Resorting to name calling is never a wise idea.
Even when we are being sarcastic and not meaning any harm, the recipient of your ridicule might still find the name you are calling them hurtful or triggering.
That being said, the most frustrating thing about our emotions is, no matter how hard we may try, we never have complete control over them.
Leading us to say and do things we will deeply regret down the line.
Including name calling.
Redditor Ok_Garage5055 was growing increasingly frustrated by a fellow mother at her children’s school.
Specifically, owing to the fact that this mother accused the original poster (OP) of making up lies about her children.
When this same mother brought up this accusation at an open house, the OP finally couldn’t contain herself, throwing an insult at her accuser.
Multiple times.
After being told by her husband that she went too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for repeatedly calling someone stupid after they accused me of lying about my children’s ethnicity?”
The OP explained why she found herself snapping at a fellow classroom mother:
“My husband is Dominican and I’m Irish.”
“Our kids look like him in terms of facial features but they inherited my pale skin.”
“Our son has his father’s dark hair but my daughter’s is borderline dark blonde.”
“Genes are weird, what are you gonna do?”
“Both my kids and myself have my husband’s last name, which is a popular Dominican last name.”
“There have been times we get looks when people hear our last name and my husband isn’t around.”
“But it’s never been too bad and usually, I shrug it off.”
“Due to my husband’s work schedule, he’s rarely at school events.”
“So, most people just know me.”
“There’s another little girl in my daughter’s class with the same last name as us.”
“Her mom also volunteers often.”
“When we met, she flat out said ‘you’re not Dominican’.”
“I said, ‘No. My husband and kids are’.”
“She said ‘but your last name is (x)’.”
“I said yeah…because it’s my husband’s.”
“She pointed out how pale they are.”
“I just said genes are weird.”
“But almost every time we see each other, she brings it up somehow.”
“Making comments about how pale the kids are.”
“Finding it weird they don’t know Spanish (my husband didn’t learn growing up so they don’t know it either).”
“I just let it roll off because while it’s weird, I’m not about to get into a pissing contest.”
“The teacher asked the kids to make collages about their cultures.”
“My daughter’s had stuff related to being a Dominican and stuff related to being Irish.”
“They had a whole culture day where parents were invited.”
“The mom of the other little girl saw my daughter’s collage and rolled her eyes, thankfully not in front of my daughter.”
“There were no other kids around at the time as they were getting food.”
“It was just parents looking at the collages.”
“I asked what her problem is.”
“She said I’m not a real Dominican.”
“I said I never claimed to be.”
“She said my kids aren’t either and that my husband is probably only a little Dominican and we’re claiming a culture that’s not ours.”
“I was dumbfounded.”
“All I could ask was ‘are you stupid?'”
“She said there was no need to be defensive.”
“Finally, I had enough, pulled out my phone and showed her pictures of myself with my husband and the kids.”
“She stared at it for a moment and mumbled an apology.”
“I said ‘yeah, maybe research how genes work so you don’t make yourself look stupid in front of a bunch of 3rd graders’.”
“She got teary eyed and walked away.”
“I got the stink eye from some other parents which I ignored.”
“When I told my husband later, he said calling her stupid repeatedly, when she already apologized, was an a**hole move.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for calling the other mother “stupid” multiple times.
While some acknowledged that calling her stupid was uncalled for, just about everyone acknowledged that she had been pestered by this woman multiple times and her actions were likely knee-jerk and out of her control.
“NTA.”
“Why would she be so pressed about someone else’s culture (or culture they claim to be)?”
“She was rude and basically harassing you on more occasions than one.”
“She wasn’t entitled to an explanation, let alone having to show her a picture of your family for her to be convinced.”
“I think you were more than patient with her and DEFINITELY NTA.”
“Hate to break it to her but she isn’t the only Dominican to walk this earth, and not all Dominicans are gonna look like what her mind accepts as one.”- islasdiary
“NTA.”
“She just called you a fake Dominican appropriating another culture and suggested you were lying about your husband and kids ethnicity.”
“Yeah, there is a need to be defensive because she was attacking you.”
“You’d probably get less stink eye if you said it politely without insults, but it’s not like she didn’t deserve it.”- Irish_Whiskey
“I mean it sounds like she’d been harassing you for a while over this and maybe more than a little prejudice.”
“Gatekeeping an entire culture?”
“What if your husband didn’t ‘look’ Dominican enough for her?”
“There comes a point where you stop being nice.”
“Maybe you did take it a bit far but repeated snide remarks wear a person down until they snap.”
“NTA because it feels justified.”
“Genetics are suuuuuper weird.”
“Reminds me of a story I was listening to the other week about a family with only albino children, and the father blamed the mother for it, called her all sorts of awful names, had an affair, ran off with the mistress he knocked up.”
“Who had an albino baby.”- ConfusionPossible590
“NTA.”
“There is a saying: insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result.”
“You’ve been polite to this woman (who has been exceptionally rude to you) for a long time and she has made it quite clear that she would not stop questioning your children’s ethnicity.”
“If you were going to get her to stop, you had to do something different.”
“She brought this on herself by inserting herself into something that she had no reason to.”-bamf1701
“You’re NTA.”
“She insisted upon publicly displaying her ignorance, especially since you had already explained things to her that were none of her business in the first place.”
“That is one of the rudest, most judgmental, and intrusive things I have read on here this month.”
“She deserved everything you said and a lot more.”- Dittoheadforever
“NTA.”
“I’ve had people call me less of a Dominican because I’m Lighter and also don’t speak Spanish.”
“Since childhood.”
“Especially from cousins who speak Spanish.”
“And other Hispanics.”
“So I feel this to my core.”
“She was doing this at your child’s school repeatedly and potentially within earshot of your children.”
“It was tacky in the first place for her to be rolling her eyes at your kid’s project.”
“I’m glad you stuck up for them.”- Former-Revolution660
“I probably would have said that I find it weird she doesn’t know how to mind her own damned business.”
“You took the high road long enough, OP.”
“She clearly needed it spelled out in a very short book with lots of colorful pictures to finally understand.”
“NTA.”- clh1nton
“She was being racist and calling you a liar.”
“Calling her stupid is possibly more polite than I might have been.”
“NTA.”- Lumpy_Ad7002
“NTA.”
“On more than one occasion she made inappropriate remarks.”
“You were polite and explained the situation to her.”
“She finally found out how truly foolish she has been.”
“Her problem, not yours.”- Tiny-Trifle1348
“NTA.”
“She kept badgering you about this, and her behavior was atrocious.”
“If you never called her out, it would have continued.”
“She created the situation, and it is pretty bold of her to act like she is the victim.”
“I am multicultural person of color.”
“I look ‘ethnic’, but it can be hard to tell my exact ethnicities.”
“I have had to deal with people like this lady my entire life (even ‘educated’ people who should know better).”
“I have gotten to a point where it no longer bothers me, but there were many years where it was hurtful to always be ‘othered’ and exhausting to convince people that I was not lying.”
“Moral of the story: You putting her in her place may make her think twice about pulling this garbage on someone else.”
“So you not only helped yourself and kids but possibly others as well.”- Hello_JustSayin
Calling someone stupid is never the right thing to do.
However, bad behavior is almost guaranteed to beget more bad behavior.
Seeing as the OP was able to keep her cool around this mother for as long as she did, one can only imagine that she was literally brought to her wit’s end.
Hopefully, this mother will think more carefully about making allegations about others when she doesn’t know all the facts.