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Woman Called ‘Disrespectful’ For Hanging Out With A Friend After Her Date Went Home

Two women at bar
Nisian Hughes/Getty Images

Everyone has their own set of unwritten rules when it comes to first dates.

Drinks or coffee, then dinner if things seem to be going well. If you met on an app or website, wait to give your phone number until you’ve met in person. Never, under any circumstances, do you go back to your place or theirs.

However, making these rules difficult is that two people seldom have the same set of rules when it comes to a first date, often leading to an unintentional test as to whether or not there will be a second date.

A recent Redditor recently found herself scolded by a first date all owing to her behavior afterward.

While the original poster (OP) didn’t think she did anything wrong, her date went so far as to call her disrespectful.

Wondering if that was really the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for seeing a friend after going on a date?”

The OP shared how her date was less than thrilled to learn her evening continued after he went home.

“I (29 F[emale]) went on a date with a guy (38M) last night.”

“We went to a couple of bars.”

“We were having drinks and I excuse myself to go to the restroom.”

“While in there I bumped into an old friend I hadn’t seen in years.”

“She asked me to come have a few drinks with her.”

“I told her I couldn’t because I was on a date but if she was still there when I was leaving I’d look out for her.”

“I return to my date, told him I bumped into an old friend.”

“We stay for further hour/1.5.”

“He has to get home as he starts work early.”

“By this time we’d been out together for around 4 hours.”

“We finish our drinks, I walk out with him and we say our goodbyes.”

“He lives a 5 minute walk from the bar.”

“I head back into the bar to use the restroom again as my journey is about 45 minutes.”

‘I have a quick look for my old friend but she sees me leaving the restroom and asks me to hang back for a catch up – which I happily do.”

“The next day my date messages me asking if I stayed out after our date.”

“I said yes.’

‘He was really cold with me.”

‘I asked if something was wrong and he basically said it was disrespectful of me to stay out once our date was over.”

“I’m totally confused here and wondering if it was bad dating etiquette?”

“AITA for catching up with a friend after a date?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for catching up with her friend after her date went home.

Everyone agreed that the OP did absolutely nothing wrong, with many finding the behavior of her date controlling and disconcerting and urged the OP not to go on a second date with him.


“Never heard of a bad date etiquette, especially post-date.”

“What a weird and strange thing to be upset about.”

“Your date was finished, which means you’re free to do whatever you want.”

“I’d be wary of any future dates with him.”- NepNep90

“Actually that seems like an amazing unintended litmus test to see if ol boy respected your friendships and how controlling he would be.”

“I would bet anything he expects his partners to only socialize with him present.”

“NTA what a beautiful way to dodge a buIIet well done OP.”- ReasonableCookie9369


“Your time is your time.”

“What a weird thing to get upset about.”

“I’d see this as a HUGE red flag and be glad he showed this side early on.”

“Ick.”- el-ay-cee

“That’s code for ‘if you didn’t immediately have to go home and go to bed, you should have come to my place’.”

“Don’t waste anymore time with him.”

“NTA.”- mdthomas


“What he means is ‘If you are not going immediately to your own bed after our date, then you should be going to mine’.”

“Anything else is ‘disrespectful’.”

“You don’t owe this dude every moment of your time.”

“It’s good that this happened now.”- Aggravating_Start411


“One date and he already thinks he gets to dictate what you should do with your life.”

“Please take that as a sign not to have a second date with him.”- Biera1

“NTA and after a first date this is a red flag.”

“The guy is controlling and I think it’s highly likely that he chose to date a woman almost a decade his junior precisely because he thought she’d be easier to control.”

“And how did he know to ask if you had stayed out after the date?”

“What prompted him to ask that?”

“Beware, old boy might have stalked you after saying his goodbyes.”- Jolly_Tooth_7274


“I think he dropped those on the way home.”

“Luckily he showed his true colors early.”

“If he’s acting like that now, how controlling will he be if you end up together?”

“Please, don’t contact him again and block him on everything.”- UnfairTemperature369


“He’s prying into your business.”- 3xlduck


“The date was over; you don’t need to answer to him about what you did after the date.”

“Perhaps you could ask him to give you specifics of what he has done without you since the date?”

“He is the a**hole here.”- MsJamieFast


“Don’t give this guy another date.”

“This is weirdly controlling behavior.”- UrsaGeorge

“I think he was expecting you to go home with him and is now being gross about it as if he feels wronged.”

“Throw the whole man away.”

“NTA.”- Spare-Article-396


“He ended the date.”

“You visited with an old friend.”

“What business is this of his?”- Wishiwashome

“The only way this could possibly be remotely inappropriate on your part is if you used a white lie to end the date, like, ‘Boy, I need to get to sleep soon’.”

“And then stayed out and blatantly contradicted yourself to him the next day.”

“But I’m pretty sure you would have mentioned it if you were trying to end the date.”

“So NTA and stay the heck away from that guy.”

“He’s weirdly controlling, or trying to be.”- clauclauclaudia

“Lol is this person for real?!”

“NTA you barely know this guy at all, been on one date with him, what you do after the date is your business and not his.”

“I wouldn’t go on a second date with this controlling loser.”- mind_like_the_ocean


“He can’t control what you do.”

“This is a big red flag.”

“You may want to think twice before going on a second date with him.”- TheLuvBub


“Did he expect you had to go home just because he wanted to go home?”

“The only thing I can think of is if your friend was a guy and your date somehow felt jealous and insecure that you’re on another date after going on a date with him.”

“But that’s not even the case since it sounds like your friend is female and you told him that you bumped into her.”

“Anyway, this would be a red flag to me to continue dating this guy.”

“Proceed with caution.”- sour_lemons

“NTA enjoy your life you barely know this guy!”- Old_Administration72


“I suspect he thinks you stayed at the bar to pick up guys and was insulted as he thought your date went well.”

“Or he’s controlling.”

“Don’t go out with him again.”- ilp456


“Hahahah what an a**.”

“No, you are a full human person with a life of your own and he does not get to dictate when you need to go home.”- yesnomaybe123


“Date ended and you said goodbye.”- Exciting_Delivery369

“NTA, it would only be disrespectful if you ended the date early to hang out with your friend, which you didn’t, and you were completely honest.”

“Definitely red flag behaviour on his part.”- FranksWB


“This is a red flag.”

“I wouldn’t bother with another date with this person.”- __Severus__Snape__

“NTA x 1000.”

“Kind of an AH move from his side to even ask if you stayed out after your date, that’s none of his goddamned business.”

“Getting pissed over you saying yes is beyond AH.”

“Pro tip: do not keep dating this man, he sounds like an AH.”- Medical-Cat-821


“You were out on a date, which means your relationship hasn’t reached a stage where he has any right to expect anything of you other than you showing up for the date & spending that time with him.”

“You didn’t ditch him as soon as you saw your friend, & you stayed with him until the date was officially over (on his terms), so you did everything etiquette could possibly expect of you.”

“He doesn’t have any right to dictate your free time, & is majorly overstepping by presuming that he does.”- ar_Anteater_256

Many people would consider a first date too early to even begin discussing whether or not you might be seeing other people, for prospective romantic relationships.

The fact that this man gets jealous that the OP grabbed a drink and caught up with an old friend after one date suggests he has trouble keeping his jealousy under control.

Making the possibility of a second date a highly unlikely prospect.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.