When a new relationship begins to get serious, the next major milestone is meeting your partner’s parents.
And hoping that they’ll like you.
As a result, people will often go out of their way in hopes of pleasing them, and should they show even the slightest sign of disappointment or disapproval, it might very well weigh on them for months.
Redditor. MilanoItaliano1 seemed to be getting off to the right start with their boyfriends parents.
But when unexpectedly tasked with preparing dinner for them, the original poster (OP)’s choice of food did not sit well with them or her boyfriend one bit.
Even resulting in the OP being called “racist”.
Wondering if she had made such grievous mistake, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for serving my boyfriend’s parents pizza for dinner?”
The OP explained how she unexpectedly offended her boyfriend’s parents when tasked with serving them dinner at the last minute.
“So, I, 28 F[emale] have been dating my boyfriend 31 M[ale] for 7 months.”
“His family are of Italian origins and they take a lot of pride in it.”
“They invited me over to their house several times.”
“Last night, his parents came over to the apt for the first time.”
“They said they were visiting a friend and decided to stop by for dinner.”
“I freaked out when they said dinner because it was late, and I was working and had no time to cook.”
“So I ordered pizza for all of us.”
“The second his parents saw the pizza they got pissed.”
“His dad gave me a nasty stare then said that I ‘intentionally’ served them pizza just because they were ‘Italians’.”
“In other words he claimed I was mocking them and their food and assuming that just cause they’re Italian then they’d only eat Italian food which he called ‘racist’.”
“I was confused I said I didn’t think it was interpreted that way but he said ‘if you have Asian guests over do you serve them sushi?'”
“‘How would you like if we only serve you Mcdonald’s and fries every time you visit since that’s what Americans eat?'”
“I was stunned by his words. basically, he was saying that just because they’re Italian then I shouldn’t assume they’d like to have pizza, but who doesn’t like pizza?”
“He and my boyfriend’s mom got up and said they wanted to leave.”
“My boyfriend tried to get them to stay and take it easy but they left eventually.”
“He blew up saying I messed by serving them pizza and ‘insulting them indirectly’.”
“He told me to call and apologize but I said no and that I didn’t have time to cook anything after they showed up unexpectedly.”
“He got more upset and asked if his parents needed permission to visit him.”
“I backed off thinking he’d calm down, but he kept saying I insulted his parents and I need to apologize.”
“I’m utterly and genuinely confused. AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for serving her boyfriend’s parents pizza.
Everyone agreed that the OP was only thinking practically with little time to plan, while several people were confused why the OP’s boyfriend couldn’t have prepared dinner, with many wondering if his behavior, as well as that of his parents, was a sign for the OP to reevaluate if it was a good idea to stay in this relationship.
“NTA!”
“Why didn’t your boyfriend prepare dinner for his parents?”
“They decided to stop by last minute ‘uninvited’ for dinner.”
“Your boyfriend and his parents are TAs.”- Lea_R_ning
“Pro tip:”
“Him: ‘My parents/friends/colleagues have just dropped by for dinner!'”
“You: ‘Cool, what are you cooking?'”
“Beginning and end of it.”- threeforagirl
“NTA.”
“Ordering out for pizza is as ‘American’ as it gets.”
“They were just looking for an excuse to be insulted.”
“Anyway, why was it your responsibility to order dinner?”
“Your boyfriend was there, and they’re his parents.”
“He should have been responsible for providing dinner.”- SamSpayedPI
“NTA.”
“It sounds like they were looking for a reason to be upset.”
“When people don’t have time to cook, they order pizza.”
“Your guests being of Italian origin makes no difference, and they are just being a**holes.”- ed_lv
“Honey, why put up with being treated this way by your BOYFRIEND?”
“He set you up to fail here.”
“If I had surprise guests, I would ALSO order a pizza.”
“You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes to that in a meaningful way.”
“Is that what your boyfriend is doing?”
“NTA but you need to take a deeper look at this relationship.”
“Why wasn’t he responsible for planning the meal?”
“Why is that your job?”- Personal_Regular_569
“It is incredibly rude to show up at someone’s home unexpectedly and expect to be served dinner!”
