Sex is a part of life, but parents can have very different ideas about it when it comes to their children’s sex lives. That’s the awkward situation a Redditor found himself in with his wife when she walked in on their daughter and her boyfriend in flagrante.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by throwaway02020230, didn’t think it was such a big deal, but his wife went ballistic. He wasn’t sure who was right, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
“AITA for not punishing my daughter”
“Ok I cant believe I’m having to come here but here I am also new to reddit so apologizes in advance. So I (48m[ale]) am married to my wife Marge and we have an 18 year old daughter Sara. Sara has a boyfriend who’s 18 and they have been together for 2 years.”
“Now my wife barges in on them when there in a room together and sara has asked her to stop and knock but Marge says shes just checking in and I warned her that one of these days shes gonna barge in and see something she doesnt wanna see and that day was today.”
“I was in my office doing some work when I hear my wife yell what the fu*k, op come here so I go to my daughters room and see her and her boyfriend who I’ll call ryan covered up with a sheet and I knew what happened so I just turned around so my back was facing them and said Ryan put some pants on and come to my office.”
“When Ryan walked in and closed the door i asked him what happened and he told me then i asked him if sara contented which he said yes and I asked if he was using protection which he also said yes. I looked at him and I told him look ryan your both 18 if you wanna do it then your gonna do it weather its here, your place, or somewhere else but I’m not mad it’s part of life I rather know your being safe plus what happens behind that door is none of my business.”
“I also gave him money for some condoms and told him to lock the door next time. (Side note were an open family so there arent really any subjects we wont discuss plus the way I see it is doing the deed is part of life I’m not gonna get mad.) Well my wife was furious and basically told my daughter that Ryan can’t come over for a while and she broke trust with her and when sara told me what marge said I told her I’d talk to my wife.”
“My wife thinks sara needs to be punished and I’m not doing enough but my argument is that it’s part of life to do it so why shelter her from it as long as there safe and content. I’m on the couch tonight because my wife thinks I’m an a**hole but I’m standing my ground. Tell me am I the a**hole here”
Redditors were then asked to evaluate who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And they were nearly unanimously on OP’s side of things.
“NTA. You did everything right, make sure they’ve got condoms, ask they lock the door, they were clearly being discreet if you couldn’t hear it. Your wife definitely is just subscribing to purity culture here.” —One-Stranger
“NTA. Wouldn’t be surprised if she wants to move out ASAP because her mom is sabotaging her relationship with her bf. Then cute shocked Pikachu face on mom.” —Mera1506
“NTA. Your daughter should have locked the door and your wife should have knocked. And punish her for what??” —Able-Ad-6727
“NTA it sounds like your wife kept barging in waiting for an a-ha moment, it happened, she got an eyeful. Ask your wife if she’d prefer if they use the backseat of the car? You may get a couple of more day on the couch but the fact is your daughter is sexually active and being responsible about it. She will continue to have sex if not in your home, somewhere else.” —highwoodshady
“NTA. However, you and your wife need to agree on the rules regarding what your daughter and her date can or cannot do in your house. Right now it seems like there are 2 sets of standards for your daughter. Punishing her when the rules are unclear is unfair to her.” —ddra196
“Hi Mom of a 19yr old girl and 23 yr old son. When my son was 16 and so was his GF they had been dating since 14 I figured out they were having sex when I took my daughter 12 at the time to hockey and I lost my mind but I didnt say anything to them. I called the child councilor I used to handle the custody part of my separation agreement, this is what she said to me.”
“Do you want them having sex behind the dumpster, school, forest with or maybe no condoms. Which of course I do not. She also said their going to have sex you cant watch them all the time.”
“So I went out and bought condoms, Plan B (buy this incase they forget condoms its expensiveish and embarrassing to buy so kids wont buy it) , foam and sponges. Put them on the table and explained what each did and if they use any of them up to leave the empty box in his door way and Ill buy more.”
“The goal is nooo oone gets pregnant and the kids have a better chance of not getting pregnant if they have unlimited supply of birth control. Thats all your wife should be worried about.”
“Also she is 18 let her have some fun.” —Daisyday12
After reading his fellow Redditors’ comments, OP came back with an update.
“Edit: since a lot of people have brought it up I talked to Ryan first because I figured it was less awkward and I did talk to sara after and asked the same questions (didnt add it orginally due to fear of character limit.) Also we will be having a family discussion in the morning.”
Hopefully this family can get past this awkward conflict.