Redditor Fun_Self_5904 is a 28-year-old woman whose 31-year-old husband came home after working out of state for two months.
She wasn’t the only one excited to have him back.
Her 56-year-old mother-in-law was equally as thrilled and visited their home in time to welcome back her son.
While that was initially all well and good, the MIL’s visit did not have an end date.
After a string of annoyances, the Redditor resorted to saying something to her MIL that really rubbed her the wrong way.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my MIL I want to f’k her son?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained what led to her choice of words.
“So my husband had to spend two months in a different state for work. He came back 9 days ago.”
“I am obviously thrilled he’s back and I’ve missed him a lot. I was hoping we would be able to spend some time together just the two of us. However his mom came over when he was supposed to come home.”
“I was slightly annoyed but I know she was just excited for her son to be back. However she never left. Like I was prepared to deal with her being there for a day or two but no 9 days.”
“Because she’s been here for nine days we haven’t had a second of time together. She insists on staying here instead of a hotel. (For the record she lives an hour away.) the guest room is right next to ours and the walls are thin.”
“When the two of us go out she comes with us. Or makes one of us stay with her bc otherwise we would be ‘bad hosts.'”
“She follows us around the house constantly. We want to cuddle and watch movies she’s sitting in the arm chair.”
“We want to go to a romantic restaurant better make that a table for three. We have even left her in the living room to go ‘chat’ in our room and she follows us.”
“Earlier today I just asked her to leave. (Even though both us have been hinting that she needs to go.) She kept saying she wasn’t ready to go yet and wanted more time with her son.”
“I tried telling her we wanted some alone time and she kept insisting that she join us. Finally I snapped and said ‘Since you seem to be oblivious, I will put this bluntly. I want to f’k your son. If you don’t want to see or hear then you need to leave.’”
“(Ik this isn’t the classiest response ever but I was frustrated.) Anyway she yelled at me but eventually left.”
“We finally got to have our ‘alone time.’ But now she is blowing up both of our phones. She is saying that I am disgusting and have no respect for her, her son, or myself.”
“She keeps telling my husband that he shouldn’t be with someone so crude and how dare he let me speak to her like that. I’m sure you get the idea. Ik that what I said was really inappropriate so AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole.
“This lady is trying to break up with your marriage. Keep your husband on side and make sure you’re a united front on responses. NTA” – Unkle_bad-touch
“Of course NTA.”
“She needed to go home 9 days ago, after coming for dinner. She lives an hour away, not the other side of the world. There is zero reason for a healthy and sober person to stay in your home when theirs is only an hour away.”
“And your spouse was only out of town for 2 months. Does she normally see him every day?”
“Y’all should have told her to get out a week ago.” – Bac7
“She’s been looking for an excuse to bash the wife forever and finally got the opportunity cuz of the crassness but she was wrong. Honestly if she spent 1 overnight and a day during the day and then went home and came the 1st day he got back I think it would’ve been pushing it but ok but truly woman he needs time with his spouse stop pums blocking for your sons sake.” – Zealousideal_Gap_867
“NTA. Crass? Yes. A**holeish? No.”
“Why don’t you and your husband have any boundaries with this woman? You’re both adults letting her treat you like naughty teenagers.”
“She can insist on staying with you all she wants, it’s your house and your choice who stays there and if you don’t want her there tell her no.”
“And why is she staying indefinitely instead of this being preplanned and everyone knows arrival and departure dates? Why did you bother hinting at all instead of just being direct from the beginning?”
“And how is your husband responding to her blowing up your phones and calling you names? He should be telling her he won’t allow her to speak to his wife like this, and laying down firm boundaries for future visits so this doesn’t happen again.” – petulafaerie
“Tbh, this seems like their relationship with MIL has lacked some serious boundaries from the beginning, because I don’t see how the behavior would be this bad now had there been any boundaries in place from the start.”
“OP, you and your husband need to get on the same page with establishing boundaries with his mother. Boundaries are a normal and healthy part of being a human, and honestly will serve you, your husband, and your marriage well with future encounters with MIL.”
“Then, after those boundaries are established, BOTH of you need to communicate those boundaries with MIL, along with expected consequences should she disrespect them. You don’t need to be mean or even harsh when this talk occurs, but you do need to be firm.”
“Something along the lines of ‘If you are going to visit in the future, it must be planned out X amount of time ahead, it will only last X days, and X activities will include you in them. If those don’t happen, you’ll be asked to leave immediately.'”
“Then, and this last part is the most important, STICK TO THE BOUNDARIES AND CONSEQUENCES YOU OUTLINED TO HER. That last part can be the hardest, but in the end, you’ll be thankful you did it. NTA.” – Poverload237
“She was purposely doing this to prevent them from having alone time. There was another one here about this and the mother finally confessed that that’s exactly what she was doing.”
“She was coming in to sit and talk to them at bedtime so they wouldn’t be able to have sex. That’s what the MIL is doing. First off, you don’t show up unannounced for an unlimited visit and then refuse to go home when asked.”
“You don’t follow people around like a piece of cling wrap. You don’t say you will go with them when they say they want alone time. She knows exactly what she’s doing and hoping to cause an argument.”
“Your husband needs to DO SOMETHING as it’s his mother and she’s way overstayed her welcome, especially since she thinks your house is her free hotel. She stinks more than last week’s fish! NTA” – babcock27
“Eh, ‘crass’ is subjective. Some people just can’t take a hint. I don’t think MIL would have left any other way.”
“Obviously NTA, but that husband should have dealt with this situation the first day. It should have never come to this.” – Hero_Girl
“It’s all about control. She wants to know what you are doing, when you’re doing it. She has to have eyes on things so she can be there to stop them if she doesn’t approve.”
“Now that you sent her out, she’s trying to use guilt and shame to regain the control that she lost. Absolutely counts as emotional abuse.”
“NTA, I hope y’all nip this in the bud before it gets worse.” – SgtSqu1rtle
“Frankly, your husband should have dealt with his mom day one.”
“But since he seems incapable of standing up to his mother, NTA. But I’d address this with him and make sure you have a plan in the future for how he will lay down boundaries with her. His mom=his job to wrangle her.” – Eastern_Fox5735
In an update, the OP informed Redditors of her intentions.
“After reading these comments I will definitely let my husband know he needs to step up. I agree that it should’ve been him who made her leave.”
“I love him to death and want to be accommodating to his fear of making her angry (she’s nasty when she’s angry and will turn his whole family against him). However he needs to set boundaries.”
Overall, while some Redditors thought the OP’s wording left little to be desired, they backed her decision to confront her MIL.