlyTipsy
And so, if the Reddit peanut gallery holds any sway at all, her relationship is evidently on some seriously thin ice.