The speaker phone is an invention that has certainly come in handy.
It allows us to talk on the phone while doing something else and lets several people talk at the same time.
Speaking on speakerphone can make having a private conversation a bit challenging
Often resulting in information reaching the ears of people who were not meant to hear it.
Redditor North_Mastodon_4310 recently called their wife regarding some important information.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)'s wife neglected to tell them that they were on speakerphone, resulting in the OP accidentally revealing a secret.
Something their wife continued to scold them over for a while after.
Strongly feeling that they were not in the wrong in this scenario, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for thinking that it’s rude to put someone on speaker without telling them?"
The OP explained why they wished their wife had warned them they were on speakerphone:
"My wife got upset at me the other day when I ruined a surprise for one of our sons."
"I called her, she answered, we started talking, and I brought up the plans, which laid bare the surprise, whereupon she said, 'WTF, way to go. You’re on speaker and [Son] is in the car'.”
"This is not the only time something like this has happened."
"I got in trouble last week for dropping an f-bomb in the same kind of circumstance."
"I told my wife that I thought it was super rude to put someone on speaker without telling them."
"She disagrees but says she’ll try to tell me."
"This week I started modeling the behavior answering calls from her, 'Hi Honey! What’s up? You’re on speaker, btw', and she’s getting pissed at me for that."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP had a right to be angry about not being warned that they were on speakerphone.
Everyone agreed that it is always the correct and polite thing to do to warn someone they are on speakerphone, and agreed that the OP's wife had no one to blame but herself for their son's birthday surprise being spoiled:
"NTA."
"'You’re on speaker and [Son] is in the car' should be her first line of the conversation."- changelingcd
"NTA."
"Your wife is."
"What you’re going to have to do from now on is treat every call you’re on with your wife as if it’s on speaker."- Green_Plan4291
"NTA."
"Of course you should tell anyone you're on the phone with if they're on speaker, there's no conceivable argument otherwise."-Daddinator1701
"NTA."
"You should always tell someone they're on speaker and who else is there."- StrategyAncient6770
"An older guy in front of me at Michael’s was on speaker with his wife, and she clearly had no idea, as she was discussing private religious stuff (they were clearly Mormon and getting ready for a trip to one of their temples)."
"I thought it was extremely rude of the guy (plus he was doing a super condescending and sarcastic 'yes, dear' after all her sentences) and I was working up the nerve to announce to his wife she was on speaker, but before I could his wife said he would be banned from the trip unless he bought new holy garments all by himself like a big boy, because she wasn’t doing it for him anymore and she wouldn’t allow him to 'insult the lord' by wearing his nasty old poop-stained ones to the temple, and watching this dude drop his phone in a mad scramble to turn off speaker was the highlight of my day."- BistitchualBeekeeper
"My mum does this, so I begin every call with, 'Am I on speaker?'"
"And she lies and says no, and then takes me off speaker--which I can hear."- Fine-Juggernaut8451
"I thought it was common sense to tell someone when you put them on speaker, especially if you’re planning a surprise and you have the person who the surprise is for close to you."
"Like, genuinely did she not think that the risk was there?"
"How would you know you were on speaker (unless you knew she was driving, but tbh where I live a lot of people talk directly into the phone when driving unfortunately), let alone that your son could hear?"
"NTA."
"Assuming you didn’t know she was driving, and if you knew, assuming you didn’t know the son was in the car."-zacksartandanimation
"NTA."
"It’s so rude and also annoying to be on speaker if you don’t know."- Rootwitch1383
"NTA."
"It’s so rude and also annoying to be on speaker if you don’t know."- Rootwitch1383
"NTA."
"That said, because she has a pattern of it, you could ask if you are on speaker."- Equivalent_Lemon_319
"It is common courtesy and customary to say 'you are on speaker and I'm here with XX' or 'I'm in the car so you are on speaker'."
"This is etiquette 101."
"NTA."- facinationstreet
"NTA."
"Always yell someone when they are on speaker."
"ALWAYS."- Background-Car9771
"Years ago my sister and her partner had a rule that all calls had to be on speakerphone (they had trust issues)."
"My sister didn't tell anyone this rule."
"Meanwhile, I called her up, absolutely devastated about my relationship breaking up, and I just started crying."
"I have never cried in front of her or on the phone with her, but I was just so hurt."
"My sister, meanwhile, is being there for me when I hear a whisper in the background."
"I said, 'What was that?'"
"My sister said, 'Oh, it's just Andy."
"I heard more whispering and it hit me..."
"I was on f*cking speaker phone."
"I was in disbelief."
"'Am I on speaker phone!?'"
"My sister got quiet, and I hung up, absolutely devastated that my vulnerability had just been witnessed by her partner (who she wasn't on great terms with) and that she had never given me a heads up."
"When she told me (via text) about the 'speaker phone' rule in their relationship, I asked how long they had been doing that for and she copped to 'a few months'."
"I believe it was much longer."
"I thought about all the conversations we had over the past few months, and I wanted to die."
"The humiliation was scalding."
"I've never forgiven her for it."
"We still chat, but I never say anything via text or otp that might be overheard or read."- LostinLies1
"NTA."
"My in laws do that ALL THE TIME. They'll call me to ask something or answer their phone, and it automatically goes on speaker, even if it's to ask about medical issues of a personal nature."
"In the stores, at their jobs, at home, in front of kids."
"Always."
"So I started dropping F bombs."
"When my SIL got upset her kid heard me cuss I told her that her mom called me and not only did I not know I was on speakerphone I also had no idea the kids were there."
"I flat out said it's ridiculous to expect me to be psychic and intuitively know who was there when it's an easily solvable issue of HER MOM not using speaker phone or at the very least saying so."
"MIL has yet to stop so I still answer her calls, 'Hey Kathy, how the F are you doing today?' and since it's my standard greeting on the phone or in person now, the complaints all go her way."- ObstinateWoman
"NTA."
"Your wife should have said something when she answered."
"I like your pettiness in telling her she's on speaker."
"It is rude to be on speaker in public (I'm going to start playing heavy metal music in front of these people so they have to walk away)."
"It's rude not to tell people that the conversation is not private."- PRisBroken
"I usually only use speaker when I'm in the car, and I will tell the person they're on speaker if I have passengers with me."
"If I'm driving alone, I don't bother."
"The only other time I use a speaker is if I'm cooking or cleaning, and then I tell the other person in case they can't hear me, because I leave my phone in one place and walk around the kitchen."- craftymama45
Perhaps the OP should have assumed, knowing his wife, that he would be on speakerphone when he called her?
As this wasn't the first time something like this had happened, the OP's wife should also have given them a bit of a warning.
One can only hope the OP's son still has a happy birthday, despite missing out on a surprise.
