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Woman Calls Sister ‘Insane’ For Deciding To Teach Her Kid To Speak Swedish But Not English

The back of the head of a child wearing a floral crown and holding a Swedish flag.
Staffan Widstrand/Getty Images

Not everyone agrees on how to raise a child.

As much as we try to be open-minded when we observe some parents raising their children in a manner completely the opposite of how we would raise our own, we often can’t help but sneer or at least raise an eyebrow.

In some cases, it’s difficult for us not to tell them to their face how much we vehemently disagree with their parenting decisions.

Particularly when they’re family.

A recent Redditor grew up with bilingual parents and a bilingual sister, even though English was her only language.

It didn’t come as much of a surprise to the original poster (OP) that her sister would raise her children speaking one of the two languages in which she was fluent.

It was which of the two languages her sister chose to teach her daughter that took the OP by surprise.

A decision that the OP couldn’t help but tell her sister was “crazy.”

Worried she may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for telling my sister that she is insane for not teaching her daughter English?”

The OP explained why she felt the need to call out a parenting decision of her sister’s:

“My (20 F[emale]) family is originally from Sweden.”

“My sister Kristin (30 F) was born in Sweden and was raised speaking Swedish and English.”

“She and my parents came to the US when she was 10, and I was born not long afterward.”

“I was raised only speaking English.”

“My parents did not bother having me learn Swedish because it isn’t a widely-spoken language where we live, and in fact when I was little, they had a rule that Kristin could only talk to me in English.”

“They did this because they didn’t want to hinder me being able to communicate with my peers.”

“I’ve visited Sweden maybe twice when I was really little and don’t have any recollections.”

“Kristin, however, has a lot of fond memories from her childhood.”

“Since she’s moved out, she has regularly visited Sweden.”

“She has been married to her husband, Erik (30 M[ale]) for about three years.”

“Erik is also from Sweden and came to the US in his early 20s.”

“Erik was also raised speaking Swedish and English, but is more comfortable talking in Swedish.”

“They have a daughter, Elsa, who 18 months old and learning to talk.”

“When they came over for Christmas dinner, I tried to talk to Elsa, but Kristin told me that I can only talk to Elsa in Swedish, but not English.”

“I thought she was raising Elsa speaking both Swedish and English, but she told me that they are not going to bother teaching her English. I asked why, and Kristin told me that they want Elsa to be connected to her heritage and also because they plan on eventually moving back to Sweden.”

“I asked if she had an idea as to when they will move, and she said it could be one year or ten years.”

“I told Kristin that she is doing Elsa a big disservice by not teaching her English.”

“She told me it won’t be an issue as ‘She’ll learn it when she goes to kindergarten!'”

“I said that I can understand wanting Elsa to know Swedish, and if they had any immediate plans to move back to Sweden, then I could understand prioritizing Swedish over English.”

“But since they don’t have any immediate plans to move back there, she should learn both languages now so she can communicate with her English-speaking relatives in the US, as well as her peers and her teachers when she goes to school.”

“I said that not teaching Elsa any English at all is insane.”

“Kristin got mad at me and told me I am being xenophobic.”

“I told her this would not be an issue if Elsa speaks English too, but because almost nobody around here speaks Swedish, she’s hindering her daughter.”

“She said that it’s possible that by the time Elsa is ready to start school, they might have moved back to Sweden.”

“My parents are mostly on my side but say that they understand why she’s doing this, and I was being harsh by saying that she was ‘insane’ for not teaching her English and should be more understanding.”

“I feel it is equally harsh for her to say I’m xenophobic.”

“I think it’s great to be multilingual, but one needs to be able to communicate with the majority of the people where they live.”

“But now I’m starting to feel like maybe I was too harsh.”

“AITA?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

The Reddit community firmly stood behind the OP and agreed that she was not the a**hole for calling out Kristin’s decision not to teach Elsa English.

Everyone agreed that while the OP didn’t have to tell Kristin it was “insane” for her not to teach Elsa English, she was right in pointing out that she was, nonetheless, doing her a disservice. However, many were also confused as to why the OP wasn’t taught Swedish by her parents growing up.

“NTA.”

“They live in the US, but they might move back to Sweden, so they’re not teaching their daughter English.”

“That’s actually pretty dangerous.”

“For example, what happens if Elsa gets lost and she can’t understand when people ask her where her parents are, nor could she tell anyone who they are?”

“Every little kid gets lost at some point, so this is not an unlikely scenario.”

