Doing housework is never fun.
And figuring out who does what can cause a bunch of drama in a relationship.
It can all be especially ornery with this new hybrid “work from home… work/life balance.”
It maybe time to get things in writing.
Case in point…
Redditor Visible-Reserve7554 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for saying that I can’t do any chores in December and following through?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 30) run a small online business from home.”
“November and December are my busiest time of the year when I make a lot of money that allows me to work less during the year.”
“I’ve been doing this since I was 25 so I’ve got a decent idea of what I can and cannot do.”
“And focusing on work only for 1-2 months is a sacrifice I’m willing to make for chill rest of the year.”
“This year, I’ve moved in with my boyfriend (M[ale] 35).”
“Well, technically he moved in with me because I own the house so it was a no brainier for him to move in with me.”
“We split chores half and half. He works full time (37.5 hours a week).”
“When he moved in, I had a talk with him letting him know that I can’t do any chores in November/December and asked if he could pick up the slack because I’m physically unable to do any chores as I can be working anything between 12-18 hours a day.”
“I take a full January off to decompress.”
“He said he doubted I worked that much but we will see.”
“I asked again in September and October to make sure he was aware that I won’t be doing anything (I meal prepped in advance) and I felt he kind of dismissed me.”
“Mid November, we had an argument about my chores not being done and I reminded him of what I told him.”
“He said that he thought I wasn’t being serious and told me there’s no way he’d do 100% of chores because he’s working too.”
“I said fine, don’t do my chores, they can wait until I have time.”
“That’s how it was when I lived alone, no problem, I don’t make much mess anyway.”
“He wasn’t happy but dropped it.”
“We haven’t seen each other much because I’ve been working so much but he’s been more and more pissed off and blew up at me today regarding the chores.”
“He said I had to have a better work life balance and to grow up because the house was a mess.”
“I told him if it was a mess it was his fault because I barely leave my office.”
“He called me a lazy b**ch.”
“I told him ok, but didn’t have time for arguing and went back working.”
“He stood in front of my locked office door shouting how he couldn’t believe I was being serious about not doing chores and it was an a**hole move to leave it all to him.”
“He thinks I’m a major a**hole for basically disappearing for 2 months and following through with not doing chores.”
“Sorry for any typos, I’m on mobile and my autocorrect hates me.”
“Am I really the a**hole for saying I won’t do chores and following through?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Someone who called me a lazy b**ch in MY house, wouldn’t be living in it much longer.” ~ Shadow_wolf82
“Especially before him living with OP reaches some sort of common law status (assuming that’s a thing there).”
“I would also contact a lawyer and check about local laws and maybe then even start to officially evict him.”
“He’s not going to change and he clearly is incapable of being a supporting and respectful partner.”
“OP, you deserve so much better!” ~ Alwaysaprairiegirl
“Babe, you own a house.”
“He doesn’t and thus had a default position of moving into your place.”
“He doesn’t respect the work that bought the house he’s now living in.”
“This is jealousy.”
“He isn’t chill with having to work a full time job year-round to still not do as well as you at accomplishing goals you both share.”
“He doesn’t respect you or your work because he’s jealous and has chosen to take that out on you rather than do the work of unpacking why and how this issue is ingrained into his worldview.”
“That is absolutely not your problem.”
“This is a great time to lay down some boundaries and then stick to them before this evolves into habitual abuse.”
“It is abusive, though we don’t have enough info to know if it’s a one-off trigger he needs to work on or part of a larger problem.”
“You will not be yelled at in your home.”
“You’re part of the housework is his for November and December because it has purchased the house he now enjoys living in without having made the same sacrifices and accomplishments that made that possible in the first place.
“He will work with a therapist on his anger management, building an appropriate interpersonal conflict toolkit, and coping skills for jealous and/or resentful behavior.
“If he can’t actually commit to all of that, or doesn’t follow through with concrete action in a reasonable (couple of weeks, not months or years) timeline, CUT YOUR LOSSES!!”
“Don’t fall victim to the Sunk Cost Fallacy.”
“That traps a lot of people in abusive and borderline abusive relationships, because it gives the other person the time and power they need to isolate their victim and create a habitual pattern of self-doubt.”
“They erode your sense of self, and your pride and respect in your own work.”
“Who you are and what you have accomplished is not up for debate, ever.”
“But especially not with someone who doesn’t even respect the fact that his comfort was bought with this exact sacrifice on your part over many years.” ~ trashlikeyourdata
“That part. Especially after op made it a move in conversation then repeatedly reminded him (and even meal prepped!?) to prepare him for the busy work months.”
“I’m sure that he benefits greatly in a multitude of ways that OP has a more relaxed work life throughout the year.”
“He is devaluing your work in your house, OP. NTA.” ~ Jenfosta
“Relationships are about helping each other to make life easier for everyone.”
“My work is project based and I can take on as much or as little as I want.”
“Rather than working steadily, I’ll have a couple weeks where I hit it really hard and make a lot of money, then I’ll back off for a couple months.”
“This means that I’m able to be a stay at home mom to our daughter so my husband can work and we don’t have to pay for childcare.”
“Then during those few weeks where I work a lot, my husband takes over with our kid.”
“OP laid it all out and prepared for her busy work time.”
“Her boyfriend is TA for not listening and then reacting so poorly.” ~ sheworksforfudge
“When you’re living with someone you need to be prepared for what their lifestyle entails.”
“My husband works nuclear and that includes 1-2 refueling outages a year where he’s spending 6-12 weeks working 72+ hours, 12 hour shifts, usually on nights.”
“I adjust accordingly!!”
“He makes a ton during this time and it’s worth it in the long run even though it sucks.”
“He works shift work during normal times of the year but again he gets a week off every 5 weeks and only works 7 nights during a 5 week cycle, and I swear the wives around us all complain about how their husbands miss ‘everything.'”
“They. Work. Shift. Work.”
“They’ve been at the same nuclear plant for TEN YEARS.”
“This has not changed. It’s part of this life.”
“We also know 6 couples actively going through a divorce that work out there though so take that as you will.”
“OP you are NTA and it sounds like your boyfriend is not prepared to deal with your career in the long run.”
“Some food for thought – do you really want to deal with the stress of your boyfriend being a complete a** on top of your most stressful time of the business year, every year?”
“I can’t imagine seeing my husband going through his crazy outage schedules and making his life even harder.” ~ erin_bex
“NTA.Wow. Your boyfriend is showing his true colors.
I know that right now you don’t have time to rearrange your life but once January comes around you should give yourself the gift of losing the deadbeat boyfriend.
“For what it’s worth, I’m married and both me and my husband have gone through times where we had to pick up the slack for each other for whatever reason.”
“And it’s not always a work reason, there could be health issues, the birth of a child, travel and a billion other things that come up.”
“Your boyfriend is showing you that he will throw a fit and call you names whenever he needs to support you.”
“This is bad. Really bad.”
“It should be a dealbreaker.” ~ veni_vidi_dixi
“Anyone who called me a lazy bi**ch for refusing to clean up their mess when I’m working 12-18 hour days would be out of my house so fast that the door would hit them on the way out.” ~ gringaellie
“OP warned him how many times?”
“He chose to be surprised and now he’s downright being TA.”
“She 100% should not put up with this in HER HOUSE. NTA.” ~ EmeraldBlueZen
Well OP, Reddit is with you, and concerned for you.
That is some strong language to level at a loved one.
It maybe time to have a long, hard look at this relationship before you go any further.