“Are they expecting a home cooked meal to be waiting for them at all times just in case they decide to drop in?”
“The only asses here are your boyfriend and his parents.”
“Absolutely NTA OP!”- anonyllamas
“NTA.”
“There are a lot of red flags here.”
“Why was it assumed to be your responsibility to arrange dinner for his parents?”
“Why do his parents believe it’s ok to stop by unexpectedly and on top of that, that dinner would be provided?”
“Why didn’t your boyfriend stand up for you and tell his parents that when they stop by with no notice they should expect something easy, like pizza?”
“He yelled at you after they left instead of apologizing for them stopping by unannounced and then getting angry with you.”
“Get out now.”
“It will only get worse from here.”- CasperGGGD
“NTA.”
“I mean, if your boyfriend was so upset that HIS parents got pizza, why didn’t he cook for them?”-ShaowShaown
“NTA.”
“Where was your boyfriend in all of this?”
“Why was it your responsibility to prepare dinner for HIS parents on short notice?”
“If they are so offended by pizza why didn’t he warn you earlier?”
“It kinda sounds to me like these people set you up.”
“‘In the neighborhood and just stopping by for dinner’ is what I would call an aggressive act.”
“They should be grateful you let them inside.”
“The fact that your boyfriend thinks that you should be willing to accommodate his parents as surprise visitors anytime they want and that you should prepare a meal is a huge red flag.”-fizzbangwhiz
“NTA”
“How rude that they just showed up without calling first AND expected you to cook dinner?”
“RUDE.”- Desertflower7316
“Did your boyfriend know they were coming?”
“Why was there no discussion of what to feed his parents?”
“Also, why was food for his unexpected guests YOUR responsibility?”- SaraAmis
“NTA.”
“Tell your loser boyfriend to cook HIS parents dinner himself next time.”
“And leave him because he’s an AH.”- sd530
“NTA.”
“If they’re getting upset over a simple pizza, that should be a sign they’re looking for any excuse to disapprove of you.”
“I’d suggest re-evaluating this relationship especially even if the BF is blaming you too.”
“Lastly, you said they showed up unexpectedly; how are they supposed to expect you to cook something that quickly?”
“You ordered pizza to get food quickly as any sane person would do.”- burin077
“NTA.”
“Why didn’t your boyfriend cook if he was so bothered.”
“Some people love to be offended.”- Peasplease25
“Please tell me after only 7 months you aren’t living with this a**hole.”
“NTA.”
“He and his parents are rude af though.”- loloannd
“NTA.”
“Take it as a huge red flag.”- foolfortheblues
“NTA.”
“I’m of Mexican ancestry.”
“If I showed up somewhere uninvited, which I wouldn’t, and they went and got tacos for dinner I’d be like hell yeah! tacos!”- Rubberbandballgirl
“NTA.”
“Why couldn’t the boyfriend cook for his parents if they were just visiting him?”- abitchything
“Why didn’t your boyfriend make dinner?”- NoClothes204
“NTA.”
“But you have a bf problem.”
“He should have been an adult and deal with his unreasonable parents and their sh*tty behavior.”
“He didn’t and instead now he is behaving unreasonably.”- VallisGratia
“NTA.”
“Why is it YOUR job to feed HIS parents anyway?”
“He should have taken the lead.”
“You deserve better.”- PrairieGrrl5263
“NTA.”
“But you’re seven months into a relationship, if you want to keep your sanity set some boundaries.”
“If his parents just ‘drop in’ now and demand you make them dinner it’s only going to get worse.”
“But your boyfriend is TA too.”
“The fact that he just coddled his parents and didn’t stand up for you is a really bad sign.”- Ok-Albatross6794
Making assumptions about someone based on their race and/or ethnicity is never OK.
However, in the case of the OP, it seems abundantly clear that she felt that Pizza was the quickest and easiest solution when unexpectedly tasked with serving her family dinner.
Hopefully, her boyfriend and his parents will come to realize this.
Otherwise, that could have very well been the last dinner they all shared together.