“In an emergency, how would, say, 3-year-old Elsa be able to tell anyone?”

“I also have a good friend from Sweden (and she speaks eight languages).”

“According to her, English is a required subject in school in Sweden.”

“So Elsa would actually be behind other kids who may have been speaking and/or understanding English their whole lives.”- Rredhead926

“NTA but your parents are.”

“They banned a child from speaking her mother tongue in her own home so that their little princess had the best development.”

“A development that came at the cost of your sister.”- Awkward_Un1corn

“Let’s not overlook the fact that Kristin KNOW OP doesn’t know the Swedish language and is still insisting on it.”

“So… she wants her kid to ‘be in touch with her heritage’ but not able to communicate with family already near by?”

“Called OP xenophobic, but sounds like she may not like OP much really.”

“NTA.”- Niodia

“NTA.”

“But the biggest issue here is that you were not taught Swedish.”

“You are not even a 2nd or 3rd generation of US born.”

“You are the only one born in the US from your family.”

“Your parents should’ve taught you Swedish even if you never used it before.”

“It’s not about ‘not being a widely spoken language’ it’s who you are.”

“That being said, Kristin took it at whole different level.”

“She should teach her kid English along with Swedish.”

“Elsa’s 1st language should be English but she should also know Swedish.”

“When and IF they move back to Sweden, they can fast track Swedish but also keep English in her languages.”- CupcakeMurder86

“NTA.”

“But I do think your own parents where stupid and should have taught you Swedish when you where young.”

“It would only help you.”

“The same with your sister she should teach the kid as many languages as possible when they are small.”- JowDow42

“NTA.”

“You spoke your piece arguing with her isn’t going to change things.”

“She’s going to double down because she resents how your parents did her when it came to Swedish when she was growing up, and now she’s going to ‘right the wrong’ by doing the reverse to her daughter.”- Alternative_End_7174

“NTA.”

“As someone who only learned English in Kindergarten after moving to the US…it SUCKS!”

“It wasn’t on purpose that I didn’t know English when we moved, but no one understands you, and you don’t understand anyone.”

“Hope your sister comes around.”- kw92

“Hi, ESL teacher here.”

“NTA.”

“Your sister is technically correct- her daughter will most likely learn English pretty quickly when she goes to public school.”

“And I suspect she’ll start picking it up sooner since I doubt that she’s getting Bluey dubbed in Swedish as opposed to the regular version. Your niece will probably start picking up some English sooner than that.”

“But speaking both languages to children as they first develop language skills is how you get effortlessly bilingual people.”

“It means having both languages as ‘native’ languages.”

“It means being able to think effortlessly in either language and not having to translate before you speak in one or the other.”

“A lot of people who learned a second language in kindergarten do achieve that level of fluency, don’t get me wrong, but the younger the better is basically how it works.”

“There’s also that if your niece’s school is like the one where I work, she will be classified as an ESL student.”

“Which could mean any number of things, but the four big takeaways I would say are these:”

“1) she’ll most likely have a period or two of ESL classes every day, which while great for learning English, might mean she misses out on some of the general ed lessons and activities.”

“2) In the time it takes her to pick up English, she’s going to be at a deficit picking up those same gen ed lessons, which has a possibility of snowballing even once she’s fluent- she missed out on learning skill X which gives her trouble learning Y and Z.”

“3) In my district, literally the only way to exit from our ESL program is to pass a test.”

“I have seen so many kids who are fluent and intelligent keep having to be in the ESL program either because they learn in such a way that doesn’t translate into good test-taking skills or they get what I call the Lackawana flu and just do the bare minimum despite me almost begging them to take the test seriously.”

“It’s not at all crippling to their education, but it is often a pain in the ass for them.”

“4) Unless there’s a large Swedish-speaking population where she goes to school, her school is not going to have any bilingual resources for her.”

“As much as ESL is my calling, and as much as I believe in what I do, in this situation, I think that the negatives strongly outweigh the positives for your niece.”

“Learning English at home growing up is going to give your niece more advantages than having us teach it to her.”

*Yes, I know that’s kind of sh*tty, but there are state and federal mandates plus a Dept. of Justice lawsuit involved, there really isn’t anything we can do about it.”- Big_Falcon89

No doubt, Elsa will definitely benefit from being able to speak Swedish when she is older.

However, she will not benefit from starting kindergarten in the United States and being unable to communicate. with her. class.

Something one can only hope Kristin might soon realize, leading her to hopefully broaden Elsa’s vocabulary.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.